Both SIL’s mother and I were part of the hair and makeup session at D’s wedding. We are both into that sort of thing. It was fun and we were served lunch as part of it.
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The small purchase I made at Clinque counter to have the makeup professionally applied at Macy’s near our home was inexpensive and very convenient to us. It made my D and relatives happy it was taken care of (I never wear makeup unless it’s STRONGLY urged, like for weddings I’m an attendant or this time MOG). The technician was able to just hide the age spots and add a little blush, accent my faint eyebrows, and it was just right.
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For me, it wasn’t that it was too much - almost more the opposite, but not really. I like it when you look at my face, to be drawn to my eyes - but NO fake lashes. Those wig me out on other people. But it was the opposite. My eyes looked squinty and bland. My skin was shiny - I have always had very dry skin. My skin hasn’t been shiny a day in my life (unless I’m running & sweating). I made her fix that. And then the lips - what she called pink, I’d call brown. The other choices looked worse to me. I had my own lipstick with me for later, so that was fine.
I was just so uncomfortable and awkward by the time I got in the chair and so disappointed when I was done I wanted to cry - and did but elsewhere.
The hair was ok. She did what I wanted. I wanted it half up/half down with “waves.” Supposedly the back looked cool - I didn’t dare look because I didn’t want to be disappointed. The only thing is that the curly waves were tighter than I wanted. My hair looks so much shorter than I’m used to. Everyone said they would fall throughout the night and they did - for everyone else. My hair holds curls very well. But it was fine. I was able to keep my hands out of it, something I can never do every day, so that was good.
I probably would opt to get my hair done again. Now I think I can articulate a bit better what I want. But makeup? Nope
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With my friends the where, when and who of hair and makeup almost always has someone unhappy.
One daughter paid for hair and makeup for her bridesmaids. My daughter offered to pay for MOG but wasn’t willing to pay for the rest of his siblings and girlfriends of his brothers. The grooms side ended up doing their own hair and makeup. One of the sisters is a stylist. It was fun getting ready together.
My other daughter had a hair and makeup person come to my house. She didn’t have a bridal party so it was just me, the bride, my other daughter and the MOG. None of us were big makeup wearers but it fun and I looked nice with a little color. The makeup artists respected the wishes of each of us.
When my son got married his wife didn’t include me and my girls in the hair, makeup or getting ready. We found it hurtful. We ended up making our own fun morning. My friend found a salon nearby that did hair and makeup. My friend and her daughter joined us and we had a good time. This marriage didn’t make it.
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Gosh, I was glad to not be invited to the hair/makeup session. It was done early (I think the bridal party went to brunch together before the wedding). The time was better spent back at the hotel, hanging with extended family.
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I don’t wear makeup, at all! And DIL2 did offer to include me, but I knew I would feel like an alien and declined. But being MOG is definitely its own set of challenges.
Crying happened twice – I had saved one of my late father’s handkerchiefs for my son, and couldn’t find it while he was getting dressed and lost my marbles over it before it was found. The much worse crying was me AND the bride, day after. Long story; I thought I was helping with a schedule problem, she was MUCH more invested than I knew, we were both sooooo overtired. She ran away crying, I ran the opposite direction crying, our husbands trailing after us. (My other son said later, it’s fine, we all knew the two of you were gonna either fall asleep or cry)
When the photos start rolling in, it is all good. The good memories will wash away the bad ones, if we let them.
I’m not a big makeup person. Big kid and her MOH did theirs somewhere cheap… I didn’t ask. Little kid politely asked if I wanted to be a part of the show… I excused myself by saying we would be setting up the venue (Mr. B and I did!). So we finished setup, and I ditched my work clothes and spent 15 minutes getting ready for pictures. IMO, I looked fine in them.
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If we want to talk about crying… older S struggled during the rehearsal! And again during the ceremony. Much more so than DIL! Most people don’t realize S is a sensitive guy. He doesn’t show it often. But then I was surprised by younger S. He teared up going up the aisle during the ceremony! But he really lost it at the memory table at the reception. That surprised me. I assume it was over MIL. He probably barely remembers my grandmother - he was 8 when she passed. And the rest of his great grandparents he didn’t know at all, but they were great pictures of them all.
