A parent's anticipation of so many things....

Parent Cafe
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<p>Hello all. No, my child is not a senior yet or applying to college yet (she’s just a HS sophomore), but I have found such a wealth of information here, I find myself here quite a lot.</p>

<p>I find myself in the very unique (for me) position of complete and utter…anxiety? excitement? …well, I don’t know what word to use.</p>

<p>We are just average ordinary people, with just average ordinary jobs and lives, but somehow we have a child that has the intelligence that will take her SO far in this world. Not only that, she is as sweet as sweet can be and is the sunshine of our lives.</p>

<p>She goes to a good HS, but she would benefit so much to be going somewhere where she can achieve more. So, she has applied to our state’s highly prestigious and competitive (but public) HS for Science and Math. A residential school that, if accepted, she will go to for her HS junior and senior year. (but 2 and a half hours away). Also, though she could not go to both, she has been nominated for governor’s school (6 week program for academically gifted rising juniors and seniors) and has also applied for a summer program for science and math. If she gets chosen for both summer programs, she’ll have to choose which one she wants to go to most.</p>

<p>But anyway, here I sit as a parent, waiting, waiting, wondering, wondering if she will get into these things. These programs and schools could mean the difference between night and day to where she will wind up in this world. It’s all weeks and weeks away before we know if she gets into any of them. And I wait.</p>

<p>I want all that is good in this world for her. I want her to go to a great school, I want her to go on trips to France, Italy, Rome, etc. that the school of science and math offer for “field trips.” I want her to have the world at her fingertips. I don’t think I’ve ever had such unselfish love or desire for anyone’s happiness as much before. I don’t think you really know that feeling truly until you are a parent. I want her to be the scientist, or engineer, or astronaut, or whatever her desire takes her…as she can be anything.</p>

<p>So here I sit. Waiting. Have any of you parent’s experienced anything like this? Gosh, April is a LONG way away…</p>

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<p>Hi Salem! Fellow neighbor!!</p>

<p>DS, now a senior, was also invited to apply to the exact same high school your daughter has applied to in the 10th grade. He after speaking with his current high school principal, teachers, coaches and members of the other community opted to not attend. </p>

<p>Give you a little bit of his background, by the end of 10th grade he had enough units to graduate from a high school in this state, had all the required units and subject requirements. That’s why that particular math/science school was recommended as well as the district’s very well-known math/science magnet. He had completed some college classes as well and knew what was available to him. He wanted to make a difference in his community, in his school, in his neighborhood.</p>

<p>He was able to bring an awareness for exceptional students to a small town that wasn’t expecting it and yet after 2 years, they are now. They went from having 2 AP classes to 12. They hired additional teachers, expanded the tuturing center, increased funds for aides, for textbooks and to highlight that “jocks” can be smart too. He stayed not just because the boarding school does not have a football team but because he could touch the lives of those on his teams. As a 3 season varsity athlete and as a captain of those teams he had high expectations for himself and for his team. Fellow team members who didn’t think they could go to college know they can, those who thought only the community college would accept them are attending 4 year universities, and some others have applied out-of-state to schools their parents never heard of. </p>

<p>He knew he would do well and that the math/science boarding or magnet would be a great fit for him, but it wasn’t just about him. He had teammates, class mates, faculty and administration who were depending on him to be a leader, to be instrumental in change where it was badly needed and wanted. He has lived up to their expectations and in turn, thay have done much to accomodate his academic needs.</p>

<p>He was an AP National Scholar last year, and has 7 more APs this year. The school’s passing rate has jumped and many more are taking the classes, also a jump in honor classes. </p>

<p>Son also participated in summer programs, maybe the same ones you are speaking of, and yes he turned down governor’s school to do research at Duke. </p>

<p>This is not to say that attending one of these alternate schools is not in your daugter’s very best interest, nor in any way to minimize it. Just that if she doesn’t get in, there are other paths to realizing her goals and dreams. Take a peek at the master list of acceptances and see if not attending that particular math/science magnet had any affect on my son’s college choices. The only affect it did have was to help HIM focus on what was his next step. What college/university would assist him best in what he needs to do. </p>

<p>As that he is the fourth in the family to apply to colleges, yes I do know how long that wait til April can be. Fortunately for him he isn’t bothered by the wait, he has too much to do and he says he will make it work no matter where he ends up.</p>

