must make sure your finances are protected. That move to the Bay Area could be costly…you want the resorted to do this.
That should say JUST make sure your finances are protected. The move could be COSTLY.
Yes, that is exactly what I meant.
Due to personal experience, I get incredibly angry when I read the usual BS about men needing sex and if they aren’t having it it is because the wife doesn’t want it or doesn’t make overtures or has “let herself go” or whatever.
I don’t think anyone was suggesting that here!
For two of my BFs, it was “chemistry” = sex. Both friends, married to a successful attorney and doctor, helped their spouses climb up the ladder/build their businesses and raise their children. But the husbands’ gripes were all about the lack of intimacy and sex. Both, not surprisingly, were already cheating on their wives when they decided to leave.
FM, please talk to an attorney for guidance to protect your finances. One of my friends did that right away and it truly benefited her financially. The other friend says she is walking away and not fighting for her share of the business. I hope not. She will get the house (and the mortgage) and will have to sell. This summer, she will be moving back to her hometown across the country to live with her mother and start over. It’s sad.
While having finances protected, I would encourage you to do all the positive things to keep the marriage going. Maybe something will have H decide to hang in. It takes energy to go through a divorce after a long marriage, and unless he has totally thrown in the towel, it ain’t over until it is over.
Try to do positive things and avoid anything negative. Look at the big picture for motivation.
With all the talk about cheating on a spouse, I just want to add that I personally know more marriages that have ended due to cheating wives than cheating husbands. I think the infidelity rate is pretty equal these days.
I think it was in the air.
But I really was thinking about the “conventional wisdom.”
@fauxmaven, I don’t have any advice, but I’m sorry this is happening to you, and I’m sorry your husband is being hurtful in how he’s expressing things. Maybe this has been building in his mind for a while and is now spilling out–but that’s not YOUR fault.
move half the joint money into your own account and hire the best lawyer in town.
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Thinking about your H saying there was no chemistry, I am calling nonsense. If he was looking for something else, nd you got together regardless, it was more than just good mothering skills. I’m betting a very strong attraction. He has just chosen to forget that feeling, that piece. I watched my ex forget that as well, conveniently.
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I agree. I think he’s forgotten, and that’s his current excuse. It’s also likely an excuse that he thinks will be acceptable to his family, friends, etc …who might otherwise judge him for leaving a perfectly nice lady that they all like. I think most men know that their relatives aren’t going to accept something like, “I want the excitement of some new arm candy. I’ve got a box full of Trojans and I’m now on Match!”
He probably thinks that telling people: “I was never attracted to my wife, so before I die, I want to experience Chemistry,” will get him SYMPATHY and encouragement. We’ve become a culture that believes everyone should be happy, and therefore it’s become totally cool to dump relationships if you’re not happy or fulfilled. “Oh you poor thing, you’ve never experienced that ‘chemistry’ between a man and a woman? Of course you need to divorce your wife and get that!”
L-)
Are we supposed to believe that:
A) This guy never had any romantic relationships before he met Fauxmaven where he was attracted to the woman??? (it sounds like he was in his late 20s, when he met FM, so is he claiming that he had no chemistry with any earlier women, either???)
B) He was a virgin when he met Fauxmaven???
I’m pulling the BS flag.
=;
It does happen, though. Think of how many gay men and women have married straight spouses of the opposite sex, only to come out late in life. That’s just one example of a situation in which a spouse could honestly make the declaration that there’s never been chemistry and they want some chemistry before they die.
Is he claiming to be a closeted gay man? If not, I agree with blowing the BS whistle.
NO NO NO! My husband is not gay. I am really hoping we can work things out! Stay tuned!
Fauxmaven, I am sorry and truly admire your attempts to save the marriage. I hope your husband is also willing to take the same attitude. I did wonder, rhetorical question: How do you feel about the counselor you are seeing?
First, it seems to me that he/she is making you feel very uncomfortable and uncertain of yourself in pointing out what he/she perceives as “living parallel lives”.
Now, counselor also finds it appropriate to allow participants to bring up personally hurtful statements in a couples session? I can understand objective statements - “I resent that you work until 10 PM each night.”, “I am left with the cooking and cleaning up every evening which means I have no time for myself. I am never thanked for these efforts”, etc. Impossible, however, to answer to the hurtful things your husband felt free to offer. Obviously, I don’t know how the counselor handled your H’s statements, but I know I would not be able to return to hear more of this sort of thing - especially while paying for the privilege. Seems exploring these and similar thoughts/feelings of your H’s should be in a private session. Others can weigh in if the counselor’s approach is typical of the profession or if they are aware of what I am missing in the approach, but I know that I personally couldn’t handle couple’s sessions with “revelations” such as you describe.
Lots of us are pulling for you - whatever the final outcome. Do take care of yourself - emotionally, financially, spiritually, etc.
@fauxmaven Your husband is a fool!
@ the rest…u all sound a bit sexually fustrated!
@fauxmaven Your husband is a fool!
What do you mean? PHUNT01810? A fool about what?
for leaving his family!
Elaborate some details.Please PHUNT01810. His kids are grown and maybe there is something better out there.
I think that poster may be a new kid with just a couple of posts.