That’s tough, I’d take into consideration who is coming from the east coast. My niece recently got married in Seattle, her entire family lives on the east coast between Atlanta and NYC. Our kids (in their 20’s) and us flew out Friday and got back Sunday at midnight. My husband and I easily could’ve stayed more days, but the next generation just didn’t have the PTO. Older folks absolutely stayed longer and made a little vacation out of it. Just got off the phone with our engaged son, he’s getting married on a Sunday for the savings (venue is in an expensive town at the jersey shore). We just volunteered to pay the photographer, 5 figures, plus the rehearsal dinner, dang weddings cost a lot today, and we got married in NJ 30+ years ago. Hope her wedding is beautiful!
Thursday means people who fly have to take 2-3 days off work at a minimum; I would hesitate to endorse that without asking around first if the cohort is young and/or might not have tons of vacation time to spare. Our kids picked ceremony times to minimize travel issues, so perhaps the time for yours factors in too.
In our experience, people who really want to be there find a way, regardless. You might also consider whether other services will be easier/harder for a Thursday. Ask the B&G how they will feel if some people can’t come — we sent “wedding in a box” packages to guests who weren’t able to travel for S2. But S1’s wife was just crushed that more people declined than she expected. If your D knows that’s part of the perfrct venue/imperfect day choice, I think you are fine.
We have a nephew who got married on Thursday and another getting married today, Friday. It’s challenging for folks working fulltime, but those who really want to attend are making it work and manage to take time off and attend. Yes, there is some quiet griping about having to take time off, but send out a save the date early and things will work out.
Our kids and my DIL managed to attend both weddings. S & DIL flew in for each wedding. D just stayed a month. Folks understand wedding costs and scheduling are crazy and either can attend or send regrets.
S & DIL opted for a Saturday and found their wedding venue and reception venue at least partly based on that.
I think it’s a good idea to check with the people your D really wants to be there to see if it is possible for them to make a Thursday wedding. If there is a rehearsal/welcome dinner I assume it would be Wednesday night so some people may need to travel on Tuesday or early Wednesday to be able to make it. Your D needs to decide if the venue is so important for her that she is ok with people not being able to come because they don’t have the PTO.
Yes, my nephew who is getting married today, Friday, had a dinner last night, Thursday, that many couldn’t attend because it’s a work night/school, etc. Most will try to attend Friday wedding and beach party on Saturday. Our S & DIL fly out before the beach party but we’re able to attend the last night’s dinner and will be at wedding & after party.
I went to one Thursday wedding in California wine country . It was handled this way. Wednesday was no welcome party. The bride and grooms immediate families had an initiate dinner. On Friday there was a winery tour that was “optional” with a statement that if you need to work remotely we understand…..come get a bottle of wine from the hospitality suite instead ). Friday night there was a casual pizza party. At the pizza party they had different local restaurants menus displayed . . Each couple was given a card with a ticket inside which could be exchanged for the restaurant e-gift card of their choice to enjoy over the rest of the weekend. It was an amazing time. Obviously not inexpensive. It was a situation where the couple wanted to get married at the venue and only Thursday was available.
Would it be possible to not do the traditional “rehearsal dinner” Wednesday night and wedding Thursday night and maybe ditch the typical “night before” get together (maybe except for ONLY the wedding party if they need an actual rehearsal) and then do wedding Thursday night and a casual Friday brunch to take the place of a pre-wedding get together? So still two opportunities to see people but the majority of the guests could travel late Wednesday after work or on Thursday and not have to take that extra day off. (Just Thursday and Friday) - there are many jobs with limited time off or difficult time off.
My D’s rehearsal was on a Thursday, and a couple people in the bridal party couldn’t be there. One was in her residency, and she was lucky to get the wedding day off. A couple others were flying in the morning of the wedding. It wasn’t an issue, and the minister told them that they would all figure it out. My neighbor’s S got married on a Friday, and it wasn’t in a church. They didn’t even have a rehearsal - they felt that it was unnecessary.
D’s friends enjoyed being able to hang out and do things in the city the day after the wedding, rather than having to rush off to the airport. D & SIL didn’t leave for a honeymoon right away, and they had a great time with their friends that weekend.
