<p>OP, How long has it been since it been since your S’s graduation? What is the statute of limitations in your view on a graduation gift? Did she actually come empty handed to a graduation party or post graduation celebration in honor of your son? Otherwise, if your friend lives right down the street and your S is not even headed off to college yet, I have to say, I think you were way out of line in sending that text. I thought you brought up the announcement ( we do not send these, either) in a casual in person conversation. Even that would be pushing it, but a short, out of any other possible context text message “reminder” was in no way appropriate. </p>
<p>I am not saying this to offend, but to point out that your friend may now
be justifiably annoyed with you, even if she doesn’t say so. Since you’ve already had some tension in your friendship in the past, you might consider calling over there to apologize, explain you were concerned about the mail delivery, not the gift - perhaps do a bit of damage control!</p>
<p>[Miss</a> Manners: How to Announce a Graduation - MSN Relationships - article](<a href=“MSN”>MSN)</p>
<p>It seems as though Miss Manners is saying, in her elegant way, that announcements are not necessary and indeed get viewed as a bid for a gift, and that the most you can / should expect from friends is congratulations. </p>
<p>I also concur with roshke that “asking if she received the announcement” comes across as very desperate – sort of an unspoken “did you get a gift yet?” </p>
<p>If she offered you and / your son verbal congratulations, that’s all that really should be expected. Anything else is gravy. If she does indeed feel guilted into getting a gift now because of the text message “reminder” – will getting that gift feel really good?</p>
<p>I can kind-of-sort-of see such a gift from a grandparent who knows that the student wants a refrigerator and coordinates with the parent to have it bought / rented / delivered / what-have-you. But I’m having a hard time thinking that I would appreciate someone just showing up and giving my kid a refrigerator. Maybe there are space considerations or limitations in the dorm. Maybe the family would prefer to rent on-site and not have to lug one back and forth. Maybe the kid and roommate had already agreed to split all expenses and now this throws a monkey wrench into it. Again, I could see if it were a coordinated gift, but not on its own.</p>
<p>Agree that I would never have texted that. It’s one thing when you’re trying to cater, for instance, and you need a headcount. But just asking whether she got the invite does come across as a bit crass.</p>
<p>This thread is interesting, as was the other grad announcement thread. I believe the bottom line on that thread was that the sending of announcements is very much a regional thing.</p>
<p>Sorry, if I missed upthread whether this is common practice where OP resides. IMO, it appears many posters above believe sending them is “crass”, a “bid for a gift”, etc. I would love to be able to parse the 100 posts and see if these thoughts correlate to being in an area where sending them isn’t expected or accepted.</p>
<p>In my midwestern state, it is very much accepted and expected. Parties, mostly at the home–bbq, hog roast, outdoors stuff, are the norm. Neighbors, friends, and relatives are invited. People are much more likely to be offended if they <em>don’t</em> get an invitation than if they do. Invitations are usually personalized with pictures and info on the graduate. I love receiving them and seeing the pictures and the kids’ plans. Our rural, public HS graduates 45-60/per year and so know one another. It is fun to attend the parties and wish the kids well.</p>
<p>In my area, I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t be upset by what the OP’s friend did. It would be taken by most as a slight on the friendship. I also understand those of you above who had dire circumstances at the time, but for others, there are $1-3 cards at every Wal-mart and grocery here the entire month of May.</p>
<p>See, now we’re all starting to think about what graduations, baby and wedding announcements we may have neglected. With a big family, everybody having different events constantly…sometimes repetitively, it can be difficult to remember. If I don’t take care of something right away, I might forget about it. I hope people don’t hold a grudge and take offense, in fact I hope they aren’t keeping a list of whom did what.</p>
<p>Many years ago, my husband’s family had a big reunion (they’ve had many, but this was bigger than usual, with more family attending). People have brought it up a couple of times over the years, and my husband truly can’t remember it. There have been many comments from people that, “I can’t believe you don’t remember that!” But he’s too polite to tell them that, yeah, right after that his brother was shot in the face, he had his first child, and both of us were deployed to a war zone, forcing us to leave our baby with a babysitter, so…there were alot of other memorable and stressful events at the time, this wasn’t as major an event for him as it was for them. People are forgetful, and time passes by.</p>
<p>Just got off the phone with my mom, who proudly announced that she got two graduation announcements. One was from her great-nephew and included a picture. One was from someone I had never heard from. I know some of you will think this is horrible, but it was for the son of their mechanic! Thinking immediately of this thread, I asked whether they even knew this kid, and she said, yeah, my dad has sold the kid some stuff related to a shared hobby, and the dad has been their mechanic for 35 years. She in no way thought twice about it. She didn’t see it as a shakedown for a gift and was disappointed that she didn’t get a picture with the invite. :)</p>
<p>Several times over the past few years, I have received phone calls from a frustrated Grandpa, telling me that the kids were not going to get any gift from him if they did not send him an announcement soon. These calls were usually a month before the event and in some cases the child was waiting to include a grad photo. Not sure why it became such a big deal, but he was darn cranky about it.</p>
<p>One group my kids have included in their announcements is former teachers. They will often send an announcement to a teacher who made a difference along the way. One DD sent one to her kindergarten teacher No gifts, please.</p>
<p>I’ve never gotten a graduation announcement, and we didn’t send any. We had a nice dinner for friends and family when my daughter graduated, and a party for her friends, which was fun, to get a chance to see all the kids all grown up.</p>
<p>We had “no gifts please” put on the dinner invitation.</p>
<p>OP mentioned in the first post that she asked if the announcement was received and received a reply. Now, I see she texted to ask. Was the friend asked twice if she received the announcement?</p>
