But that would be the same or more for Saturday wedding.
Probably not. Saturday wedding here will be almost twice as expensive.
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If she has her bridal/groom attendees all on ‘buy in’ and close family able to attend the Thursday wedding - IMHO give a lot of advance notice before normal ‘save the date’ timeframe. Have the wedding she (and the groom to be) want.
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Gosh, unless immediate family… it is unlikely I’d consider the time and money investments of getting to Hawaii without combining it into that year’s vacation planning. So for me, even before retirement a wedding’s day of the week would not have been a factor. Either I’d be a Yes (as part of a full week of travel) or a Decline with Regrets.
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I think maybe this is the answer right here. Flying across country and staying in a resort town is going to be very expensive. So the only people doing this are going to either be very close to the couple and will try very hard to make it work, or people who will make a vacation out of it.
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My daughter got married in San Diego where she and her husband live. Nearly all of the 85 guests were from OOT (my side from the East Coast, my SIL’s side from WA State, and their friends from all over the country). They got married on a Sunday of Columbus Day weekend.
Two of my kids were still in college in the Midwest, but thankfully it worked out that both had fall break. Most guests flew in Friday evening - and unfortunately due to fog, several guests, including my younger D, were diverted to Los Angeles! My sister’s flight was one of the last to land before they shut down the airport. Fortunately, dh’s brother who lives 15 mins from LAX, picked my D up at 1:30am and she drove down with him Saturday morning, but she missed the rehearsal which was Saturday morning. Let’s just say it was incredibly stressful as D was texting me late night on Friday from her flight freaking out as it kept circling before eventually diverting. I had to wake dh up to call his brother and ask him to go get her! We were so lucky he lived nearby as I’m not sure what we would have done. A bridesmaid’s fiance who was diverted also had to take a train from LA on Saturday.
For us personally, I would have discouraged my daughter if she was pushing for a Thursday wedding. Since most guests were flying in, including all her bridesmaids, it would have meant them taking 3-4 days off work. Several were in grad school and had class. IMO that’s a lot to ask of people, but I suppose you have to know your invitee list. We purposely only invited close family and friends knowing it was going to be an expensive trip. A Thursday wedding definitely would have been difficult since most of the invitees were all still working. Our neighbors only took off Monday - being from the East Coast, they took an early evening flight on Friday after work and still got in at a decent hour on Friday due to the time difference.
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Like others have said, if the venue is the priority and she okay with the list of people who can and cannot attend, then go for it!
It’s already a significant ask for people to pay for flights and hotels and now also give up valued PTO (although some may be able to work remotely). I know my 30-ish daughter and her circle always cringe when they have to give up PTO to attend a fly-in wedding on an off day (she’s had a few Sunday weddings across the country). Also, some people’s jobs may be too demanding to take that time off.
My D was in a wedding this past summer in CA (which I also attended). Although the actual wedding was on Saturday, the events spanned from Thursday-Sunday (brunch). Because we live on the east coast, that meant leaving Wednesday. It was a wonderful long weekend in a breathtaking location, but it was very pricey. We probably could have spent a week in Europe 
Again, it’s up to your daughter. I would speak to the guests on your side and see who thinks they can make it on a Thursday, have your daughter and future SIL do the same on their end and see the potential final guest list looks like.
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If a lot of people will have to travel to come you may also think it they will travel regardless of what day it is. Who is and what affordability does your audience have?
Also will it still be a dream wedding location of her “dream friends and family” aren’t there?
These are questions to think about. Maybe it all works out!
My daughter will have three weddings to attend in ‘27, including one that she’s the MoH so is planning the out of town bachelorette party and a couples shower. Two of three weddings will require air travel. The other, a long drive. She will need to take at least a few days off for each because of the travel. There is a fourth wedding across the country that she already had to send her regrets. She also has a European vacation booked. The only reason she’s able to go to the three weddings at all is that she got an extra week of vacation time this year. If this had been last year, she would have needed to likely send another regret. There is a fifth engagement that just happened but she’s hoping that wedding will be in ‘28 otherwise she will have to send her regrets to that as well.
She feels badly about missing friends’ weddings but there is not unlimited pto and I hope people would understand that.
She herself continues to say she wants to elope on the top of a mountain and then have a casual party at a brew pub afterwards. I’m hoping we can upgrade to a nicer venue but we will see when/if the time comes. There is a promising boyfriend in her life but we are a long way off from any permanent arrangement.
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My daughter tried to renegotiate her PTO recently.
Although she understands the importance of being present at her job, she like lots of people her age also value their time off. Their friends live all over the country. Her family lives all over.
It’s different than when I got married, I don’t think anyone was more than 2 hours away.
Also the sheer number of weddings and other important events they are invited to. They’d also like to vacation and visit family.
Well, I assume they want to visit family since that’s me. But between all the weddings and life events, there’s precious little time to travel to the Midwest to see her family. 
