I don’t care how neat anyone else’s house is so I assume no one else cares about mine.
I don’t really care about neatness, but I have a lot of allergies so I really appreciate it when friends vacuum pet hair before I come over. Otherwise, I have to excuse myself to use my inhaler and I feel bad about that since it may make them feel bad.
Great point, fallgirl! I have certain ways I like to do things for myself - but I don’t really care how other people do them.
“. Otherwise, I have to excuse myself to use my inhaler and I feel bad about that since it may make them feel bad.”
I do not use an inhaler but have had awful reactions to pet hair and plug-in fragrances, so much so that I have turned red and choked nearly endlessly.
In these instances, when I have excused myself to go for air, I have found that the homeowner - who loves the pets and/or the fragrance - is flummoxed that my body would react thusly. Not once have I noticed anyone seem to feel bad because I was suffocating.
Needless to say, there are some people I have never visited twice.
To those of us who live with cluttered areas, I believe we become almost blind to how it looks. Take a picture on your phone and within one second of viewing it be prepared to dig in and declutter. Sharing the photo with your “slob” housemates is also an eye opener. (this works best when you email them a large sized photo)
I think there are some people for whom it is impossible to let things go to the trash. My folks were like this–especially my Dad. He was sure he might find a use for that thing that needs to go in the trash so why not keep it and save yourself some money (you know the money you would spend on that thing for which the trash object will do). Being cheap was a way of life for my parents. They could never throw anything away. I didnt inherit that gene.
I have two newspapers delivered every day, the NYT and the local city paper. I read both all the way through most days. But if I don’t have time to read them all the way through because I have an appointment or I got up late or some other reason I am ruthless. Out they go. I wish I could read them, I’m sure there’s something in there that I need to know or that I’d really like. But out they go, every day. Or I’d be drowning in newspaper. It’s hard, but it’s the cost of getting two newspapers.
Why not read the papers online? In addition to the environmental and clutter-free advantages, reading online has the added advantages of (1) more up-to-date news, and (2) no smudgy fingers. I’ve happily given up paper newspapers and have never looked back.
I’m a naturally messy person, but my mood is greatly affected by clutter and mess. I feel so much calmer and happier in a carefully curated, beautiful, clutter-free environment, so I’ve worked hard to overcome my natural tendencies and keep a very neat, clutter-free home.
It pains me to say that my car, office and garage are a mess, however. 
I tend to have an all-or-nothing personality.
Why not read the papers online? It’s not remotely the same. I am sure that if Iive long enough I will be reduced to reading the papers online, if they still exist. But until it becomes inevitable to do otherwise I will read the papers in paper form. I will count myself among the few and the stubborn who cling to an art form once elegant but now gasping its last, and I will enjoy reading paper papers until the last paper is delivered.
@Welspring, you and my husband will be the last of the paper newspaper warriors.
@Wellspring, I, too, an almost single-handedly keeping print newspapers alive. I will occasionally read online, but its not the same experience. Besides, I need my daily dose of crossword puzzles.
The NY Times crossword app is such a better way to do the crossword puzzle!
Nothing makes me feel safer and less anxious than a totally clean, clutter free house. I wish my husband could understand this.
DH grouses about the clutter but doesn’t do any chores. VERY sore subject at our house, because while I’m now working three jobs (fabric art, working at my synagogue, and web/communications consulting for my former boss – and DH considers two of these “hobbies”), all the housework falls on me – and he doesn’t want to pay for someone to do it. His rationale is that S2, who is living at home (and working FT, thank G-d!), should do it. Never mind that S2 does the heavy lifting/schlepping chores and yardwork. Personally, I don’t want S2 to feel he has to live at home to protect me so that I don’t have another heart attack doing stuff I shouldn’t be doing. I would rather expend my energy doing things besides housework. We both grew up in squalid houses/apartments. I swore we’d never get that way.
I just want clean bathrooms and floors, and periodically, a cleaned stove/fridge and wiped down/dusted baseboards and cabinets. Having someone come in twice a month would be fine.
Our finances are all joint, so if I were to say I’m spending $X out of my income to pay for this, it would get ugly. He already feels put upon that he’s the breadwinner (and in fairness, my income is piddling), and that I don’t adequately support him. When is the last time he hade to think about vet appointments, car repairs, Costco runs,
billpaying, laundry, cleaners, prescription refills, inspecting clothing for holes (seriously!!), etc., etc., etc.
And so the house gets grungier. This whole issue fires me up. I fantasize about having my own place with the only mess the one I make. I’d have an 8’x5’ fabric cutting/work table, another sewing area, lots of windows and walls , and easy access to my fabric and tools.
CountingDown: I have been following your story for some time, and am so sorry you find yourself in this situation. For the sake of your family, I think you have to get cleaning help. Your family needs you around as long as possible. You have to take care of yourself. hugs
Can your doctor talk to your husband?
He’d have to show up at an appointment! My oncologist, cardiologist, primary and counselor have all said I should get someone (and I’ve told him that). I need to find a backbone and defy him, but I hate, hate, hate confrontation. This shouldn’t be a battle.
When some of my pregnant friends required bed rest, and their spouses or employers couldn’t understand how serious the situation was, their doctors wrote letters that they were REQUIRED to be on bed rest.
Could that work? I agree, you should not have to battle. So very sorry.
My husband grew up in a museum clean house and in 20 years of marriage he keeps grousing that I don’t keep ours that clean. I do admit to having some packrat tendencies, but I get all the dishes quickly washed and put away, food put away, etc. But our kitchen counter and kitchen table still end up with various clutter on them: mail, wallets, keys, papers, laptops or ipads, phones, etc. Especially since our older D is home for the summer from college and adds to the kitchen clutter. Also it’s harder for me to throw things out, but he’s ruthless about it so we manage to keep that in balance. Both my husband and daughters keep leaving shoes around, which makes me crazy.
My husband and I have different organizational paradigms-he’s a stacker and a collector, I’m a thrower awayer.
What’s funny is that I think his way of organizing looks messy and cluttered, and he thinks I’m not actually that clean, that there is just a lack of stuff vs. clean.
So, you have one lonely glass stuck to the nightstand on my side of the bed, and a bazillion books and magazines stacked in some nefarious order on his side. It cracks me up 
The kids are slobs. I make them tidy up once every other week so the cleaning people can clean and so it doesn’t become a SuperFund site in their bedrooms.
Hiring cleaning people to come and clean every other week was one of the best $100/cleaning I’ve ever spent. It makes everyone so happy, and the house stays in much better condition. I loathe entropy.