My brother asked me to walk him down the aisle and give a speech at his wedding last year (both of our parents are deceased) so I was acting as the MOG ; ). He invited me to join in with his groomsmen pre-wedding and it was a BLAST. Whiskey tasting, lots of old stories (I grew up with his groomsmen), and tons of laughs. I don’t think it crossed my SIL’s mind to have me included in the hair/make up/getting ready session and I wouldn’t have traded the time with my brother and his childhood besties for anything.
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MOG here. I wasn’t invited, tho I would gladly have paid for the experience. I asked what the schedule was for the day, so didn’t know they were getting together early afternoon. Thinking I would be bored alone, I went to lunch with relatives.
Then I got a call, saying where are you? They’re about to take pictures. I grabbed a cab back to the hotel and put on my clothes. Later, I put on my typical little makeup.
I don’t think leaving me out was intentional. The MOB never wears make up, and daughter-in-law only put on some for her wedding. Actually, a few bridesmaids all had subtle makeup and looked terrific.
I have never thought of this makeup and hair thing. Although I actually probably wouldn’t want to attend, I also would probably feel slighted to be excluded. The future in laws have not been very friendly to us, and have rebuffed all attempts to do something together (attempts mostly initiated by my son). So I know I am sensitive about this!
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You are absolutely not alone in this scenario - many others have expressed the same - better to accept it and do the best you can with everything!
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You definitely know BIL is a ‘grifter’ by this example (and you probably had others) - and BIL knew it all and was setting the failed situation up on his ‘not accepting their credit card’ - he probably has such lousy credit that the rental car agency might have tried to run his card and it ‘failed’.
On rent cars at airports, there are heavy times and also it can be dependent on the car agency. Our cousin had to wait 2 hours in line for a rent car in Tampa Friday late afternoon. Long line for her particular rent agency.
When I recently traveled twice to Minneapolis, the rent car I had the first time I had no line and I noted that so I rented with them again. One particular rental agency had a long line.
We will rent a car for the first time in San Antonio in May. Hopefully not a wait - and I believe it will be good as our flight arrives just after 9 am if all on time (we have one connecting flight).
My son in law and daughter’s fiancé have each stood up in multiple weddings. I just asked at our dinner and not one of the grooms spent the morning of their wedding with their mothers. Each groom spent the time before their wedding with the groomsmen. Activities ranged from drinking at a pool to playing board games to just hanging out and talking. When I asked if any had spent time with their moms both young men expressed that this would not be something they or anyone they knew would consider.
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Haha, my S had me hem his pants for his suit the night before the wedding, so of course he had to be home to try them on before and after the hemming. I can’t recall that we did anything special other than getting his pants hemmed and just a low key time around the house. He may have slipped next door to spend time with his buddy who rents the house right next to ours. S had no groomsmen and DIL had no wedding attendants. She did have loved ones fly in to be with her, and S had friends of his fly in to attend as well.
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That actually makes me kind of sad. I feel like the morning of the wedding is the last time your child will be part of “your” family vs part of their new family. To me, it feels like the last send-off and that it should be a special time with the family of origin. I feel like there are so many times for them to party with their friends….the bachelor (ette) party (weekend!), after the rehearsal dinner, the reception and post-reception party.
We all have to see it the way that we see it, but to me a wedding is sort of like having a birthday. You’re not really different the day after your bday as you were the day before your birthday!
Your son’s family of origin is always yours - he gains a family unit of his own and likely his spouses family unit but on the day to day, he’s your son, you are his mom.
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My son’s were so nervous I would have just added to their stress. For S1’s wedding we rented an AirBnB and that’s where the men all got dressed, etc the morning of the wedding, but it was a madhouse. Before getting dressed, we did all the setup and decorating at the venue, together while the women were getting hair and makeup done, and that was fun. Ish.
S2 got married in our town, and would have stayed with us (along with DIL) but we got them a nice hotel room instead and then we saw them a lot, but they had a place to hide and chill.
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I’m not sure if your timeline, but we had a lovely family time at our Thursday dinner. Friday morning was the rehearsal - the venue had a wedding Friday evening - so we all arrived Thursday. Even though both families showed, the restaurant had us seated at 2 long tables of ~10. So our table was my family of 4 plus FDIL2, my parents and the minister/spouse (godmother of S1). It was a nice relaxed dinner just us - and then we hung out with DIL1s family before and after.
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I don’t know why I’m thinking of this…maybe because of the hotel thread….but lots of us have done a big AIRBNB for wedding festivities and had one side of the wedding party use the place for getting ready, etc.
My recommendation is if getting an AIRBNB (and assuming you are because you are out of town away from your home residence) consider not checking out the morning after the wedding - book an extra night. We did NOT do that and it was HELL getting checked out of that place after such a late night and a few days of coming and going and stuff being all over the place in the AIRBNB. Chances are you’ll still see some wedding people in some way the day after - or you can just use it to fully sleep in, clean up, reminisce, go out for a nice meal and just CHILL OUT after what was likely a few packed days.
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We had rooms at a hotel but also rented one big suite as a “hospitality suite” from Thursday to Monday. People who got in early on Friday could go to the suite, relax, use the bathroom and have some soda or water we brought in and some snacks until their rooms were ready for the check in on Friday before the rehearsal dinner. On Sunday everybody in the wedding party could put their stuff in the suite and then go to the brunch which was at the hotel but ended after check out. Worked great!
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The mountain resort my daughter got married at had a variety of lodging options. There was an Inn, hotel, condos and home rentals located on the property. The bridesmaids and groomsmen both rented homes and everyone got ready there. It was nice for them to have the extra room. Mostly everyone left the day after the wedding, but her In-laws did stay and extra day to unwind and enjoy the resort.
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Just saying it here because I have to say it somewhere -
If potential day after wedding brunch that may or may not happen and we may or may not get invited to has a theme like the other events, I may or may not be attending, but I definitely won’t be buying something new to match the theme.
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We didn’t do a brunch for my older daughter because she and son in law left early the next day to go back home ( wedding was in his parents city). I was glad. I was exhausted the next day. I was not planning on a brunch for younger daughter( who didn’t want it) but her future MIL was so disappointed that we weren’t having one that younger daughter asked if we could and I agreed. Her future MIL is from South Africa and has 50-75 relatives coming from very far away….S Africa, Australia, and Israel that she feels she needs to have the additional event. I am hoping that my best friend is still in her apartment complex near the wedding venue next year. It has a beautiful party room we can rent and bring in food. That would be the best and most relaxing way to have the brunch.
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We did a low key brunch in the hotel most guests stayed at and it worked out well. I would not have the energy (or inclination) to pick up food, decorate a room, get hot/cold beverages, bring plates/glasses/silverware etc. to a party room the morning after D’s wedding.
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We would have it fully catered by a local company. The party room is a very pretty lounge type setting. No decorating needed. It overlooks the city and has an outdoor patio too.
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Sounds great! Hope it works out (tell your friend she can’t move LOL).
My younger sister graciously allowed S and DIL to have a brunch the next day at her home, in her lovely backyard, which was near Waikiki, so people could easily drive or catch a ride share over. She also supplied the food and it was a nice, relaxing event. We had all the leftover beverages taken to her house, so she had lots of beverages to offer as well. S offered to pay but younger sister said it was part of their wedding gift to the couple!
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