I do not know why people (as invitees) feel they have any rights to anything other than what the couple/family decides! I think most couples/families lose enough sleep as it is and invest enough time in the precious and hard job of who to invite. They get to create the conditions of their wedding and even do that by venues and vendors they choose which may dictate # of guests, type of food served, safety of guests - all the things!
I cannot imagine asking for an exception or anything other than what the invitation dictates. That also includes asking questions AHEAD of the invitation. If you are asking for an exception, chances are there is someone else asking to. And each one of those is an awkward situation for the couple/family when they already have or will state their choices.
I generally agree with your post, but I admit to being hurt when my (adult/married) child was the only one in the MOGs family to be left off the invite list. There was no āissueā between them, and we had vacationed and spent holidays together. We did not ask for an exception, but we did not attend. I donāt think MOG was happy with the decisions, her sonās or ours, but there was no other ādramaā and weāve been back to seeing each other since then.
I get that feeling you had. But hopefully the feeling passed and the relationship continued.
Two people getting married, two or more potential sets of parentsā¦ā¦there are bound to be people that the couple would LIKE to invite, but space or money or even just desires of a more cozy event prohibit open arms of invitations.
Yep, we actually tried hard NOT to make it a family drama. They made their choice, we made our choice, and no more discussion necessary. One family member tried to make more of it, but we didnāt feed their drama.
I grew up a few houses away from a young woman, went to a small college with her, had the same friend group, and had her as a bridesmaid in my wedding. She was in the wedding of another of our good friends. When she got married, neither of us were invited to her wedding. Another of our friends was. She was told that we werenāt invited because we had husbands, and her guest list was limited - she invited the other friend because she knew that friend wouldnāt bring a date. First of all, she could have asked us not to bring our husbands given the limited space. But hey, we could have looked past the snub except for the fact that she had the audacity to complain to the friend who was invited that the other friend & I hadnāt sent wedding gifts.
We did send a very nice check to the bride and groom for wedding we missed. Itās so hard for the wedding couple to make decisions, and we know that. My own kid had 20ish ppl at his wedding, so hard lines were drawn.
Iāve mentioned that my family was 12 of 150, because the wedding was on a Sunday night. I asked for the children to be included, as the few were teens. Of course, none came. In the cases where there was a baby, only one parent came.
At the next family gathering, one mom said how pleased she was with the invite.
As I write this, I realized that there were 4 prior events, all Bar/Bat mitzvahs.
I donāt even know if I posted on here. Lol but my son is getting married Nov 16,2025ā¦ Itās a Sunday wedding. I will definitely go through these posts for suggestions and ideas. He wants to pay for it. He has bids and told me, āWeddingās arenāt cheapā . Venue in Chicago is picked out. Photographer done. A few Djs to talk with.A few Florist picked out .Hotels reserved He is coming in from Sweden (there 1.5 /3 years for work), and has some tastings set up later this month. Then heās back like 2, weekās before his wedding. Hopefully most things will be sorted out by April. I honestly wished it was like Covid times when people had fantastic wedding in their back yards. The space
fee alone is insane.
My daughter is getting married in 10 days in Spain. They are paying for the venue (Villa) where all will stay, so limited to 30ish people (if some on rollaway beds) so invited about that many and I think there will be 25 total. Only his parents, brother and wife, me and my daughter and her husband. The rest are all their friends from hs (him) and their college. NO children. Three couples have children, all 1 to 3 years old, and they were not invited. Daughter said they could come and stay at a nearby hotel and just come to dinner and the wedding without the children, but all figured it out. Two are leaving the children in the US with grandparents and the other is coming solo but I think has a babysitter for her child as husband has another event. She griped about it for about 2 weeks and said she couldnāt come, but D didnāt budge and this friend, who has FOMO, found a solution. D did make an exception for one of the hs friends who just had a baby in Dec so couldnāt be left, but that couple isnāt coming.
Iām the ONLY one who got a Plus 1, and even that was with limits. I had the choice of my sister or my BFF, who happens to be this childās godmother. (Godmother won). His parents are really pissed that another brotherās girlfriend wasnāt invited because heās only been dating her since the fall (and D isnāt crazy about her) so that brother isnāt going (although he also had a work conflict). (secretly, there is one couple who isnāt officially engaged but have been living together for 5 years and the women (friend) gets to bring him). Donāt tell anyone.
MOG also mad that no other aunts, uncles, cousins were invited. I think it is easier to invite everyone or no one, so I havenāt even told my sister about the trip, the wedding, the possibility she could have come but not her kids or our brothers. Nope, just easier to say all invited or none.
That was THE only thing I insisted on for DDs wedding. She wanted a DJ. We are a family of musiciansā¦I insisted on a band. At the end, she agreed, it was a great choice. Five piece band and the lead guy/organizer was amazing to work with and really kept people dancing. They were very good (we thought). And I was willing to pay for that!
We had friendās kidās getting married. One was in NY on their apartment balcony with their parentās in attendance. It was live streamed and beautiful. Saw otherās in peopleās backyards. There is just too much emphasis on what people think a wedding should be. Just went to one that the flowers were most likely close to $50,000 or more. Itās was beautiful and they can afford it but still.
My wifeās cousinās daughter is in her early 30s. Getting married think it the hills in Vermont by a base of a mountain. They planted wild flowers this year for next year. They are having an outdoor BBQ. Getting up lights for the trees in the area. Hanging lights and getting a DJ that is a friend and making a song list but allowing their guest to also give songs via some app. There is more detail and it just sounds beautiful.
Yep. We had a Motown band for ours. When I say Motown it was in Detroit and we had Motown session musicians and a known lead singer. Once they started no one sat down the entire time. It was a blast.
They have a back up plan. She told us what their thinking for the tables etcr. Everything natural and it fits her perfectly. My point is it doesnāt have to cost a fortune to have at gathering to be celebrated. Our daughter already told us she wants a small wedding when it happens. She doesnāt want all the hoopla. This type would be perfect for her.
My nephew had both, a DJ and a 5 piece band, plus at one point the FOB playing a tribute to her with a Taylor Swift song. This wedding was a āsimpleā one in a family memberās yardā¦a yard on a golf course with a huge tent and 175 people served a sit down dinner. Money was not an issue and it was very expensive. The DJ and the band coordinated a lot of the songs (maybe they were a package deal?). It was nice to have the volumn and the energy of the band but the vocals and pace of the DJ.
For my daughterās wedding in 10 days, she has a makeup and hair person who also plays the violin, so will do the pre-wedding music. The the iPhone will do the rest. Itās only 25 people so a 5 piece band would really increase the guest list!
. Venue in Chicago is picked out. Photographer done. A few Djs to talk with.A few Florist picked out .Hotels reserved He is coming in from Sweden (there 1.5 /3 years for work), and has some tastings set up later this month. Then heās back like 2, weekās before his wedding. Hopefully most things will be sorted out by April. I honestly wished it was like Covid times when people had fantastic wedding in their back yards. The space