I will likely say “please think about” and add “maybe the venue has a creative idea” with a big helping of “I could be totally wrong on this”. I think they could have the MOH and one of the Best Men (there are two) sit with them, have the rest together nearby and the ones with family there sit with their family. But truly it is up to them. The original reasoning from the bride was “but I want to talk to all of them” and I thought well at one long table that isn’t happening but kept my mouth shut. It’s not a huge deal.
i wouldn’t expect to be consulted on seating or table arrangements, or anything, actually…but it’s nice to talk about! I agree with DH, who says our job for the newlywed years of our kids’ is to prove to our DiLs that we can be trusted to stay in our lane, happily.
My daughter’s husband was in a wedding while they were dating and she was his plus one. She did not know anyone at the wedding and they had a long table with the bride, groom and wedding party and she sat with strangers. It was awkward but she got through it.
Not a fan of the head table with attendants only (or with SO but that is a little better). Suffered thru quite a few back in the dark ages. My future DiL is considering it and I’ve been advocating against it with my son (will share my opinion to DiL if asked): 1. The B&G are usually at the head table for a very short amount of time while their attendants are often seated for much longer. 2. long tables don’t facilitate conversations among those seated so the B&G will not be afforded the opportunity to chat with their attendants other than the ones seated right next to them(and don’t get me started on the head tables that face outward like a display). 3. Seating attendants next to people they don’t know/away from SOs rather than with SO, friends and/or family feels inconsiderate and self indulgent in the part of the B&G, especially if the SO knows few, if any, other wedding guests.
My older D had a sweetheart table. She and her H sat there for about 15-20 mins tops (during the speeches ) all night.
I never get the long table thing anyway - it’s not like you can chat with the person 6 down from you anyway. And as an attendant (or a guest) I don’t want someone watching me eat my meal anyway!
I think the “table for 2” concept - the Sweetheart Table” is one of the best “new” wedding ideas.
I recently attended a wedding that did something new to me - there were servers with platters of the signature cocktail at the entrance to cocktail hour on one side, and servers with the passed appetizers on the other. It meant everyone had a drink and nosh in hand before even entering the cocktail space which meant no crowding the bar or scrounging for food. Everyone just organically started mingling and chatting. I thought it was a great idea!
Does anyone have any advice for meeting my son’s fiance’s parents? We are meeting in May and the wedding is in August. I know I have time, but I have already had a odd dream about meeting them. Points to a bit of anxiety? Any good stories to tell?
My nephew’s wedding this summer had 8 bridesmaids and 9 groomsmen (although one was his sister). They all had dates. They had a big tables running along the back of the tent. The other tables were round. I never talked to the bride and groom, I sat with my nephew/date, my daughter/date and the brother and sister of the groom’s father. They were nice, but they moved our table to way in the back on the bride’s side of the tent. I thought that was pretty rude of the bride’s mother (no doubt who was in charge) and so we weren’t near anyone I knew and all MOB’s friends were in the ‘golden circle.’
I was in a wedding with a head table and the 3 bridesmaids didn’t have dates and the 3 groomsmen had wives. We sat next to the guy who we were pair with. I didn’t care, but boy the wives did. Dinner was only an hour but we’d just spent an hour getting photos taken and while these 3 wives knew each other, they didn’t know anyone else.
I think a long table of 24 (did I get that right, 12 attendants and their +1?) will be strange unless they sit double sided down the middle of the room.
Sweetheart tables aren’t new. I went to a wedding 40 years ago with one and I thought it was strange, but my daughter just got married and had one because her MIL, who owned the venue, insisted. The idea was for each table to go up to the on the way to get food. That didn’t work. B/G didn’t last long at the sweetheart table. Other daughter getting married in March and there are only 25 people and I think it is one or two long tables and no one will care where anyone sits. I think everyone knows at least 4 other people and many know 10 (college friends). HIs parents know his HS friends. Even his brother went to the same college so knows a few of the older kids from the same college.
But yes, I feel for the plus1 guests if they don’t know anyone and the dinner takes a while.
