2016 and beyond wedding moms and dads (Part 2)

Aeropostale as far as I know does not sell wedding dresses. But Anthropologie does. Close though. :grin:

My daughter tried on dresses at Anthropologie, they had a nice selection but found her dress at another shop

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I was thinking that also. Anthropologie has BHLDN - great to check out for wedding and bridesmaid dresses.

There you go…I don’t shop at either but knew it started with an A. My sister’s comment was that after the first 5 dresses they all looked the same and she couldn’t believe her daughter wanted to spend that much. In the end she didn’t spend that much and no alterations.

Her friend who went to both trying on sessions whispered to my sister that she’d spent 7x as much on her dress, and I’m sure the alterations were $1000. Her wedding was NOT planned in 8 months.:grinning_face:

Early Vera Wang is considered vintage.

  • Era and Definition: Generally, items over 20 years old are considered vintage. Vera Wang launched her bridal brand in 1990, making her early designs, such as those from 1995-1999, classic vintage pieces.

  • Key Characteristics: Early Vera Wang vintage dresses often feature:

    • Silhouette: Drop waist, ball gown, and sheath styles.

    • Fabric: Silk-faced organza, duchess silk satin, and delicate tulle.

    • Details: Statement bows, square “crumb-catcher” necklines, and intricate lace detailing.

Lucky this bridesmaid that she found one if these great dresses!

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This would make my daughter ‘vintage.’ Not ready to go there yet, not ready to be a mother of a ‘vintage.’

It may be declining but it’s still high. An because of the decades of high divorce rates, I think less people are getting married or waiting till they are older!

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I thought this is something that is also happening: “Separating a “wedding” from the act of marrying, as if the trappings were more significant than the ceremony, is no longer unusual — although a year is a long time to wait between the two.”

Here is the full Q and A Miss Manners: My brother hid his wedding from me - al.com

My niece also had a courthouse wedding and then was going to have a larger “official” wedding with family & loved ones later. (Her H was military and it would be better for his deployment if he was married rather than “just engaged.”) As it turned out, COVID put the kabosh on the wedding (which I was scheduled to officiate) that had been planned and they had a simpler wedding reception & baby shower the following year. They were happy and everyone was glad for the lovely family.

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I know at least 4 young couples who legally married at a city hall months or even a year before their big wedding…. for insurance purposes. Their later Wedding was a religious ceremony. Nothing” fake” about either to me.

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My DD#1 lived in TN and was married in IN. She wanted a TN license so at one point had a plan to just get married in TN and then have the wedding in IN, but the officiant and the court clerk said she could take the license to IN and have the officiant sign it and then file it in TN and that’s what she did.

DD#2 got had a wedding in Spain but too complicated to get legally married there so they will file a certificate in Colo when they want to. Colorado is a common law marriage state so they don’t actually need a certificate, but it is soooo much easier to have one and just slap it down on a desk when needed.

My niece is ‘getting married’ in Colorado in August but may do a civil ceremony in DC before that so that they have the document available where they live. Her fiance wants an actual ceremony at the wedding reception so they’ll probably do that in Colo too.

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LOL that’s what my parents did. My mom was uncomfortable “sinning” with my dad.

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Some countries one does need to do a separate civil ceremony and then one can have their religious ceremony.

The point of the letter to Miss Manners was quite different - it was putting things a bit out of order and being a bit fraudulent to others by having a showy wedding after the non-talked about civil ceremony (and wearing wedding rings but saying they were not married). Leaving a sister out of the ‘scheme’ and the rest of the immediate family somehow ‘buying in’. The dishonesty. The desire to ‘having it all’ - the desire to purchase a house and needing the marriage to ‘look better’ for financing that, lying to others by having a big wedding event like their marriage would be starting there. It is immaturity. Some people can’t ‘wait’ for things to be in right order, and it is up to others to decide if they are complicit in this. There are older people that can be immature with how they handle things, but more common with young adults IMHO.

