<p>I would have a bottle of champagne, and say, well, cats out of the bag, we are so happy for you</p>
<p>For heavens sake, don’t take it personally…Maybe they decided take the plunge for insurance reasons, or they got drunk, or it was the sun is out, lets go for it</p>
<p>I wouldn’t be offended at all…life is complicated and I would just be happy for them</p>
<p>Upfront? What does that mean? Yu dont eed to know everyhing. Maybe they didn’t want any fuss after all these years and did a very low key thing because they didn’t want presents or a big deal</p>
<p>Give them a break, be happy and celebrate!!!</p>
<p>Maybe marriage is not a big deal to them. Since they’ve been together for so long, why did they even get married. Was it to make a point? Children involved? They obviously have different views re: marriage/wedding than you do, and I would infer that it was less of a big deal to them that you consider it. </p>
<p>I’d just congratulate them and let it go. Give them the benefit of the doubt.</p>
<p>We had friends who had been married for a long time and had 2 children. They divorced. At some point then they got back together, but no one knew whether they had actually remarried. He was a bit older than her. When he retired, he moved to Montana and she stayed in the Midwest. We kind of lost touch after that.</p>
<p>Sounds like a vegas wedding that needed to be kept secret.</p>
<p>Seriously, after you stop feeling hurt about not being told, it kind of tells you about the whole ambivalence of being married if they don’t even want to make their own announcement. You can either congratulate them on FB or just wait until you see them. For all you know, if this is a couple that keeps breaking up, may be it is happening again?</p>
<p>It was a bit of a shock to me, after 20 years of seeing all the ups and downs. The important thing is they are happily married now and that’s what matters.</p>
<p>Of course, surprising and raises questions. We all feel these things, at times. But I think what some are saying, including me, is that, in some matters, it’s not about what we think, how we feel, what we expect, whether our noses might get out of joint. It’s really about the other person. </p>
<p>Low key marriage? Low key response, it’s not like they’re 25, innocent about life and the world. But do share your congrats. It’s the nice thing to do.</p>
<p>I would definitely take the high road and just offer congrats next time you see/talk to the couple. At this point I try to assume the best and act accordingly. It could be as simple as they did send and email or announcement that was lost … and they are now wondering why they haven’t heard from you.</p>
<p>There may be all sorts of reasons why someone doesn’t make a big deal of announcing their marriage. My daughter got married a couple of weeks ago and it was a very small intimate event (on the beach - it was lovely). Her dad has been very sick with cancer and has been undergoing treatment for several months. Didn’t even know if he would live to see her married and everything was up in the air as far as planning and making arrangements. She wasn’t keeping it a secret from anyone, but with everything else she had to worry about, the last thing on her mind was worrying about people’s feelings being hurt because she didn’t tell them face to face. The picture of her and her Dad on the beach with her in her wedding dress and Dad resting his head on her shoulder is the most precious picture I have ever seen.</p>
<p>So my opinion, it’s about them not you - be happy for them and wish them heartfelt congratulations.</p>
<p>I’ve been thinking of you since you first posted about your husband’s illness, and am glad you were all together to celebrate your daughter’s wedding.</p>
<p>Maybe this marriage is like some couple’s baby announcement…some like to wait until the first trimester has passed to make sure that the pregnancy gets over the first problematic period.</p>
<p>As swimcatsmom’s post illustrates, life is too short to take offense when it’s very unlikely that any offense was intended. It’s very possible that there are other things going on in the couple’s lives that would make a joyous announcement or celebration inappropriate
In your place I would definitely make a phone call and find out if the news is true, and offer my congratulations. They obviously have reasons to keep things low key at the moment, and I’d respect that.</p>
<p>I can’t imagine making that leap without at least speaking with these friends. There could be a hundred legitimate reasons why they didn’t make a formal announcement.</p>
<p>Personally, I have gotten to the point where I just can’t be bothered to be offended easily. Life is too short, and being “offended” just requires too much negative energy. I guess in a way I am just lazy.</p>
<p>I just heard a story similar to this the other day , only it was a niece / cousin who got married without telling anyone. The family was initially offended since they are close , but the story was more complex and and it turned out , the boyfriend ( they were not even engaged ) asked her if she would marry him and she replied, " I would marry you tomorrow " :…well, I think he knew that she would say that since he had the dress, the rings and appointment to tie the knot.
People do things their own way and that is ok too</p>
<p>I’d add a note of congratulations to the FB posting. That leaves you open to responding in some additional way if the spirit moves you. (If anyone should be in hot water here, it is the FB blabber. That is, unless one of the two asked her to let it be known.)</p>
<p>One of the few here who would take offence; I would still be friendly but would understand that I was considered a lesser friend than I thought…and would adjust my future dealings accordingly.</p>
<p>I think I would probably either call, email or send a private FB message that says something to the effect that “I couldn’t help but notice Mutual Friend’s FB post - are there congratulations in order?!” That puts the ball in their court, and conveys just a little bit of the sense of confusion anyone would have after reading cryptic comments on FB about secret weddings. </p>
<p>Based on what you hear, you might discover there was a lot more to the story, and/or that as mentioned, this was a very low key affair. You might discover that they are now telling people in person, but know nothing about the friend’s out-of-line post. Or that they gave the friend permission to post the news , thinking it would be an ideal way to share. :rolleyes: </p>
<p>On the other hand, if you find out this so called secret wedding hosted most of your other mutual friends, you might decide to reevaluate the close nature of the friendship. Any chance at all that this is some kind of a FB joke? Has this person responded on Mutual Friend’s wall?</p>
<p>I just checked FB, radio silence from everyone. The woman who got married is on FB quite a bit, so she must have seen the picture and the post. The person who posted is the groom’s best friend, most likely was the witness at the ceremony. </p>
<p>As someone said, life is too short to be offended. On the other hand, FB and other social medias are probably giving out more information than necessary.</p>