<p>Just wanted you to know that it will all work out in the end.</p>

<p>Kat</p>

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<p>Hi Salem,
Another thought from a Senior mom or an exceptional student in Calif. One secret that is not talked about much, especially by parents of kids in “feeder” schools to the top colleges- It is MUCH easier for an outstanding student coming from a public high school to be accepted to the “elite” colleges , than it is if she is surrounded by and competing with other outstanding students at the same magnet school. It is much easier for her to stand out at a regular public school, and colleges DO pick and choose to get the kind of diversity they want- one element of diversity can be fulfilled by selecting outstanding kids from regular schools.</p>

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<p>As a parent, I can identify in wanting what is best for your child and hoping that she gets what she is really hoping for. The only thing that I don’t agree with is your comment that this programs/schools could make a difference between night and day as to where she will wind up in this world. While certain opportunities can open doors, I think there are MANY paths to winding up where she may hope to be in this world some day. She doesn’t HAVE to go to the Science/Math HS in order to SUCCEED or as a stepping stone to her next goal (college?). I can see wanting her to go because she wants to go and the environment might be a great match for her needs/desires/interests. But she doesn’t have to go in terms of reaching her goals. She can get into just as fine a college no matter which HS she attends. The person gets in, not the HS from where she came. As long as she pursues her goals, makes the most of every opportunity, seeks opportunity, accomplishes within her academic and outside pursuits, the world is her oyster. She can go onto a fine college and pursue her goals and dreams. No one particular HS or one particular college is a ticket to success or where she winds up in this world. While I read some posts on CC where some think that a very selective college is a ticket to some higher paying career, etc., I don’t agree. I think you can get a fine education in many places and pursue goals and careers and be a success. The difference between High Schools or colleges is more about which feel like the right environment for someone’s needs or fit and so the choice of college or high school is important in that regard but the school itself is not a ticket to success. Finding the right learning environment is important but many learning environments can be a path to success. It really is the person who gets there. My kids had no other options for high school than our local public school, unless they were to go off to boarding school out of state which we were not into doing, let alone could not afford. But they made the most of the opportunities here and sought out some, made some of their own and I do believe they got to go onto fine colleges that they really wanted to attend and the rest is really up to them. Even their colleges won’t be a ticket to success. They are the ones who will have to “make it”. I believe they also could have “made it” coming from less well known colleges. The environments they are in now fit them really well so I do care about that but I don’t see which school they attend so much as the ticket to making it in this world. I believe in them and I feel whether they make it will be the same no matter where they had gone to school. The only difference is their satisfaction in the learning environments they chose. </p>

<p>So, for THAT reason, I hope your D gets to go to the schools or programs that satiate her desires but otherwise, I have confidence that your D can pursue her goals and dreams, even if she were to stay at her current school. She may have to initiate more things or seek some things that are not as readily available but she can make it nonetheless.</p>

<p>Susan</p>

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<p>salem- encourage her to do Summer Ventures! I did it at WCU the summer before my senior year, and I had sooooo much fun. Governor’s school is ok, but I don’t think you could have gone white water rafting, kayaking, caving, etc. like we did! Nor could you do research along the beautiful Blue Ridge Parkway like we did or along the coast like ECU and UNCW students did. I also doubt Governor’s school offers archaeology, marine biology, or medicine like SVSM does. The research project every SVSM participant completes is VERY helpful in college admissions, I found (sort of like a thesis). :)</p>

<p>If she’s accepted into the NCSSM, she won’t be able to do Governor’s School or SVSM next summer, so she needs to make a good choice this summer. I didn’t do NCSSM (I preferred the IB program at my school), but I know plenty of people who did, and they loved it.</p>

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<p>I agree with the above posts.
So many paths- and nothing is going to be make it or break it time .
personally, while there are times when I think a residential school would be just * dandy*, most of the time I think the time that she will be out of the house will come soon enough.</p>

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<p>I understand the feeling. You received the worry license when she was born, so you’re allowed to use it.</p>

<p>I can tell you that she could do fine with much less, provided you as parents are ready and willing to make her dreams happen. We homeschooled my older one. No science and math magnets, gifted programs, etc. She qualified for lots of those special programs (she was a Jack Kent Cooke Scholar, maxed out her SATs in 8th grade, etc.), but we always found better resources in our community, and wonderful mentors, than in any of those specialized resources. Sometimes, we even got them to spend the scholarship dough on things WE wanted, rather than their own. She “graduated” at the end of 10th grade, got scholarships (we are not at all wealthy) to a slew of first class colleges and unis, ended up at one with a paid research assistant, a paid summer trip to India, Cambodia, and Thailand, a paid internship in Italy, and likely a year in Florence.</p>

