Great on thinking of getting price breaks when you can. You are correct about there being something wrong about the overall cost of weddings.
Yes, wedding dresses have that lead time typically - so it was terrific that ShawD found the dress as a sample. In addition to wedding dresses being somewhat with a price range that can go quite high, many dresses can be found at a fraction of those costs with the right way to look. Often new brides-to-be have friends that can offer some guidance. Some brides-to-be have the dress shopping event, and they typically do purchase a higher priced dress at the bridal store.
Crazy about the charge for booking the band - assuming that didn’t include the actual band fee.
Nephew is getting married in WI in June. DDs and we did not get ‘save the date’ and we are 100% fine with it - I am sure it is cost constraints and having the area relatives/friends that they interact with be the ones that they want to share their special day. This couple have lived together for a number of years and own a condo together.
That’s insane to take out a loan for the wedding. What a way to start a marriage.
One of the best weddings I’ve ever been to was in a town rec center, where guests brought the pot-luck food, and one of the friend’s brought his speakers for the play list on the couple’s iPhone. Money doesn’t equal a fun or lovely time.
A critical skill for a successful life is the ability to live within one’s means. To me, taking a wedding loan (something I never heard of before) would be a huge red flag.
I love the artsy ensemble. Good job getting it early so there’s no stress!
When I was looking at an outdoor wedding, I was shocked how much more it cost than a wedding at a venue, primarily because of the cost of the tent, especially if you get a floor for the whole tent.
My FB feed is getting filled with wedding tips. The one that I thought was most helpful is to appoint 1 person as the answer person. While that might be a wedding coordinator, maybe you have a family member that knows the farm well and would be willing to be that person?
Can’t imagine taking a wedding loan. We are having a very expensive wedding but one of the reasons I m continuing to work even though the financial planner said I could easily retire is so I can spend frivolously on the wedding. It’s a pleasure to be able to do that, but I never would if it woukd effect anything else financially.
I know one coworker took out a loan to help pay for at least one of her kid’s weddings. It only cost around 12-15K, but when at the peak of your double income 40 year working career, you only gross $75K, 15K is much harder to save and pay for.
D1 had a wedding planner from the very beginning. She actually saved us a lot of money because she was able get discounts from various vendors for us. We had the wedding at her Alma mater, and there was another wedding nearby. They wanted the chapel to ring the bells after their ceremony, but it would have been during our ceremony. The wedding planner did her magic with the school so the bells wouldn’t ring. The day of the wedding her whole family came to help out. Her husband drove a van to move stuff around, her teenage kids were extremely helpful. I don’t think we could have done our semi destination wedding without her.
D2 had a local wedding. Her wedding planner was not responsible for sourcing vendors, so was lighter touch, but she was hands on the day of.
I think wedding planner is like a college counselor, there are different types, depending on your needs.
S used the wedding planner that venue recommended. She was “day of,” and helped everything run smoothly so we could all relax. We were all happy and she just blended into the background. As far as I know, no one took out any loans connected with our weddings nor kids weddings.
We never had a planner back in the day—it seems a more recent “thing.” We had 750 guests and things ran pretty smoothly.
My nephew got married at his fiancee’s great aunt’s house in Boulder (on a country club, north of town). They not only had a wedding coordinator but she was from Chicago as that’s where new wife and family was from and this planner had done many parties and the two older sisters’ weddings. We could not use the house at all, so that meant everything, including guests, had to be brought to this site: port a potties, mini buses to cart us all there, food, servers, bartenders, band, the fancy car they had their photos in…
Yes a tent, a dance floor, a 5 piece band and a DJ… all carted in.
So much for a little backyard wedding. The final sister is getting married this summer and it is all at a hotel in a ski resort. I think it is because it is half way between the groom’s home town and the bride’s, but in some ways just easier to do it all in one place? And yes, there is a wedding coordinator.
My daughter got married at a villa in Spain and had a great coordinator. She arranged the meals, dishes, linens, servers and told D where to go to get flowers (the day before), the lighting set up guys. Coordinator worked like a dog at both rehearsal dinner and wedding (and she spoke English!) She recommended a few people for other things and D found a woman who did make-up and played the violin for the ceremony and cocktail hours, and a photographer. D couldn’t be that picky but everyone recommended by the coordinator was great.
As mentioned above, D and SIL were married at an historic property ( about 45 minutes from our home). We used the wedding planner there which was great because he knew the property inside and out. The ceremony and cocktail hour were planned for outside, but in case of rain, he had a plan B and a plan C. He was able to coordinate the vendors and assist with logistics, etc.
D and I are very organized and we could have done some of this ourselves but she and SIL were living NYC at the time ( 5 hours away) and I was working full time plus.
The wedding did cost a lot, but we were able to do it and had we not been, we would have done differently. Agree with others, we would not have taken out a loan for a wedding.
When wedding and reception is held where many events are held, it tends to be easier because everyone is used to having events and most of the furniture and restrooms are already in place. My nephew had a wedding where everything had to be brought in — it was in an estate that was basically a field. They arranged it and it was lovely and just what bride wanted but cost a fortune. Since bride and groom are MDs as are parents of groom and father of bride, no one took out a loan but the deposits alone were pretty eye-popping to me!
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Sure thing. My friend did a backyard wedding for her daughter which entailed a TON of work and planning. (and money–much more than you’d initially think). Just the physical aspects of providing a bar, hauling things etc was awful. Dealing with vendors for tents, tables, dance floor, porta potties. (And then deal with returning all of it and the clean-up)
Add the house cleaning and yard work…
Contrast that to my son’s wedding at a country club with fab views–About the only thing the MIL did was help choose the meal off the menu. Everything else was in place and provided–tables, chairs, bar, staff, linens. Already had contingency plans for weather in place. Available parking. No clean-up beyond what they brought to decorate the tables. The club had done weddings hundreds of times and it went like clockwork. Even had available staging and dance floor. And a LOT cheaper than the backyard wedding.
My sister’s 3 D’s all had their receptions at the CClub where she is a member. Everything was smooth because they do a ton of weddings. Because they got married years apart, the price kept rising.
When S toured the CC with DIL and my sister, they were going to even charge him more because only aunt is a member, not me. He ended up choosing a different venue they loved more (that does a ton of events including weddings). It worked out perfectly—there was an outdoor courtyard where things were held, as well as a separate place for drinks & appetizers and a ballroom if weather didn’t cooperate. It also happened to be one of the cheapest options!
In this particular case it was a lot cheaper. But yes, not to even mention the worry (and that’s worth a LOT). Don’t get me wrong–the backyard wedding turned out great. Friend’s second D was married at a hotel–friend refused the home option (lol).
I got married in my parent’s backyard but that was a LONG time ago. It wasn’t too large–(50+) mostly family, a few neighbors and friends. Nobody had expectations beyond punch and cake in those days. No bands, no dancing, no djs, no over the top party. My mom made the food. I think that was the first big party my mom ever hosted in the house. She was very stressed to make it all perfect and everyone else just wanted to have fun. My dad said his biggest expense was champagne. The local liquor store back then rented chairs and glasses for events. The wedding was 11:30 (to make it lunch rather than dinner.) We finally left late afternoon (my mom finally shooed us out) and the rest of the guests partied long after to watch the horse race as it turned out. Even my stressed mom truly enjoyed it.