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DD2 has spent both PTO and travel wedding attendance travel money, money for bridesmaid trip, money for bridesmaid dress/accessories - such that she needed to be careful on budget and even necessities like new tires. It has had her think very carefully on what she wants with her BF when the time comes.
We happened to have three weddings on three consecutive weekends (first two were Saturday weddings, and the third was a Sunday wedding) - WI, OH, and Boston a few years ago. Since we were newly retired, it made sense to treat it as a driving vacation. Wedding one, we stayed after the wedding weekend inn DH’s hometown (house we co-own) for wind-down and travel to our next stop. DDs flew in for the wedding one (DD2 was a bridesmaid for her cousin’s wedding - my niece). I planned sites DH wanted to see in OH, and we stayed some days in Gettysburg after wedding two. We stayed a night just outside of Boston for better hotel rate before wedding three and also ate a lobster roll for lunch in the burbs. Fortunately, I had enough points on Hilton for the 2 nights’ stay in downtown Boston (which also saved quite a bit on the taxes that would have accompanied the hotel). We had a wedding rate for hotel room, but it still was $$. I wore different dresses for each wedding; the MOB (my close friend) for the 2nd wedding actually had my exact dress (that I wore for wedding #3) - the second wedding was the least fancy/costly. The Boston wedding was most excellent and the only one with a church wedding nuptial. MOG is my close friend and due to large extended family of groom’s side, only one other of her close friends was invited - and we knew the bride/family as well for years. Wedding one was at country club with three-season semipermanent tent (concrete floor) - had over-the-top on floral arrangements all over and of note excellent prime rib dinner; wedding two was lush backyard wedding and also country club tent (but w/o the views that wedding one had). Weather threatened some on both outdoor ceremonies but held out - the option would have been to be under the reception/dinner/event tent - wedding one had extended concrete area from the tent which was where the vow exchange took place. All weddings were well planned out. The first two couples each have two children (couple two had twin boys); couple three has been struggling with infertility. On the drive home from Boston, we spent an overnight using DH’s hotel points.
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My daughter had suggested “self solemnization” wedding (legal in Colorado, once paperwork is filed) on a mountain top. We talked her into something that was small (25 people) and casual-ish. Family and friends wanted to be part of a happy moment
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I’ve negotiated at least parents being there but I don’t think she’ll agree to anyone else but maybe her future to be determined groom will have his own ideas!
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That’s a fair point, and I definitely understand the concern. Our side of the family and our immediate guests (about 30 people) are all local. It’s the groom’s family who would be traveling from the East Coast, and almost all of them are retired, so taking PTO isn’t really an issue for them. The bigger question is their friends who are still working and can’t work remotely.
Income-wise, I think most of them could probably manage the trip if they viewed it as a mini vacation, especially since it’s a summer wedding in a vacation destination. Of course, taking time off work is still a consideration.
My thinking is that if the retired family members and friends aren’t able or willing to make the trip for a Thursday wedding, they probably wouldn’t necessarily travel for a Saturday wedding either. So I’m trying to gauge how much the Thursday date would affect attendance among those who are still working.
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I also always like to point out that just because someone can work remotely doesn’t mean they desire or can work/hold meetings in an airport, on a plane or that they desire to work in a hotel between wedding events. Working remotely does not = freedom of time!
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A Thursday wedding is inconvenient for many guests but I also get that finding a venue isn’t easy. I would attend but I think for my kids it would be a push depending on how far to travel. My son recently went to the bachelor party of a college friend but won’t be attending the wedding in another state as the logistics would not work for his wife and young child.
When my oldest decided to get married they looked at a lot of venues within driving distance on their home. Most of the places they liked were booking 18 months out. They didn’t want to wait that long as they were anxious to start a family. They married on a Sunday at a location that wasn’t one of the first choices but was available and nice. My daughter was disappointed that many of the guests didn’t stay late dancing as they had work the next morning. Also those two hours away stayed the night before and drove home after the wedding. Hotel prices were also really expensive even though it was fall. This was in a Ca small city.
Hotel prices in Ca in summer near the beach might be cost prohibitive for some of the guests no matter what day of the week the wedding is on.
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Just because a place is a vacation destination doesn’t mean everyone is excited about going there. I have been to several “popular destinations” I hope never to return to.
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I said no to a number of wedding invitations when I was younger. I had to work a lot of Saturdays, and being the new employee, I couldn’t get out of it. Honestly, I got over it, as did the couples getting married. We can’t all be everywhere, and that’s just life. Sometimes we overthink things.
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There is a wedding going on down the street from me. The way the sound carries I can hear the reception. Live band but as my husband said the parents must have picked the music since it’s “old” people music. I’m curious if the music will change as the evening goes on. They did put letters in the neighbors mailboxes letting us know they were having a wedding.
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My good friend’s son recently got engaged. He and his fiancé are approaching their mid-30’s and also are eager to start a family. They’ve elected to do a courthouse wedding sometime in the next few months and will have a big reception for family & friends next summer.
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