You can choose your friends but not your relative!
I missed some things with DD1’s wedding because of chores with in-laws, having to leave the venue city early – I should have had them late check out so they could rest, but MIL wanted to get back to my house (thus me missing time with family/friends on the morning after the wedding).
Nephew’s wedding was a year later, and I stayed away from in-laws as much as politely possible. They had declined a lot. God bless BIL (father of the groom) for driving his parents to both OOS weddings, DD1 and his son’s.
After DD1’s rehearsal dinner, some people came to our suite where I had set up mini bar and snacks - DH and his parents went that way, and I went to the hotel bar with others. DH complained that I ‘ditched’ them - I didn’t want to miss time with others, and this pack mule had done her duty already.
Saturday after the reception, we again had open bar and snacks, and it was fun mix of people. MIL/FIL were already in bed.
I was so good today! I was in the famous craftsy retailer recently bankrupt and closing. Had a bunch of deeply discounted ribbon in the wedding colors…and then went to myself – "did anyone ask you to get this? are we staying in our lane? " so I put them back. I feel very virtuous
Sorry, me again. Spoke with S/FDiL tonight about some arrangements and discovered that they thought they would invite everyone to the wedding AND the Sunday brunch. I somehow kept a straight face and just said “so, you want to have two receptions? I don’t think all those people will fit at the BnB, but we can cancel the contract and find a VFW hall or something if that’s what you want for Sunday”. They are modifying their expectations tonight . Eeeep.
My extended family have had 5 weddings in the last few years. We had unspoken rule of just to show up no matter what. No drama and no demands. If no kids were invited, do not ask for exceptions. If it’s a couple of thousand miles away, still show up without whining. All the cousins knew they were required to be there with a smile. Whoever’s kid wasn’t getting that days were responsible to get my mom to and from the wedding and avarious events. To be fair my mom was very easy. She did whatever we asked of her.
D2’s ceremony was scheduled to be outdoor in a garden with the reception indoor. In case of a rain the ceremony and cocktail would be moved indoor in a gallery. The catch was we woukd need to make a decision if it’s indoor or out door by 10am. It was very stressful because there was a chance of rain at 40%. D2 really wanted it outdoor and the weather forecast indicated the chance of rain at the ceremony time was down to 20% so we went for it. All day long while we were getting ready we constantly checked the weather. Luckily it worked out. We had no rain, was a bit humid, but wasn’t too hot.
I wouldn’t have agreed to have the ceremony outdoor if there was no backup.
How late do you think the guests would stay? Many would probably go for drinks after the reception/dancing, so could easily sleep in and skip breakfast even at noon. What I’m trying to say is that it is unrealistic to have a good count of folks for such after wedding brunch. I’d limit the guests to family… Also, if people will be checking out of their hotel rooms, it could be a hassle trying to get to brunch with luggage etc.
In our experience, most guests will need to check out of a hotel by noon. We had brunch from 10-12 at the hotel where most guests were staying – people (even those who attended the after-party) generally came for brunch between 10 and 11 and left in time to get back to their rooms and collect baggage for noon check-out.
We did have a separate RSVP online for guests invited to the brunch and the count was pretty much on mark.
Yes, brunch in the hotel where everyone is staying is great, but I think the poster was looking for a separate venue for the brunch that could accommodate this large crowd.
The poster is staying at a large Airbnb with some family members and apparently contracted for a smallish brunch for I guess them and a select group of others. Bride and groom assumed all 130-150 guests could be invited to this brunch. Poster said uh uh, not enough room there, would need another big venue. Bride and groom are oops, we’ll sleep on that. Updates (hopefully) to come.
Likely our son will never marry, at least not in my lifetime, so I live vicariously.
For D1’s wedding close family members and the wedding party stayed at a B&B. It had a big yard, and a large dining area. We had a buffet breakfast that was catered because the B&B didn’t offer food. All guests were invited. They didn’t all come at the same time. They stopped by on their way out of town. I still remember it happened to be a nice day, so people went out to the courtyard to “relive” the day before and say goodbye to people. It was very relaxed, low key.
D2 didn’t do a brunch the day after because a lot of their guests lived in NYC, and other guests stayed at various hotels. There would be no easy centralized place to have the brunch.
We had brunch at my sister’s place which was a short fridge from waikiki, where many guests were staying but worked. I reminded bride they may be tired and the revised breakfast to brunch.
Agree on all of that. Hopeful that the couple will reach those same conclusions; I think this mainly represents a difference in what a brunch is for? Bride wants to see everyone again. I think you are feeding the essential people before they catch flights, etc…nobody at this wedding is closer than a couple hours, and yes, there is (I hear) an after party excursion the night before so who is getting up for a light breakfast? It will all work out. FDiL did immediately squash any notion of changing the accomodations/brunch venue so I’m just gonna give them time to reframe. Wedding isn’t until summer, there’s still time.
If you’re renting an AIRBNB your out could likely be that they would not allow lots of people on the property for a morning after event. Most we have ever rented prohibit in writing parties, lots of extra people on site, etc.
I helped MOG host a morning after breakfast/brunch at their home the day after since we were in their (and the bride/groom’s) hometown. I’m glad we did it. It was by invite, mostly family or out of towners. We did it open house style - so over a period of like 9-12ish to accommodate different flights and car departures. We shopped for it a couple days before the wedding. I’m glad we did it but not gonna lie, it was TOUGH and rough and rushed waking up after a few hours of sleep and getting back in entertaining mode - even though we kept it simple (perhaps more basic than I would have done food wise if I was in charge of those decisions!)
I suggest any morning after events be limited with people and as hands off for the wedding party people including the parents!
the BnB is routinely used for events for 30-40 people so that’s not an issue; they are aware of all the plans at this point. When S2/DiL were married we had a small brunch at our house, bc the wedding was in our town. This wedding, however, is hours from all of us so that wasn’t a choice.
I’ve gently stressed to FDiL that she is not to bother with arrangements for the rehearsal picnic or the brunch, we will handle all that, but she really has trouble not wanting to be managing every detail of everything. It’s a work in progress.
Some brides want to be more involved with the rehearsal dinner than others. Bride (and my son) wanted the rehearsal dinner and brunch at the same venue as the wedding, a French country inn near DC. I would have rather had the rehearsal dinner at a local brewery but they had their own idea about rehearsal dinner invitations and location. We just gave them a check and showed up! They paid for most of the wedding themselves and my DIL had a clear vision of what they wanted.
Of course. FDiL doesn’t have a vision, and doesn’t have a specific goal — just wants The Right Answer and has decision paralysis until she knows what that is .
Naturally,some decisions don’t have a right/wrong and that’s where she gets stuck. FDiL/ S agreed we would tackle dinner and brunch to give the bride some space in her brain for other things.
