Thanks! I will be involved and do nice things at the venue. Flowers, photos , microphone so people can speak, placecards and DS gently told me “I think Dad has to give a speech”. Haha! Soon to be DIL is introverted, but I can just tell she wants something traditional and well, expensive obviously. I don’t want to ruffle any feathers, so it’s minimal on my part. I just think the whole thing is a bit amusing.
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Yes, agree about responsibilities of a guest, but this is a moms and dads thread. When someone sees S/D’s friends having over the top things and S/D gets sucked into these things - be it as bridesmaid/groomsman, etc. They have a hard time saying “this guy’s (or gal’s) trip means I have to pay via credit card, and I have other expenses - the trip is too expensive for me to handle” - or saying they can’t go. I have heard where the maid of honor or best man even suggests that the group pays for the bride or groom’s trip expenses. DD2 had been to two of these bridesmaid trips that were truly vacation type of trips - multiple days, airline flight for all, and days of expenses. One was a college friend that she is close to, and the other is a cousin that she is also close to – but she had little say in the trip, as the maid of honor was the driving force of this in both cases.
DS and DD may have their ideas, and certainly often now they want the parents’ fund and they put on the wedding. We gave DD money, we had a very short list of who we could invite from friends (it was their event and they had a limitation on the reception hall on their number of guests), and closer to the event, DH asked if DD did need more money and the groom to be and she had it under control. When they found out people from a distance could not come, they invited more of their local friends. The wedding was everything DD/SIL wanted. DH and I did the support work with DH’s parents/family which stayed at our home before and after the wedding weekend hotel stay, and also having ‘open bar’ at our suite for two nights for family/friends.
Glad DD1/SIL had a very reasonable wedding party as well; they are very close to these people (each included their only sibling as best man and maid of honor).
I also think that when we get a first “up close and personal - as in personal to OUR family, OUR kids” of what/how weddings can be these days it can be a shockeroo! NO WAY, did I or my family or my H or his family - no way did we pay attention to the detail and have all the tasks associated with a wedding when we got married.
That’s the fun of this thread. To see the highs and lows, the traditional and the wild, the most simple to the most embellished, and sometimes, families coming together and sometimes NOT.
Hopefully people here are supportive also recognizing their is not just one way to get to the “alter” so to speak. 
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After the reception event, some of DD/SIL’s friends were lined up to help with getting the hall back into order (table and chairs locations primarily). I took the table cloths (all were owned by the bride - other friends’ table cloths from prior wedding and additional ones purchased) for laundering. Whoever was assigned to stay after to help scattered. DH and I corralled a few family/friends still there at the end to help, with one by the gift table - and making sure all the gifts and the card box were properly dealt with. One of the groomsmen staying at the wedding couple’s apartment (wedding couple had bridal suite at hotel) took charge of the wedding cards, while DH and I loaded up and drove the gifts to the apartment at an arranged time. All the after the event stuff was not on our list, but what needed to be done was done. The bride/groom had the sendoff at the steps outside, and their attendants all had left with a drove of their friends at that point.
The one thing DD/SIL did that was ‘different’ was that they ate in their own room, an intimate dinner. The rest of the people had the buffet line. They later came out for cake cutting and the rest of the festivities. The very nice wedding we attended in Boston, the bride and groom sat at their own table near the center area of the rest of the tables but pretty set apart - their table was moved later as it was in the dance area. The bride did change into a traditional red/Asian wedding dress as they visited various tables - and relatives of the bride had the traditional wedding money envelopes for her purse. This bride and groom also did their planning in their city (as did DD/SIL), while incorporating some family traditions.
D/SIL did not do the traditional long table with the bridal party. They did a “sweetheart table” - a small round in the center - good view of the rest of the tables - for just the two of them. They wanted some “not in the midst of all the wedding people on top of us” moments and this was fine as all they really did was eat dinner and listen to their MOH and BM speeches (right next to them) at the sweetheart table. The bridal party then could eat with their family/spouses.
Sweetheart table was then moved for the dance floor and the bride and groom had no need for a table after dinner as they were visiting with everyone and dancing!
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Did not hear the term ‘sweetheart table’ but totally makes sense.
