<p>Who the heck said IRS auditor on the first date? And if you don’t know boring, congrats. D1 didn’t share one date’s enthuuusiasm for karaoke.<br>
Btw, how about table manners?</p>
<p>Table manners and boring does not belong in the same sentence. 
JK</p>
<p>I was at dinner and swear I thought of this thread when I saw that young person. </p>
<p>Id also say that quieter types don’t really come into their own until after high school or even college, so it is a wise young person who doesn’t commit herself or himself too young.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>If we’re talking formal dining at an establishment with a dress code, it can be pretty boring for some. </p>
<p>That is, unless it’s punctuated by loud yelling, waving of swords/cutlery over one’s head, and announcing the commencement of a raiding session. :D</p>
<p>Or one can go all out and serenade one’s date at such establishments with some hard rockish/punk songs with an electric guitar and a wall of Marshall stack amps with the volume set at 21. :D</p>
<p>“At age 58, I still can’t believe how wisely I chose. A lot of it is just luck.”</p>
<p>Yeah, me too, @alh, a lot of luck. I initially was interested in him because he was adorable, great smile and nice butt. Had a sense of humor, very motivated, sweet, and a passion for life. Fortunately that all still holds true today. Even the butt. All the rest is small stuff. Gotta have your priorities, I guess.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>That presumes that there are not spending habits that put the household at financial risk without anything thinking about it.</p>
<p>@Vladenschlutte, I suggest you take your own risk with your own money and your spouse has her own risk with her own money. </p>
<p>@busdriver, nice butt and nice hair will do for me too, plus put his wife as his number one priority. :D</p>
<p>Perhaps I am not the right person to comment here. When I adopted my kid, I thought about it and realized that I had had so many messed-up relationships that I couldn’t trust myself to have one for fear of jeopardizing what I needed to do as a responsible parent. Now that she’s 18 and leaving for college, I’ve actually started thinking about it again but it seems far, far away.</p>
<p>Anyway, re unequal amounts of college debt: I think that’s in the same category as severe health issues. It bothers me some to hear parents saying that they would disapprove of their kids marrying spouses with disproportionate debt. Then this week I saw a wonderful film, part of PBS’s POV series:
<a href=“POV | Video | THIRTEEN - New York Public Media”>POV | Video | THIRTEEN - New York Public Media;
about a brilliant 25-year-old filmmaker who is stricken with MS and only after he is considerably disabled, finds love. It made me think about for better or for worse, which I hear is part of most people’s vows.</p>
<p>In real life tho, a constantly sick spouse will be hard to live with.</p>
<p>And many of us would do that for an ill loved one. Spouse or kids. We try to help our parents. Lots of things are challenging. It’s one reason I mentioned commitment.</p>
<p>But of course many marriages that result in children with significant special needs end in divorce.</p>
<p>^true that. It is tough.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>It’s one thing you are married and your spouse getting ill and another marrying an already sick person. I am clearly not a self-sacrificing type. i consider marriage as a vehicle that helps both parties to fulfill their dreams/life better together supporting each other than they would have on their own. </p>
<p>Maybe someone contemplating getting married should share this article with his/her significant other and discuss: <a href=“http://www.freep.com/article/20140629/COL01/306290088/augie-nieto-als-mitch-albom”>http://www.freep.com/article/20140629/COL01/306290088/augie-nieto-als-mitch-albom</a>. We don’t know what curve balls life may throw us … but if we commit to getting through them together, the marriage will be successful. </p>
<p>Full disclosure: You will probably cry when you read the article.</p>
<p>ALS is a pretty rough disease.
A friends husband died from it & her son is in the last stages.
But lots of people fighting.
<a href=“http://www.teamgleason.org/”>http://www.teamgleason.org/</a></p>
<p>H and I married in haste. Based on our experiences, I would say to find out the other person’s attitudes toward money (spending/saving/debt/planning).
Find out about your partner’s parents and what their marriages were like. What roles do their parents play? How do they treat each other? For good or bad, our parents are role models. A young wife may “sound like her mother” or expect her husband to play her father’s role (unclog the drain, fix the broken lamp, mow the lawn). A young husband may “act like his father” and expect his wife to act the part of his mother (iron my shirt, keep quiet and bring me a sandwich while I watch the game). As much as you think you are different from your parents or are determined NOT to do things their way, these expectations/roles will still crop up at times.
Are there any family or holiday traditions that your partner expects to continue/be part of?
What are your partner’s attitudes toward raising/disciplining children? Who will be the primary caregiver? How did your parents discipline you?<br>
What about health/diet/exercise? (Will it bother you if you are into fitness and sports, and your spouse is a couch potato? )
What is your commitment to your work/career vs. commitment to spouse/kids?
How do you see your role in the larger community? (do you like to volunteer, go to church, be involved in politics or community groups? Do you want to change the world, or stay home and take care of your own kids/house/garden?)
What kind of relationships do you have with siblings/relatives friends and how might those affect the marriage? Do you have obligations or attachments that would prevent you from moving to another city/state/country?</p>
<p>I would not want my kids to marry someone who has an abusive/controlling personality, serious health problems, or big debt. These are red flags/deal breakers imo. I also greatly prefer they marry someone of the same religion.</p>
<p>When H and I used to speak at a marriage prep class I made up a 2-question compatibility test–as an icebreaker/joke. The first question showed a gas gauge with arrow indicating 1/4 tank. The choices were A) Plenty of gas–almost half a tank. or B) Practically empty–better fill up now! The second question showed a clock indicating 5:45 and this scenario: You are due at your in-laws for Christmas dinner at 6:00. It takes 15 minutes to get there. What time is it? The choices were A) Time to take a shower, decide what to wear, etc. or B) Time to get in the car–we’re gonna be late! I’m a B, H is an A on both. We are incompatible/opposites in many ways, but still married. You can tell a lot about someone by how they interpret a gas gauge and a clock. 
</p>
<p>Oh dear, dh and I have had that er… discussion a million times. Interesting, I say there is plenty of gas, but it’s time to leave! </p>
<p>I think about 99% percent of it all is communication. If you discuss some of the many topics on this thread with a potential mate, how you communicate your beliefs/feelings/ideals about them will matter almost as much, and sometimes more, than the actual core belief. If there’s a hard line about something and a refusal to discuss further, you pretty much have your answer, whether the other person agrees with you or not. Because, as has been said, things happen. People change. Illness strikes, downturns come along. If you can COMMUNICATE as you NAVIGATE (oh, lord, that rhymes), I think it’s possible to deal with a lot more than if you do not.</p>
<p>I know for me, in the process of getting married for the second time, I take these issues much more seriously than I did the first time around (15 years ago). </p>