And we won’t talk about me, lol. No boo hooing though. Just teary. H teared up too and he never cries!
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I was super stressed about the hair and make up part of D’s wedding. I am very particular. At my own wedding, I ditched the hair & make up person I hired after hating the trial, which I did on the day of my wedding portraits. I cried the whole way to my portrait session. I ended up doing my own for my wedding.
I was surprisingly thrilled with the result for my D’s wedding! I will be showing the picture to whomever does the hair and make up for D2’s eventual wedding so they can recreate. I loved my false eyelashes, which (at my request) were still a very natural look. The only thing I hated was having to be in the chair at 7:30 am for a 4pm wedding!
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Oh wow, I’m so glad I’m reading this thread! It never would have occurred to me that MOG would want to be included in the hair & makeup. I assumed she would want to have special time with her son the morning of the wedding, rather than be included in with a bride’s “activity”.
We did invite the MOG to hair and makeup – she choose to do her own hair and do make-up with us. Her S was in a separate area at the venue so she could seamlessly come and go between the bridal room and her son. It worked out great.
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D1 invited her MIL to hair and makeup and she really appreciated it. She has two sons so she was happy to be included.
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We were fine not being included with bride & her family/friends on morning of wedding when bride was getting ready & doing her hair & makeup. D and I just had quiet time together and I’m not even sure what S was doing—maybe spending time with H or working out honeymoon details.
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My nephew has been in a ton of weddings and often the groom and groomsmen go golfing on the morning of the wedding. Or to the liquor store.
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Well, happily S did neither the liquor store nor golfing. Each wedding and couple is different. I had never seen S happily drunk (or even drunk at all) before. He was very happily drunk at the end of the reception.
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In both of my kids weddings, the groom wanted to hang out with his groomsmen and not his family.
The groomsmen came from all over the country and they were excited to hang out. The groom could see his family anytime.
It’s easier to invite and have them decline than not. My dil invited all the bridesmaids except my daughter to a bridesmaids luncheon. Daughter felt out of place, it would have been nice to have a time to meet the other bridesmaids. And spend more time with the person who was going to be in the family the rest of their lives.
It was not intentional for my dil but it would have been better to be inclusive
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Inclusive is always better. MOG was included in the hair/makeup session/lunch. And she loved it. The guys had their own lunch. I don’t remember what they did but it was not the liquor store! I think they played lawn games.
I loved having my hair and makeup done. I am fair skinned and I “ fade” without makeup. My hair is thick and naturally curly/wavy/straight and full of cowlicks. It can look good, but requires work. I was happy to have a pro do that for me.
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Inclusive is definitely better… but… depending on the personality of the MOG… it is nice to give them an out if they don’t want to come. My DIL said something like “Do you want to have your hair/make-up done? All of the girls and my mom will be there!” I felt a lot of (granted, self-imposed) pressure to go and not let anyone down. Had she also said “I know this isn’t your kind of thing at all, and I would completely understand if you didn’t want to, but just know we’d love for you to join us.” I think then I would have bowed out…
Just my $0.02 as a complete reclusive introvert…
Now if the MOG is the kind of person who loves to socialize, party, etc., then the second half of the statement is likely not needed!
My FDIL2 was able to go on DIL1’s bachelorette party, so she met and got to know the other bridesmaids there. And we both met them at DIL1’s shower, so I did sort of know them a little. But it’s not quite the same as the close bond they all shared with DIL and her Mom!
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I always like to think of the wedding celebrations as “we” not “me” - so either the couple being the “we” or the families being the “we”. It’s a joining of two family (members) so it seems like the right thing to do to at least offer up services like hair/make-up to both sides. Doesn’t mean one person has to pay for it all - make that clear in the ask. And leave the door open for anyone to opt out.
At his wedding my son and his groomsmen were playing cards (euchre) pre-wedding - my husband did the same decades ago at our wedding!
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Oh yes - I had to pay for mine. I also paid for FDIL2, since I know it would have been a strain on their budget. But I will do the same for DIL1 when FDIL2 gets married next year, even if they can afford it. I try to be as fair as possible.
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