<p>All of this is by way of saying “the gates to the should-be’s are everywhere” (or, if you don’t like that one - “Every window is a door.”)</p>

<p>My only significant word of advice, other than handholding, is to remember that YOU (and not the school or program, etc.) are you d.'s most important resource - don’t imagine that anything happening in any of those programs (or at Princeton or wherever) today is more important than what is happening in your own backyard.</p>

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<p>Mine did Summer Ventures, too (as well as lots of CTY Summers and DE) and stayed at the local HS for his music even though he’s a math and science guy doing lots of pre-med courses at college now. In his case, as with all of these kids, I truly believe that what happens will be–as has always been for him–what is in their best interests. Relax and do your best for her. It WILL all work out beautifully in the end.</p>

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<p>Isn’t that a wonderful “problem” to have? Good for you and great for your D.</p>

<p>Our oldest S went to a residential math and science magnet school that sounds similar the one you describe. It was an interesting time, but, after a lot of thought, I think it was the right thing for him. </p>

<p>It wouldn’t be for every student. It takes a lot of maturity to go to what was basically college two years early. A lot of students would do better in the more sheltered environment of a traditional high school with APs or going further out on a limb and doing early admission, and going straight to college without the saftey net my S had.</p>

<p>The good news is, as the previous posts have pointed out, a talented student with the right attitude is going to do well where ever she is. Help your daughter get the information she needs to make a good decision, and I’d be surprised if a girls as bright as you describe doesn’t make good choices for herself.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

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<p>Your daughter sounds like the type of child who will do well no matter where she goes.</p>

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<p>I have learned that you can’t stress over decisions that you have no control over. In certain situations, I was certain my daughter would be chosen, but she wasn’t. In others, I didn’t think she had a chance, but she won. There are so many variables involved, it’s best to busy yourself with other matters. I’m finding that this website is a poor place to forget your worries. It just seems to feed them. The best thing to do is be a good role model for your daughter and keep it all in perspective.</p>

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<p>Tremendous wisdom and some shared experience there! Do something fun together.</p>

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<p>RiskCareDream,
you are sooooo correct that this web site feeds our thoughts…both good AND bad…but, we come here on our own free will and there is a lot of great information…some of it is information to help folks out of bad situations and ways to prevent bad too…
Salem,
you are in that unique period of time where everything you have always known and loved about your child is now “measureable” by others to reap recognition and rewards etc etc… and for the first time the excitement about all the possibilities are there and you can’t keep the excitement pent up inside… it is a wonderful and painful process… and you have much to be proud of…so, smile and enjoy. </p>

<p>frankly the closest thing I have ever experienced to this angst of waiting was when a very close friend was in a divorce/custody battle with her ex hubby and a guardian of the court had interviewed them etc and the final decision was to come down the next day over who would get custody. Two of us spent the night with our dear friend…and it was a really long, tough nite for her…she was petrified that the judge would not decide in her favor…won’t go into all the details…(the case merited custody to the mom)…but, I know that I just finally told her that truth does will out…that the judge would know the truth of their situation…and she had to let go and let God…I think you are in that similiar period of time where you have to wait for others to decide your daughter’s fate…so, in the meantime, bask in who she has blossomed into and enjoy these next few years, they go sooo fast.</p>

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<p>“Salem,
you are in that unique period of time where everything you have always known and loved about your child is now “measureable” by others to reap recognition and rewards etc etc… and for the first time the excitement about all the possibilities are there and you can’t keep the excitement pent up inside… it is a wonderful and painful process… and you have much to be proud of…so, smile and enjoy.”</p>

<p>You hit the nail on the head! That is exactly the way I feel! I am just so excited and I don’t know how to vent that excitement.</p>

<p>To all of you…thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I do know that she will do well no matter where she goes. Actually, you have given me some of the same advice I have given my daughter…she will do well, no matter what. And we love her and are proud of her, no matter what!!!</p>

<p>See, ya’ll just gave me the same advice I gave her. Just needed it right back at me I guess. :)</p>

<p>Thank you!</p>