The attendants at DDs wedding sat with the group of friends…not with the family. We had a LOT of family members, many aunts and uncles. Frankly, the younger attendants had more fun sitting with the younger people.
There was plenty of time for everyone to chat during the cocktail hour, and during the dancing/party time after the meal was served.
The very hardest thing about DDs wedding was the seating chart. DD and I went back and forth because we wanted everyone to be comfortable where they sat.
Bride and groom had their own table, and all their friends were in the tables immediately near their table. We parents of the bride were at a table in front of them. Grooms parents were on the opposite side. Family and friends were around the fringes of the room…hopefully grouped with people they knew or would enjoy.
Our first meeting with D’s in-laws was easy and comfortable. Our D and SIL are well matched and we were all very happy. D had met in-laws and SIL met us multiple times before we all got together. We had brunch at a restaurant which I think was a good choice as it was neutural turf, no pressure for anyone to host, and a limited amount of time.
I think the best advice is to relax and enjoy. Assume everyone wants to get along well. If your child is happily engaged, nothing else is all that important.
Is there any reason to think you need to feel uncomfortable or anything besides yourself??
If you haven’t already have your family
Member getting married gift you some info about the parents - do they work, what do they do, hobbies, likes/dislikes….so then you have some topics of conversation that are “do’s or don’t”!
My MiL still is furious, 50+ years later, that when my FIL was the best man at his brother’s wedding, she was sat at the very back of the room with one couple who barely spoke to her all night. My FIL was the only person there she knew.
The idea of double sided table down the middle is actually pretty clever! Thank you for that.
As for meeting the other parents, it’s like any other sort of social meet. Small talk, maybe wedding talk about the venue and how nice it is, and never tell an embarassing story about your child. No true confessions. (I was extremely nervous as well, both times. You got this!!)
I would say something to your son. My favorite line currently is, “it’s your wedding and you can do whatever you want, but “. And then “I have a thought for your consideration “ or “what do you think about” or “have you thought about “ ……. And then I reiterate that it’s just a thought and they can do whatever they want.
In your situation I wonder if they’ve visualized how the seating would work at all of the other tables, and who would be sitting with whom. I think the table seating is the hardest part of the wedding planning, and it was helpful to me to make name tags and move them around from one paper “table” to another until I found a configuration that would work.
D is a bridesmaid. She had a gown shipped to our house to try on and then I measured her and send them the measurements. She got the gown made to her measurements and it fit but was long. Today, we found the pair of shoes she liked and in the color requested by the bride (nude). When she tried the gown on with the shoes, the gown barely brushes the ground.
The gown was about $100 and shoes were $23. The dress seller will pay up to $50ish toward alterations. Should D hem an inch or just let things be? She’ll probably never wear the garment again as it’s a sage green (she has never been a fan of green).
This may be a dumb question–my younger D is getting married in May. My older D got married 15 years ago and I realize wedding practices have changed. Two good friends of mine want to throw a wedding shower for D. D likes the idea of a wedding shower, but says she doesn’t want gits. That’s fine. My question, however, is whether it’s still the practice to only invite people to the shower who are also invited to the wedding? Any opinions?
It’s offensive to many to be invited to a shower but not the accompanying wedding. May be seen as a gift grab. Our whole family was asked to have a shower for a cousin whose wedding we were specifically told we were NOT invited to. We were all offended.
The wedding was out of town but we were all willing and planning to fly to it. We thought it very off we were asked to throw a shower for someone but they didn’t want us to attend the wedding.
In general I’d only invite people to a shower who are invited to the wedding. Some exceptions could be if the wedding was small, out of town, or something along those lines. Not sure this would be different even with a no gift policy. YMMV.
Sage green seems popular of late. My D was in 3 weddings last year. All sage green bridesmaid dresses. She’s also not a fan of green. Spray tan helped a bit but those dresses have gone to goodwill.
If possible I recommend hemming to ensure your D won’t catch the hem (front or back) while she’s walking and in case of inclement weather.