Our D has access to a spreadsheet with all the info for all of our financial stuff. It includes account numbers, passwords. Both kids are on the safe deposit box registry and know where the keys are kept. They have access to another list of contact information for the lawyer, broker, executor etc. Additionally we keep copies of passports, credit cards etc and they know how to access this also.
It takes a level of trust to give the keys to the kingdom to your kids…but it’s also saved our collective bum on several occasions.
I am thinking it maybe a good idea to take photographs of items of value and where they are located and put it in a safe deposit box. If there is damage to your personal property at least you’ll have a copy of the paperwork offsite.
I would combine accounts to simply matters. I guess unless I win the lotto my stuff shouldn’t be too complicated but all those tiny details do add up.
A few pages ago I saw some posts about fauxmaven’s husband not being a ‘nice’ guy because he said some hurtful things in therapy.
Just to play devil’s advocate…1) They were both aware prior to the marriage from what I could tell 2) He may be one of those people who felt that the only way for her to move on was for her to get mad at him, so he said something he thought might make it easier for her to move on
Personally, I think passive-aggressive types are often mistaken for ‘nice’. Lots of possibilities none of us can know about the situation.
Ultimately, take the advice of so many here. Get some legal advice, even if it is just the ‘first visit is free’ type thing.
FM - How did you go from “my H wants to get a divorce” from not too long ago to “I feel pretty good about us today?” I wouldn’t normally pry, but you started this thread and we are on page 30, so I would like to know what changed? Things don’t usually change that fast IRL.
DW and I saw “45 Years” last evening, a sobering, brutally honest film which takes place over the course of a week as a British couple prepares for their forty-fifth wedding anniversary party. The H’s failure to disclose, and come to terms with, a longstanding issue leads to devastating consequences in the marriage.
The silent scene in which Charlotte Rampling looks through old photographs is Oscar-worthy. And the subversive use of a great soundtrack–that includes “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes,” “Go Now,” and “Happy Together”–makes for a startling, creepy, and thought-provoking film.
I am feeling better about US due to starting Couples Therapy. My husband showed me more papers than I wanted to see… Went to SF this weekend and saw the son who lives there now. He seems to be getting along in CA.
After almost 30 years, my husband is thinking of leaving me. … This is title of thread, not H wants a divorce. Perhaps there is another thread called this. Not mine. ( OLDFORT)
Fauxmaven, I’m glad you’re feeling better about the two of you after beginning couples therapy. No doubt Oldfort is not the only one who interpreted your thread title as meaning your husband wanting a divorce. I did, mainly because I couldn’t think of what else it could mean. If my husband had said, or even indicated, what yours has then I would have no doubt he meant our marriage was over as far as he was concerned. It’s good that isn’t the case for the two of you.
If my husband said “I’m thinking about leaving you,” I would assume he meant “I’m thinking about filing for divorce.” I would also assume that he had already (1) spoken with a lawyer and (2) taken steps to protect his own financial interests before making any kind of announcement to me. And if I were the one who wanted to announce that I was thinking about leaving him, I would do exactly the same things before mentioning anything to him.
We would do these things even if we were willing to try marriage counseling and interested in the possibility of saving the marriage.
But then, my husband and I both had divorced parents. Triple-divorced, in my case (my mother was married and divorced three times, and I’m a product of marriage #1, so I saw it all happen). We are probably a lot more jaded and cynical than the OP.
A while back on this thread someone mentioned a specific series of personal questions that couples can ask each other, which purportedly can help two people fall in love.
An article in the NY Times about a couple using the questions is here:
Count me confused. Where is the H going? Are they living apart but remaining married?
I think in some states living apart for a period of one year under a separation agreement can be automatically convert to a divorce. Not saying that is what OP’s H is doing but it might be worth a quick look at what the law is in your particular state.
I have also never heard of a long term spouse “leaving” where it didn’t mean some permanent rift, whether formalized into divorce or not. Am glad for OP that they seem to be finding counseling helpful and hope they can clarify what they want individually and collectively. As they move forward, so each can be happy.
After almost 30 years, my husband is thinking of leaving me. ... This is title of thread, not H wants a divorce. Perhaps there is another thread called this. Not mine. ( OLDFORT)
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I’m so glad that you’re feeling better… {{ hugs }} But, can you clarify something that I and maybe others don’t understand…
Are you saying that your husband was thinking of leaving you (as in…lifelong separation?), but not a divorce?