Yeah spot on haha! I’m the family’s translator so for paperwork or phone calls from the doctors or anyone else I’m the interpreter for them.
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Do you have siblings in middle or high school?
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Actually this is very serious and rightful concern. One of my DDs’ was very adamant that she didn’t want to feel like Cinderella on campus filled by “filthy rich” (sorry not my phrase). We are middle class and she has unlimited access to our credit cards (with reasonable spendings…) She gets very irritated by students walking in Gucci or with Louis Vuitton…
After @Hippobirdy post I think OP will be really better at UCLA. Being in a big school with diverse environment he will definitely find his crowd.
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PhD programs worth attending tend to funded (tuition waiver + living expense stipend, although the generosity of the stipend relative to local living costs varies).
Medical school is extremely expensive ($110k/year private; in-state UC somewhat less but still expensive), but students can borrow on their own (but the debt can take a long time to pay off even on physician pay). Most premeds are lucky to get one medical school admission, so they do not have a choice regarding less expensive or closer to home or whatever.
In other words, there is much less parental financial leverage regarding your choice of graduate or professional school.
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My D21 has a friend who was in almost the identical situation. 1st gen, admitted to both Penn and UCLA with similar out-of-pocket costs. Chose UCLA and hasn’t regretted it!
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I am sorry you are in this sticky situation. I assume with your cost at $4k you qualify for Penn First Plus. Which gives laptops, summer funding and much more. It also gives money to travel to the school. I am a Penn parent and can’t say enough about my kids experience there. That being said you need to decide if you could go to Penn without your parents permission and still thrive. You will be fine in a medical emergency with 3 hospitals surrounding the campus. You will make friends and have special programming for FG and Penn First. But will you have enough of a support network?
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I have a few acquaintances from a summer program that are going to attend Wharton but that’s about it. That’s why I’m leaning towards UCLA as of right now because of the support system I have if I remain in state. I’m conflicted because I probably will be happier at UCLA but Penn’s opportunities and advising are abundant compared to UCLA where there aren’t enough spots to meet demand. Not to mention class size is smaller at Penn.
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Will you be able to live on campus and get “the full college experience” if you go to UCLA or will you be a commuter? I agree with other posters that this isn’t something that should tear your relationship with your family. Give them time and continue to work through it if you still have your heart set on Penn but it sounds like you’re now thinking about it in a more balanced way based on the last few posts.
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One thing I know about private schools is that financial aid packages are often disappointing when they come in. Inflation has not made that any easier. With UCLA, you’re coming in with the knowledge that your parents can afford to pay all 4 years. You’ll do great.
UCLA has benefits but is more than twice more expensive for this FGLI student (ie., full ride with no loans, laptop, and $4,500 summer stipend if this student finds a low paid internship).
@magicbirf: have you been able to reach out to the FGLI office at Penn, the representative for your faith group and associated clubs, and/or a local religious elder/respected faith leader?
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At the Ivies? I must admit this is the first I’ve heard anyone say this. Which private schools have you experienced this with?
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There’s been a down-tick of donations to elite colleges due to the recent anti-semetic protests. This would be the year that those lack of donations would show.
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Off topic to OP so I won’t delve into it but Penn has a huge endowment and any slow down in donations won’t have any near term impact - like the financial package they’ve already provided to OP.
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Penn has already committed to the OPs financial aid. Your fear mongering is inaccurate in this case.
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It’s really important to do a clear, apples-to-apples comparison of the financials.
When you say 8K for UCLA, does this mean 8K out of pocket, plus the guaranteed loan which will be $5500 the first year, $27K total over four years?
If the Penn package is, in contrast, loan-free, that difference is actually bigger than the immediate cash-flow difference, by a good margin. (And that’s before you consider things like free laptops and internship stipends.)
One way to look at this is that you’re still allowed to take the guaranteed loans if you go to Penn. Suppose you did? In that case, you would need zero from your parents; the loan would cover your family contribution with $1500 the first year left over for travel costs (more in subsequent years). And they’d have their 4K in hand to visit you if they chose. (Of course, not taking the loans and graduating debt-free also sounds excellent!)
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Based on test running both schools’ NPCs for a low income ($20,000) family, it looks like the stated numbers are consistent with the NPC amounts not covered by grants. The Penn NPC said $3,537 suggesting that it be covered by student work earnings. The UCLA NPC said $9,000 suggesting that it be covered by self-help (presumably meaning federal direct loan plus student work earnings).
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Weeeellll, not so much on class size issue. Your science pre-reqs will still be big lectures with a couple of hundred people, even at Penn. But if you sit front and center, it doesn’t feel that way - after all, you’re paying attention to the prof, not to the people sitting behind you.
Yes, if their package at Penn doesn’t include the federal loan, they should take it anyways, each year. That will give them some financial cushion, and help to cover med school applications, if that’s what they wind up doing.
FWIW, am a parent and went to Penn (I actually post on the Penn congratulatory board). As for travel, I was an intl student when I travelled to Penn, which necessitated travelling back to Asia and back to Philly via either SFO or LAX then PHL and take the $5 (it was $5 then) train from the PHL airport to University City - so convenience in travel is NOT an issue IMHO… cost? well, I can’t argue on UCLA travel cost vs Philly if you’re in-state in CA 
BUT, here’s where I can be a bit of help - my folks FORBADE me from taking med school when I was choosing university - yup, I got into med program but they forced me to go Biz. And that’s how I ended up at Wharton in the end. Looking back, everything happened for a reason – so long as their “logic” makes sense to you (not necessarily 100%, but >=50%), then I think you have to factor that in your Penn vs UCLA decision.
Finances are definitely a big ask from the parents – if they’re not buying into it, it will be literally a tough call – only YOU can gauge if they will EVENTUALLY buy into Penn. If you’re definitely on the “no they won’t” camp, then, sadly, we have to live with that reality… If, on the other hand, you think they will eventually open up to such idea, then clearly, I’m biased for you to enter Penn
Wharton alumn and now a Parent (not of a Penn student, my son is still in elementary/middle school haha)
PS dont worry too much about philadelphia being such a big school, philly being a “sh!tty” place etc. You’ll manage… remember I was an international student then… we were given whistles and led to know all those blue phones (for emergencies). i took a wrong turn beyond 40th street then and it was an eye opener, but I’m safer in Philly than I feel now in Canada haha
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I don’t get it - mom/dad aren’t letting the student go.
To OP, you’ve been given ideas on how maybe to get them to understand.
Hopefully you can use such tools to make it happen if you really want to - although it sounds like earlier you said UCLA.
Not sure saying - just go to Penn - is a reasonable answer - if the parents are in disagreement.
Anyway, it sounds like you’re leaning toward UCLA - but no matter which you attend, best of luck.
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