Thursday wedding viability depends a lot on mix of potential guests. For some remote friends/relatives, flying a long distance might mean combination with vacation (especially if they know far ahead of time)… so no biggie. For others, flying not affordable so not coming anyway… might like the Thursday excuse for a pass. For working folks in town (or driving distance) it would mean a day or two of vacation needed. That may or may not be a hardship.
If most guests were local I would say absolutely go ahead with your plan. But it sounds like you have a lot that would need to fly and take perhaps 2 to 3 days off work. In that case, honestly I’d say no.
We were invited to a Thursday wedding in Hawaii- everyone flying from the Midwest and we declined. Not everyone can work remotely.
One other thing I should mention is that my daughter isn’t planning to have a traditional rehearsal dinner or rehearsal the night before. Instead, she is thinking of having some casual “see you out” type of events after the wedding so guests can spend a little extra time together without adding another obligation before the big day.
We are also in a vacation destination in SoCal, so she is hoping some guests might see it as an opportunity to turn the wedding into a little summer getaway. Of course, our immediate family will make it work no matter what. We also have some retired friends and family who have more flexibility with their schedules. I suspect that if some of those guests couldn’t make a Thursday wedding, they might not necessarily attend a Friday or Saturday wedding either.
Her biggest consideration is finding a venue she truly loves that also fits her budget. She has looked at other places, but she keeps coming back to this beautiful ocean-view venue and says she really can’t imagine getting married anywhere else.
My concern is mainly for guests who work, particularly those who cannot work remotely and would need to take time off or travel across the country for a Thursday wedding.
I want to be supportive of what she envisions while also being mindful of the inconvenience for guests. I’m curious whether others think a summer Thursday wedding in a vacation destination is manageable, or whether the weekday timing would be a significant drawback for most working guests.
Would love to hear your honest perspectives!
For us, and for our guests, it’s about the weekday. Family and realllllly close friends (likely the wedding party) might want to extend their stay, but on average I think most B&G overestimate their guests interest in hanging out with strangers or making a trip even longer when the destination isn’t of their choosing.
Sounds like you and D want this venue, know it’s a little inconvenient but also want everyone to come to the wedding. Realistically, that won’t happen no matter where she is wed, right?
First place that popped into my head was the Thursday Club! We went to a lovely wedding there several years ago - on the weekend.
I think if you were to have a Thursday wedding then you may need to provide other events after the wedding.
D1 had a destination wedding (4+ hours drive for all guests) on Saturday. We had wine tours on Thursday for guests who wanted to show up early and a welcome party Friday night. We didn’t want our guests to not have things to do when they traveled so far. We also blocked hotel rooms for those nights. For a Thursday night wedding, do you block Wednesday to Sunday or Wednesday to Friday. Do you have after wedding events?
D2’s wedding was on a Sunday in NYC. We did a welcome party Saturday night and the Wedding on Sunday. Most people were able to get in on Saturday and leave Monday.
I think for young couples trying to keep costs down all the pre/post stuff isn’t necessary. I think having a “things to do” page on the wedding website is more than adequate.
To quote someone (male) close to me who is a very kind and giving person and got married on a Thursday - “I think this is one time in our lives we can make it about us.” BUT, they had a small wedding and most people were local.
I think the smartest thing would be to feel out some of the people she’d really like to be there who need to travel, and see what they think. Another thing to worry about is how expensive it might be to stay in a resort/vacation destination for the guests, and if that matters.
Would they consider putting the wedding off to get a weekend?
Tough decision, for sure.
We live in a SoCal beach vacation destination so another thought for me would be how expensive it is for those traveling. Airfares and hotels are much more during the summer months. I agree that she should ask those she really wants to be there if Thursday would be a problem.
Just a quick note in case Southern California means San Diego, avoid Comic-Con week July 22-25, 2027. Hotel prices, particularly anywhere close to downtown, skyrocket.
I am terrible about often feeling obligated. If a friend asked me would I likely travel for a Thursday wedding and take off 3 days of work for it, I can see myself not really wanting to do it but feeling OBLIGATED to do it.
What size wedding is this looking to be? If it’s 100 and 65 show up will the couple be satisfied? Will the event spot make sense? Or is it a large wedding where 250 are invited so if “only” 200 show up that is still plenty???
Probably about 120 invites. She expects 75 to 90 attendees hopefully.