So it’s the fact that D2 might get married in a non Christian religious ceremony that’s the issue?
I grew up a practicing Catholic and played the organ for dozens of weddings from ages 13-18 and never heard of this. I’ll have to ask my sister, who worked for the church for about a dozen years and H is a deacon, about it. I’m sure I’ve never heard them mention it before, but they have seen and heard everything.
I exposed my kids to the Catholic Church (2x month) and Catholic school until around middle school/high school. I didn’t not make them get confirmed, as I don’t consider myself to have any affiliation with an organized religion.
There is no issue. DD2 is not planning a wedding. I just mentioned the thinking of DD1 and her family not participating in bridal party with non-Catholic wedding (if that does get planned at some point by DD2). People indicated concern about creating some kind of problem on this thread, and DDs are very close. We as parents are not dictating this, but it does make sense to us about DD1/family not being in the bridal party if DD2 is not a practicing Catholic and has a non-sacramental wedding.
“They have seen and heard everything”. A bride-to-be raised Catholic may never have discussed this if marrying outside of the faith/non-church wedding.
A parent should not ‘make’ a kid get confirmed, and you are right about that.
My sisters H and his family were very much Baptist when they were married. All super active in that church. They were married by both priest/minister. Her H converted later.
My H was not Catholic either. He wasn’t anything at the time.
Okay, I know this rabbit trail has gone on long enough, but I have to clarify @SOSConcern,
D1 and D2 were both raised as practicing Catholics. D1 is still a practicing Catholic. Was married in the Catholic Church. Married a Catholic boy. D2 has a long-time boyfriend who is not Catholic. D2 is no longer a practicing Catholic. IF they marry it would not be in a Catholic Church. Because of this, D1 would not be willing to, “stand up” (aka be a bridesmaid for D2) because of her choice not to marry in a Catholic chuch . D1 has had no issue being a bridesmaid in friends’ weddings because they were NOT Catholic.D1 believes those raised as Catholics should be married in a Catholic Church. Failure to do that results in a personal choice (not a Catholic church rule) by D1 NOT to be a bridesmaid for D2.
In essence D1 is judging D2’s choice and would demonstrate that judgment by not participating as a bridesmaid.
“If they marry it would not be in a Catholic Church” - that part is correct. The reason DD1 would not be standing up is that this would not be a sacramental marriage, but of course we all will attend the wedding.
It has to do with practicing the faith, and being a help to family, friends, and others. DD2 right now is going her own way with her faith and not following the Catholic Church or any church.
DD2 and DD1 have a great relationship. It has to do with respecting each other as well. If DD2 had a Catholic priest or Deacon she was close with, they could choose to attend the wedding.
No need to get worked up about this. Our family isn’t, and BF’s family would also understand. DD2’s friends would also understand.
It must vary by parish or diocese. I am not Catholic (never converted) - I married a Catholic, in a Catholic church with a full mass, with attendants who weren’t Catholic. My pastor was also permitted to co-officiate with the priest. The priest also invited everyone present to participate in the Eucharist.
After we were married, the priest asked both my husband and I to teach a Catholic confirmation class (which we both did).
My kids are Catholic school kids. Both have soured on the Catholic faith. My older D was married in an outdoor ceremony by her grandfather - and I highly doubt my younger D will do a church wedding either. Among my older D’s friends, it’s about a 60/40 split with 60 percent not being married in their church.
Granted a while ago, but when we married in 1981, a very good friend who was a devout practicing Catholic told us she could not attend our wedding…for a few reasons. I was previously married and divorced, and we were not getting married by a priest of the Catholic Church or in a Catholic Church.
TBH, we were very hurt by this…especially since the home where we had our wedding…the owners were Catholic, as was all of DHs immediate family. And they all were at our wedding.
As I said many posts above, I think there are many Catholics practicing different ways. Some more stringent, some more open. Like many religions I guess?
Sort of feels a shame not to celebrate the love and intend of a marriage.
I will be attending my first Jewish wedding next year and really looking forward to it. I don’t think it will be in the synagogue (I know the parents’ wedding was in her parents’ home) but not sure where it would be. Maybe a botanical garden? (his sister’s bat mitzvah party was in one and was lovely).
I’ve been to weddings in all variations of churches and outside venues, and really like them all. I do like cake so always hope the wedding will have one (or a cake-like dessert or even better, PIE). My mother always suggested getting married the week between Christmas and New Years as the church is already decorated; my godfather was married Dec 26 and she thought it was genius; a friend (Catholic) was married in the Episcopal cathedral (with priests from both religions officiating) on Dec 30 and it was also gorgeous. Her reception was at the Brown Palace, decorated to the Nines with no work on her part (but I’m sure the cost included in the overall bill).
I knew a couple who got married on 3/14 and they only had pie! I think three different kinds. No wedding cake. I thought that was fun. Sadly, the marriage didn’t last
That priest allowing/inviting everyone present to participate in the Eucharist was incorrect - practicing Catholics w/o serious sin (venial sins are cleansed in earlier part of the Mass) can partake of the Eucharist - as we believe this is Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Christ. It is a sacrament.
Some priests and perhaps even a few Bishops did not follow Church teachings - but the Eucharist is a sacrament - important enough to state again. This might have occasionally happened in past years – during a period of ‘absorbing Vatican II/changes’ and also some priests that were not ‘reigned in’ by their Bishop. Weak Catechisis - now we have additional sources of looking up things on Vatican website, have the Catechism of the Catholic Church (Second Edition, in English, 2000). In our particular Catholic Church, we have ‘adult ed’ and bible studies - something not really heard of when I was growing up.
We recently had a Deacon who was not following Church specific verbage during important parts of sacrament of Baptism and Marriage – and he was suspended by our Bishop (Diocese), got additional guidance, and now is a Deacon at another area Catholic Church. Certain things must be followed by Catholic Priests/Deacons.
She could have attended - but she might have gotten ‘bad’ advice, or it bothered her IDK “for a few reasons”. It would not have stopped DH or me from attending a very good friend’s wedding.
Your family/friends that were at your wedding were able to share in your joyful marital union.
We attended my sister’s marriage to a Lutheran Minister - it was a tough thing for our parents because this man had been married before (his wife divorced him), he was only a few years younger than our parents, and he was 41 at the time and my sister was 25.
My parents were gracious during and after the wedding, and this BIL has acted terribly in my parents’ home (DH and I witnessed) - such that DH can’t stand to be around him.
Their marriage is going strong, although my sister is now his caretaker (he would be in assisted living or skilled care w/o her) while she is staying very active with community and family.
At the weddings I’ve attended at a Catholic Church, the priest instructs those who want to participate but haven’t done confession or otherwise don’t qualify to receive communion can get a blessing. That seemed to work nicely.
I think we have 51 weeks to go here! A couple of weeks ago I went with FDIL, her mom and younger S’s GF wedding dress shopping. It was a lovely day. FDIL narrowed it down between one there and one in her hometown.
I’m starting the horrid process of trying to find something for me. Dresses are not my thing. (Think Brienne on GOT) I found one I think I like online, but it seems early. The bridesmaids dresses aren’t picked out yet. Only the color pink.
Venue has been selected and the food. Maybe the flowers. The kids are handling most everything.
