The new thing around here seems to be a reception after-party — after arranging a beautiful, fun and festive celebration, the wedding party, B & G included, and any other hardy souls then go hang out at a chosen bar until it closes. I have been told this is to extend the party atmosphere because receptions are booked only until 10 or 11 pm
DH is already having nightmares about this, can’t say I blame him.
We’ve been to a handful with “official” afterparties, where there is an actual invite (as if my 57-ish y.o. self could make to a party that starts at 11pm 
) Other B&G’s unofficially go somewhere with the bridal party and friends after the reception in order to keep the party going. Also, most of the weddings we’ve been to lately, including my D’s, hard a hard end time of 10pm, due to noise ordinance issues.
Was not a thing where I’m from either. I’m told it’s a “southern thing” - and true to form, all of D’s southern-born friends have had them. Also not a thing where I am from is a friend of the family (usually a friend of the MOB) throwing a lavish bridal shower for a bride that isn’t her own daughter, but that’s very common here.
The after party for D1’s wedding, which was in May, was at bar in the hotel where most people were staying. It was not an official hosted party. The couple just let everyone know they would be going to the bar after returning from the wedding.
When I was little (like 3-5 years old) my parents friends were all getting married (my parents had married young) so I got to go to the church wedding and then was taken to my grandparents’ while parents went to the reception, which was always in a hall or restaurant.
Going up in Wisconsin, it was always a church wedding with 4+ bridesmaids and then a reception in a hall or bar (many bars had back rooms for parties and receptions) where a meal was served and it always involved chicken (baked, fried, roasted or some other way). Everyone in the family was invited so lots of kids running around. We’d stay until the bar closed, and then often go to someone’s house for an after party. When I was a teen, I often was a server at these weddings.
Two of my friends did have cake and punch receptions. Both were on the younger side when they got married. Both in Colorado.
My daughter now goes to a million weddings and most are pretty big with receptions in hotels or ‘venues.’ One was at the Four Seasons Disney World and was pretty pricey. Another was at an all inclusive hotel in the Dominican Republic and was pricey for the families and the guests.
My nephew just got married and they had the ‘signing book’ which was pictures of them with a lot of white space you could sign and make comments about. But it wasn’t places very well as it was behind a sign as you walked in and I think a lot of people missed it. There was a table with fans on it for the outside ceremony, but the clouds had come in and it wasn’t hot, so no one needed a fan. There was a sign with the table assignments but most figured that out anyway. No one was manning the book or asking anyone to sign.
At one of my cousins’ wedding many years ago, another cousin (they were also cousins but were in the same grade at a small town school) was charged with getting people to sign. It became a family joke that that job was a made up job just to give Harriet something to do. “Oh, that’s the Harriet job”.
Other jobs for those not in the wedding? Host for an older family member, at least for the ceremony. Give out flowers. Greet guests. A (short!) speech or toast. A reading (already rejected for this poster). A song? Selecting songs? Ask if they want to go to the bachelorette or get ready with them. Reserved seats at the ceremony close to the front.
Me? I just like to be a guest. No job, no extra duties, no stress.
Maybe I’m off with this – but if a guest is not in the bridal party and has rejected the offer to do a reading at the ceremony I wouldn’t spend any time thinking of an alternate role to honor this person. Since when is being an invited and cherished guest not enough?
I would ask the photographer to be sure this person is included in some pictures since the individual appears to be meaningful to the bride and/or groom.
I think “reject” is inaccurate – this is a ceremony still being planned, and B/G are wanting to include some non-attendant people. This person just said “oooh, please don’t make me read” so B/G are thinking of other roles because that’s the considerate thing to do.
My unpopular opinion (generally, not this specific wedding) is that attendants are not the B/G’s employees and shouldn’t be treated like everything is non negotiable. I have seen my DiL dragged for politely declining unworkable orders from brides.
In Minnesota it was common to have a personal attendant. My roommate was a hair dresser so she was always asked to do this, and I thought it was just a way to get free hair and make-up. Plus, most weddings were on Saturdays, her busiest day at the salon, so that meant she was giving up a day’s wages. She did sometimes say no.
That’s basically what they do here in my Midwest state. I haven’t been to a Jewish wedding in awhile, so don’t necessary think it’s a traditional just for that.
Def not just for Jewish weddings though I think the both parents down the aisle thing is not common in other ceremonies from what I’ve heard….maybe that’s changing?
It is. I’ve been to two of them. Personally, I think the sentiment is lovely but don’t like it. Only because the bride has on this amazing gorgeous dress. Her grand moment for all to see it is blocked by her mom having to squeeze in.
I’d like to add I’m glad our generation’s celebrations were much less. At least for me, it’s just too much.
Presumably the father already blocked the view from one side.
In many Jewish weddings I’ve attended (including my own), the groom’s parents precede him, and the bride’s parents precede her. In a more Orthodox ceremony, the two fathers might escort the groom and the two mothers the bride. No one is giving anyone away; they’re escorting them to the chuppah.
Gosh at my church it is sometimes tough for 2 ushers to go down the center aisle together with the offertory plates. Can’t imagine three people.
Not really. There is enough room in the aisle for 2 people to walk comfortably, not having to be touching their sides. So, her dress shows. 3 people have to squish, so her dress is not only blocked on both sides, but bodies pushed together more. Her dress does not get shown the way it could.
I like the custom you mention of the parents preceding.
I have to mention that all customs large or small are also part of the couple’s socioeconomic status.
Here where I presently live, things are much more casual and less lavish than another community I lived in. The whole wedding cost less than I paid just to attend my kid’s destination wedding.
I had both of my parents walk me down the aisle because I wanted both to be a part of the ceremony. I am not Jewish but had been to a few Jewish weddings and loved the custom. My dress wasn’t anything special so I never thought of showing it off.
Agree, there were plenty of opportunities for my dress to be seen throughout the ceremony and reception. It was more important for my parents to be near me. If the point is showing off dresses rather than family, then maybe just the mother of the bride should walk next to the bride - likely she spent a lot more time and trouble on her dress than the father did for his clothes!
I chose the procession with both H and I escorted by both of our parents. I hated the idea of being “given away” (H didn’t ask for permission to marry me either, that was my decision). D did the same as me.
Neither of us was concerned about our dress not being seen. I was married in a church and D was married at a historic property. Width of the aisle wasn’t an issue.
My daughter is getting married in Oct and no one is walking them down the aisle. Groom’s parents are long divorced and don’t get along, and currently his father is in a wheelchair because of back surgery. His mother owns the venue and I’m not sure she’ll be still long enough to walk down the aisle. That would leave me to walk daughter, and she doesn’t want that.
Not sure but I think the groomsmen will walk down, then the bridesmaids and then the bride. It’s not formal. They have an uneven number of groomsmen/bridesmaid because one bridesmaid can’t come.
All options of walking into a ceremony - including there not being an official “aisle” are just fine if it’s what the couple wants. Traditions are no good if they are disliked!
2 of our kids have married, one son and one daughter. They both had H and I at their side walking in. One wedding was in an Orthodox Church and one not in a church with the bride being raised Catholic and the groom being half Jewish!
The way it works in many Jewish weddings including mine and my daughters is that the parents walk the bride about 1/2 way down the aisle. Then they leave her and walk down the rest. The groom then goes back up the aisle, veils her, Then they proceed down together.