<p>Obviously, there are issues in this friendship that go way beyond this announcement. If I were the friend at this point, I would probably let the OP know that it is clear I cannot live up to her expectations as a friend so perhaps we should call the whole thing off. Fixing friends rarely works - you take them as they are or leave them alone. Some people really want to only be friends with people who are just like them. They will make themselves and others crazy if the expectations are not met.</p>
Bingo and a hearty LOL! I’m not sure how we ever got onto page 7 of this thread before someone made this quite obvious point (at least I think this is the first time). And now that you have made this point, it kind of clarifies for me… what could possibly be the reason to send an announcement to an on-the-block friend? I can only think of one… can anyone guess what that would be?</p>
<p>There are going to be as many people who are angry they didn’t get the announcement, if they learn other people did… . as people who think the announcement is a thinly veiled request for a gift. This thread demonstrates this. </p>
<p>The announcement is irrelevant, i think. I think the issue is that a true friend shares your pleasure and you know it…</p>
<p>Jnmom, you’re right. All of the announcements I’ve gotten, and I have a whole slew of them are for kids that are kind of out of the loop now. None from DS’s school, none from the neighborhood. Of course all of the cousins, but I would have asked for one from each one if they didn’t send them to me. </p>
<p>I asked my DH’s aunt if she expected any gifts for her grandchildren’s announcements. “Don’t you dare start any of that stuff,” was her answer. With so many of us, we would be swapping gifts all year! I guess it would shore up the economy. Really, if I go to a graduation and/or the party, I would likely bring something without a thought, as I always do when invited to a gathering, but otherwise, no one gets gifts from me.</p>
<p>But we’re not talking about graduation <em>parties.</em> Those are appropriate everywhere (as the person sees fit to entertain), whether they are informal backyard barbecues, formal cocktail parties, or parties held in a restaurant or a different venue. An invitation to a graduation party is one thing. We’re talking about a graduation <em>announcement.</em> That merely announces that so-and-so is graduating X high school. Sorry, I still see those as well-meaning but kind of tacky bids for a gift, and I think graduating hs is unremarkable enough that it needn’t be announced. (Actually, I’m not really sure I’d announce a college graduation either. Those who need to know, already know.) </p>
<p>I can’t at all equate this to wedding or baby announcements.</p>
<p>What graduation would you go to that wasn’t an immediate family member? I’m sincerely curious. I can’t ever think of a time where it would be expected / anticipated that I’d go to the graduation of someone other than an immediate family member. My best friend’s kids? No, why would I ever attend their graduations? They aren’t my kids. I don’t go attending their ballet recitals and track meets and soccer games either.</p>
<p>I think it’s common to be invited to a graduation party even if not to the graduation. We had a combo grad party for DS, our niece and step grand-S. All graduating same year, different high schools (different parts of the country even). We invited extended family and close friends. Most of whom had not been “invited” to the graduation. Our own hs is small and graduation held outdoors where there is no limit on number of people who can come. But not that many people want to sit through even a short graduation ceremony. We had grandma, us and one cousin who was very close to DS at the ceremony. But many more people at the casual BBQ grad party. Some brought gifts, I think several didn’t. But I wasn’t taking inventory :D, and have no memory of who did and who didn’t, I’m happy to report.</p>
<p>PG–That was my post. Where I live, the announcement IS talking about the graduation party. The announcement announces the graduation AND the party. There are no ticket limits on our graduation, but usually only family or very close friends would attend the actual event.</p>
<p>I don’t want to be snarky at all, but just because you think HS graduation is unremarkable and/or it’s not a big deal where you live doesn’t mean everyone and every area is the same. As I stated earlier, I think it’s very much a regional thing. I certainly had the expectation my kids would pursue post HS education, but that doesn’t make HS graduation any less special. In this locale, a big deal is made about HS grad. </p>
<p>The OP has a very long-term friendship, she feels slighted, and her feelings are hurt. I was trying to point out, since most posters appeared to be from regions where announcements were not common, that OP’s feelings would be well understood here, where announcements are common.</p>
<p>The world, unfortunately, is teeming with kids. Everyone has them, and it is simply impossible to remember all of their ages and stations in life. Case in point, some time ago I encountered a friend who told me of his child’s impending graduation. I remembered the kid; freckles, runny nose, Osh Kosh overalls, but I had no idea whether the graduation was from high school, college, or graduate school.</p>
<p>Based on that incident, and valuable information gleaned from the pages of CC, I have developed a lucrative strategy/business plan. Each May I send graduation announcements to every person in my address book. I began by using my kid’s actual names, although the graduations were entirely fictitious. Recently, in order to ensure revenue growth (and to avoid detection) I have taken to using fictitious children and schools (The Boston School Of Environmental Awareness, Hirstwhile University, Harvey Mudd, Breckenwirth Academy, etc.). </p>
<p>Friends ask me how I sleep at night. I answer, quite honestly, on a bed of US Savings Bonds. I currently stand, behind the People’s Republic of China, as the second largest creditor of the federal government.</p>
<p>We had a friend attend Penn graduation with us who wasn’t a family member. He was a high school friend of mine and remained a family friend. No one in his family went to college. He had been a big help with our son and some logistical issues (moves, storage, cat sitting etc) all through college since he was much more local than we were. I certainly didn’t expect him to attend graduation and told him as much, but I did want him to have the announcement. He was thrilled and did attend. I guess there ARE those circumstances out there. (I, personally, would rather wear a street corner billboard for 4 hours than attend a graduation that didn’t involve a close family member.)</p>
No gifts, please.</p>