I totally get the reasons why people have a civil ceremony and plan something later. During Covid, some went ahead and did a small family only gathering with plans for a one-year celebration - but with two couples we know, because of the extended Covid and perhaps other reasons, the larger event never happened. But be honest.

Certainly, understandable for military families too to have a civil ceremony or small event and perhaps a later reception - so true to be better for the marriage to take place with a committed couple if there is going to be that separation time.

Instead of being ‘sneaky’ and dishonest - just be straightforward about it.

I like the one “….a simpler wedding reception & baby shower the following year.” Double celebration for sure!

My Swiss cousin who married an Australian had the wedding/reception one place and a wedding reception at the other. That is what happens - they live in one country with ties to two.

There always is the chance of pregnancy after the civil ceremony and ‘being together’.

A church ceremony - be it Catholic, is entering a sacrament and a covenantal relationship “three in the marriage” - man, woman, and God covenant. The wedding is recorded with the churches where the man and woman were baptized (if both are Catholic). Our secular world takes weddings seriously (as a legal contract) - but even more seriously by Catholics as a sacrament and a covenant.

Other faiths might consider the church wedding a form of a blessing.

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This would have probably kept me and FOR SURE my daughters for ever going down the aisle for sure. And I would be running right behind them!

If a baby right away is the couple’s desire, totally fine. Anyone else setting those expectations or desires? Nope.

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I dont think the poster is in any way creating that expectation…but rather relaying an experience of one particular couple.

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My opinion stays the same. :blush:. I didn’t judge anyone whose path is that one.

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I think the people involved should be able to do things their way minus the judgment. No need to refer to a wedding as “ showy”.

My sister in law and her family love big parties and celebrations. That’s how they roll -all occasions are celebrated in a big way. They are happy to do this, don’t ask anyone else to pay for it and are very inclusive. It brings them joy and they love sharing it! I say, good for them!

My own family is not that way, but D and SIL did have the wedding they wanted. Some would call it “ showy” or “ lavish” but it was planned around wanting to share their joy with others and celebrating. Good for them, too.

Others prefer a more intimate wedding and again, I’m all for that.

No need for judgement or searching for motivations ( “ they wanted a wedding not a marriage “ or “ showing off”).

There is so much in this world right now that is scary, disturbing, sad , etc. Let’s choose the good.

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My parents used money my grandma left to pay for my wedding. They threw a big party, and they were so happy to do it (lots of their friends attended & had a great time). When D got married, we used money my dad left me to pay for it - I knew that he would have loved it. SIL’s parents asked to help pay for the reception, since the custom in their culture is for the groom’s parents to pay for the wedding. We did not want to deny them their request, and D & SIL happily included music from their culture at the reception. Was it more than they “needed?” Yup. Was it what made the bride, groom, and their families happy? It was. That’s all that mattered.

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All good when people want to voluntarily help fund a wedding. I agree with all of these that posted, and the wedding is great! Nice celebration!

The instances that are popping up are as I described from the Miss Manners inquiry. Another where the bride to be or the groom to be ‘expected’ specific family members to each contribute $20,000 – that is what is a bee in my bonnet. Certain ‘familial expectations’ - which in these days is not proper etiquette nor today’s typical ‘customs.

We had one daughter get married in 2017, and our second daughter got ‘funded’ at that time with equal amount. Second daughter is still single. When she does marry, we can decide what cash we have for her to spend as she likes - and we do ‘equal’ for both daughters - so will see when we cross that bridge. As retirees w/o pensions, we have to have our money last. We will help her get the wedding she desires, at that point in time - and she has matured a lot over the years (she turns 30 next month) on what she wants for a wedding. Her BF of over 6 years has lived in and out of the city where she is - hard to know if they will marry.

I love advice columns as much as the next person. They can be great entertainment.

What I don’t really understand is how an advice column that may or may not be relevant or helpful to the posters here is part of the conversation for our purposes.

I just haven’t seen in this forum how much the posters here have any experience to the miss manners column.

I hope that we can be helpful and useful to the posters here planning their children’s wedding and not speculating on a hypothetical situation that I haven’t seen.

In that, maybe we can move on from the conversation from an advice column.

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