Well informed parents and students would realize that a fraternity system that is set up to be highly competitive (strong sense of hierarchy, competitive rush, blackball veto system, not enough space for all, high importance to social life at the school) and with low information (earlier start, particularly pre frosh) may not be a good fit for a student who may have self esteem issues.
Such knowledge could affect decisions to rush, or even which school to attend if fraternities are that important, and set appropriate expectations if one does rush.
If itâs a system in which girls are routinely âpreppedâ (like over the summer), where you can expect a big chunk of girls will be vying to get into their motherâs house, stay far away. A Greek system should be set up such that anyone on the campus can show up and rush - not just those who have mothers who already know about the system. It should require no more prep than just signing up and paying whatever nominal fee. Recs should be optional, not mandatory.
There just shouldnât be a division between Greeks and non Greeks on the campus.
âAbout twenty minutes later the girls that were let in texted the guys and said they were leaving the party because it was all girls and very few guys. Seems these idiot frat guys neglected to think about what the girls would like from a party.â
Uh, they wanted a lot of girls and few guy âcompetitorsâ for obvious reasons.
I like the elements @Consolation mentioned in #155, especially delayed rush (whether it be sophomore year or second semester freshman year). My daughter had already met girls in class and clubs and friends-of-friends from virtually every sorority on campus by the time she pledged. I also think delayed rush encourages students who do join GLOs to put the experience in perspectiveâitâs one club, probably one of several, and not the focus of your identity for the four years youâre in college. And that encourages integration of greek organizations into the rest of the college community rather than forming a segregated society of their own.
Also the importance placed on no-hazing rules, which are taken very seriously at my daughterâs school, for example.
@cobrat I have no problem with a school making the determination to allow or dissolve fraternities and sororities . I do have a problem when a group of parents take it upon themselves to make that their mission. Thatâs just my opinion. Again , everyone has one.
@choirsandstages Because I only heard one side of the story relayed by the poster that you reference and the story changed radically with every post, Iâll reserve judgement about the fraternity in question.
Wow! Just went on CC to look at colleges for my NEXT kid and saw all these responses - thought Iâd give you an update. My son is doing great. He found a bunch of new friends to hang out with this past semester -and once pledging was done - reunited with all his buddies who joined fraternities. I think he went to their bigger parties and got to go to a few sorority date parties - bottom line â he did feel like he missed out on a little piece of the college social experience because Greek life is so so big at his school, but still absolutely loves it there. He will go through rush again in the fall without question. He sees how much fun it is for his friends - but now, I think, knows he will be fine with it or without it.
My advice to anyone else dealing with this type of disappointment is: MINIMIZE the impact. Remind your kid how great they are and help them come up with some ideas for other clubs to join, things to do, etc. and continue to remind yourself: Itâs part of their journey. Something about what is happening to them now (that may be upsetting) is helping them become who they will be. Itâs only as big of a deal as we allow it to beâŠwhat is the sayingâŠ10% of life is what happens to us and 90% is how we handle it.
@cruiseship â I will add, my own kid did not get a bid from the fraternity that he identified as his first choice. He then went through rush the next time around, found a different house which was a better fit for him, and realized how poor a fit the other one would have been, even if he had been offered a bid. So, things sometimes do work out, we just donât see it at first. Best to you and your kid!
@Pizzagirl One of the problems with the quota system is that it pretty locks into place the tier system. A âlesserâ sorority canât improve by choosing to be selective and take a smaller pledge class.
Huh? Why would a âlesserâ sorority (dislike the terminology, but Iâll buy into it for discussionâs sake) want to take a smaller pledge class? Size is strength. The âlesserâ houses may have a harder time getting to quota if enough girls drop them along the way or donât pref them, but why shouldnât they have the opportunity? This doesnât make any sense to me. âLesserâ houses are smaller by definition and WANT to be bigger.
âA âlesserâ sorority canât improve by choosing to be selective and take a smaller pledge class.â
Actually, they can. As PG pointed out, they almost never choose to, but they could. The quota system sets a ceiling, not a floor. A chapter can take a class of 2 if their national organization allows them to.
âLesserâ sororities canât afford to be âselectiveâ. If they can get the same number as the more desirables, then thatâs an indication of growing strength and they should grab everyone they can. Why would they deliberately not take girls who express interest and pref them?
The idea that sororities and fraternities are all invested in âmoving upâ the Greek hierarchy by acquiring pledges that meet some criteria of popularity really doesnât fit my experience. Thereâs this perception that new member recruitment is based on looks/clothes/etc. and all about improving a houseâs standing (whatever that is). Itâs not that simple.
Itâs not a beauty pageant or popularity contest. Itâs actually a lot more like the college admissions process than anything else I can come up with as an analogy. (And we ALL know thatâs not a perfect system!)
Selection is holistic and often based on incomplete information. Itâs a mutual selection process. The house is creating a âcommunityâ of students that includes new members who reflect how the current members see themselves and their organization. Houses are concerned about âyieldâ so they may not pick someone who has expressed strong interests in another house. Sometimes legacies play a role. âFitâ is important. I could go on and on.
My daughterâs sorority is not a âtop houseâ but she chose it over other houses that are, for want of a better word, more âpopularâ because she felt a connection to the girls there. Sort of how she chose her college.
Itâs actually nothing like that.
College admissions are determined by trained professionals.
Fraternity admissions are determined by a bunch of kids deciding who they âlike.â
Want a better analogy: admissions to a restricted country club.
Members of an organization using arbitrary social criteria to see who âfitsâ as members of their organization.
Thatâs both how restricted country clubs and fraternities do it.
I gave several examples. Could you give some? Because I still donât get your argument about âarbitrary social criteriaâ and âfitâ as being the province of country clubs and fraternities and not college admissions decisions. Are you saying âfitâ isnât important in the college admissions process? Or that ECs (aka arbitrary social criteria) are not considered important?
Maybe itâs because I donât know anything about restricted country clubs and their selection process, but I still donât get why they are more analogous than college admissions to the GLO selection process. Iâd honestly be interested in more info so I could understand your argument.
^Isnât it true that one has to complete an application for the rush process, and the application is somewhat similar to a college application? Listing GPA, interests, previous activities, etc?