Niece’s wedding (in a large tent) had the wedding party table, a series of connected oblong tables down the middle of the room (with people sitting at both sides of these oblong tables), with round table at both sides – delineating the bride’s guest and the groom’s guest. The later dance floor was off on a corner. Only the bridal party was at the oblong tables. A few of the groomsmen were partiers, and clearly drunk (for all to see). The father of the groom actually talked about the son moving to the city (where the wedding was) when the son matured out of the heavy party stage - he said he wanted to find a great gal to marry and settle down (and he found it with our niece). The dad had a fun term for the party boys but I don’t remember it - he gave a very nice speech. Brother of the groom and his young family flew in from distant state, and MOG was clearly soaking up time and attention with them (two sons in their family, while bride is an only child but with a close cousin who was Matron of Honor). I made a point to go meet the parents of the groom on ‘their side of the tent’ prior to sitting down at tables.
This can be about anything not just weddings. As a parent you are free to tell your child what you can/will afford to do. There will always be others who are able/willing to spend more on something.
There is no one “right” way to do things. You do not need to be coerced into anything.
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What expenses are the maid of honor/best man expecting other attendants to cover for the bride or groom? The cost of the bachelor/bachelorette trip or party? It seems to me that if you are old enough to get married you are old enough to figure our if you can afford to go to a bachelor/bachelorette party.
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My D2 was invited to a bachelorette trip (she is not in the wedding party) and told the bride she could not afford to come. It was a trip to Mexico and yes the bridal party/friends were paying for the bride’s expenses. D2 has known the bride for 17 years and will be going to the bridal shower and of course the wedding which are here in town, but spending $1.5K for a long weekend bachelorette trip was not in D2’s budget.
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Forgive me, because I’m definitely venturing out onto thin ice, but why does this matter to you? (No need to answer here!). But you could think about it. You aren’t being asked to pay more than you want, so why does it bother you so much? (At least, it seems like it does from your posts).
It’s a tale as old as time – the bride does things differently than the mother of the groom. If there’s no harm done, let it go!
It’s a little bit of a hot button issue for me, because my mother in law disliked me, no matter what I did, or how hard I tried. I ended up writing her a letter saying I would be cordial, but would no longer make an effort. (Our relationship actually improved a bit after that). Twenty years later, on her deathbed, she told me “I was wrong about you”. Of course I was nice to her, but I thought to myself “too little, too late. I don’t care”.
So – I am keen to learn from this experience so I can have great relationships with future daughters in law. Key is being supportive and accepting. I try to telegraph “I think you are great!” in most of my interactions with them.
So if this were my daughter in law, who wanted an extravagant wedding, I would be “that’s great! It’s going to be beautiful! What can I do to help? I can’t wait! How fun!”
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I am supportive and all smiles. We can vent here, you know. I think these over the top weddings are ridiculous. It doesn’t matter whether it’s son’s or whoever. If I can’t vent here, where can I?
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We should all feel free to express our thoughts
I feel uncomfortable with all the excess, on a wedding I’m attending or the one of my children.
I’m not a fan of the “wedding industry” that thinks bridal couples “should” have this or that. And I’m especially concerned about how much burden is put on parents, the bridal couple, bridesmaids, groomsmen, and attendees to share in all these events. And costs because even the cost to attend feels expensive these days
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I assume son’s outdoor but fancy catered wedding was costly (they handled all planning - we just gave them a generous engagement gift check could have been used toward wedding stuff, house fund, whatever). But dancing with my joyful 96 year old dad? - that was priceless.
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I think some/many of us come to CC to vent, so we can be more positive or whatever in tough situations. I for one appreciate being able to do that, and I’m happy to “listen” to others do the same.
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I certainly did not intend to say “don’t vent”!
Just to raise the question about attitudes. They tend to leak through. And I hope to help other families avoid the difficult and unpleasant relationship I had with my own mother in law.
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My nephew had his wedding delayed 2 years due to covid. It was a destination wedding that required long drive and/or flights of nearly everyone. It was very very fancy, as the bride desired.
During reception, my older sister said to s, boy you will have to top this! S turned to her and said, nope! This is lovely for them but we will have the wedding and reception WE want.
S did have what he wanted. They then proceeded to have their lovely and simpler event a year later.
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Noted! Oh, I’m good at not “leaking” my face. I don’t really “care”, it doesn’t affect my pocketbook. I’m not a snarky person, at least not IRL 
I just think it’s ridiculous and need to express that.
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Yeah, but I bet it will be totally awesome & you’ll enjoy the heck out of it!
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Yes this sometimes a combo of the wedding thread and the “Say It” thread - lol, this thread helps to keep some peace in about to be joined families! 
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This post and my hair stylist. Where all my venting about the wedding goes 
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