<p>You shouldn’t force your children to sit down with you and give them alcohol and teach them how to drink responsibly… no… that’s just wrong.</p>
<p>Like erhswimming, when the natural time comes, and your children feels comfortable (or curious) with drinking, having a couple of drinks and showing them a good time won’t hurt. It would teach them how to enjoy the effects of alcohol. Maybe during New Years, having some good wine, or Christmas with some nice glasses of Martini… </p>
<p>If your child doesn’t like alcohol, fine… Good for them. But the fact is that the majority of college kids do drink and many of them do end up doing stupid/horrible things because they never learned how to really “enjoy” drinking alcohol.</p>
<p>I have honestly never heard views as extreme as some of those presented against alcohol in this thread. I am actually now scared about moving to America for my tertiary education due to some of the insane radical views presented here!</p>
<p>I live in Switzerland, and I’m 15. I have been a casual/social drinker since I was 12, but have never abused alcohol in anyway. My parents always brought me up with wine and beer at table since my age was a single digit, even though the drinking age here is 16, and 18 for spirits. Having said this, you can be served alcohol in shops, restaurants and bars at pretty much any age above 10, thanks to the relaxed atmosphere here.</p>
<p>All those that I know who are in similar situations are all of those who end up being the most responsible drinkers later on! Many friends of mine who were always prohibited from drinking have developed heavy drinking problems now that they’re legally drinking.</p>
<p>Making a complete generalisation (and my apologies to those who this doesn’t apply to,) I would say that Americans are way too worried about liability issues, as they have lost all sense of personal responsibility.
My parents let my friends over, and we’re allowed to drink. The same applies to 99% percent of households here, as parents place TRUST in their children and the adults that are hosting them. </p>
<p>You have to let your children grow up, and in order to do so, you have to be open and trusting, giving guidance rather than oppression.</p>
<p>Have to agree with all of Mom2three’s points. At the end of the day, it comes down to the fact that it’s illegal for anyone under the age of 21 to drink and that’s that.</p>
<p>Our rule has always been-abide by the laws of the country you’re in. When my son and his friends went to Costa Rica for sophomore year spring break, they all had wine with dinner (the boys stayed with the great aunt and uncle of one of the guys) because the drinking age is lower. If my daughter goes to Europe this summer, I have no problem with her having a glass of wine since she’ll be over the drinking age. My son has since turned 21 so it’s a moot point with him, but my daughter knows that she’s not drinking in our house for two more years and she’s cool with it.</p>
<p>I’m a HS senior and I don’t drink regularly at home at all; I’ve never had beer. I’ve had wine before but only at large family events that each had religious meaning. I’m Jewish, and I’m allowed to have wine during ceremonies, but instead of a whole glass of wine I have one or two sips. It’s enough to satisfy me anyway. Heck, my rabbi gives the bar/bat mitzvah a real glass of wine during the kiddish.</p>
<p>The funny thing is that I was in Israel this summer and visited some cousins. (They’re 19 and 21) They were both drinking wine because the legal age there is 18, and I told them that in the U.S. it was 21. They were both shocked. LOL.</p>
<p>Hmmm. Well, know your kids and your community and make your own decision, but please don’t make the assumption that kids from homes where there’s no drinking are the ones who will be wild later. In fact, I think Debruns’ posting is in agreement with my own experience. In my experience, the parents who allowed underage drinking in their homes - for their kids and their kids’ guests - were the ones whose kids later were in trouble, not the kids whose parents didn’t make drinking “normal.” They got in trouble for false IDs, among other things - and they really believed it wasn’t wrong, but their arrests caused quite a lot of problems and interfered with opportunities.</p>
<p>But that’s what many posters are trying to say here. It is NOT illegal for everyone under the age of 21 to drink (it depends on the state). If so, who’s going to start policing every church on Sundays that serves wine as part of the eucharistic celebration? What is illegal, is probably a continuum of how the kid gets the alcohol (illegal to buy/sell), where they’re drinking it, etc.</p>
<p>It was NOT illegal for my 18-year old daughter to have a beer or glass of wine with dinner in both Wisconsin and Texas in the last two weeks, in my presence, in nice restaurants. This is reality.</p>
<p>I haven’t offered my 18 yr old wine alcohol. I know he drinks at school. He knows I am not happy about it. I hope he is doing it in moderation. Most of his friends drank in high school. He did on occasion but was usually the driver since he knew with us he would lose driving rites if he drank. Many of his high school classmates have parents who supply alcohol. I don’t have a problem with a parent offering their own child wine or beer but I do have a problem with them giving it to other kids.
At Thanksgiving my BIL (husbands side) offered my son a beer. My son looked shocked. We said it is fine. He wasn’t driving. The reality was he drank half and left the rest. He had no desire to drink with us. At Christmas we noticed that the hosts (my sibling) did not offer my son a drink. I appreciated that.
I have an older child who has come to the conclusion that sobriety is the path for her. Due to medications and how her body reacts to alcohol she has made a concious choice to remain sober.
Some will drink and some won’t. I preach to my kids to think before they act.</p>
<p>I have a question for other parents - what do you do if you find out your hs teen has been drinking? </p>
<p>Over the summer, I found out from D that some of her friends drink when they hang out (they are mostly 17-year olds). It’s not an everyday thing, but they do drink on occasion. At that time, I told her that she could still hang out with them if she was comfortable in that situation but that I really didn’t want her to drink (she’s only 15). Also, I told her that she was not allowed in a car being driven by anyone who had been drinking and that she should feel free to call me if she needed a ride. Additionally, I told her that if she decided to try a drink and needed me, she should call me - I would rather she feel safe to call me in that situation than have a situation get out of hand. Anyway, my friend and I argued about whether I should a) continue to let her hang out with those friends, and b) that I told her she wouldn’t be grounded if she had been drinking (provided that she called me). My feeling is that these are basically good kids - excellent students, school athletes, etc. - and that if she is going to be exposed to drinking, I would rather it be with kids like these who generally behave responsibly, than with kids I don’t know who may or may not drink responsibly. She has assured me that none of them drink and drive and that the drinking does not get out of hand.</p>
<p>I just want to make sure I am not being too lenient in letting her hang out with these friends, and also how I should handle things if she does decide to start drinking.</p>
<p>LIMOM, I think most of us see a big difference between letting a 19 year old have a beer at dinner at home as long as they aren’t driving anywhere at all that night (legal in my state) and letting a 15 year old hang out with older kids who are drinking. If you want better information, ask you D’s school what will happen if she is present but not drinking when other underage kids are drinking. At my kid’s HS, that’s considered the same as doing it yourself… instant trouble and supposed to be off all teams and ECs. YMMV.</p>
<p>LIMOMOF2 - when I asked our local police department about this, they told me if your kid finds themselves in a situation where they’re not drinking but their friends are, and the police show up, your kid should be the first one to volunteer for a breath analyzer. If they’ve not been drinking, they will not get in trouble, even if their friends do.</p>
<p>If you don’t let a 20 year old drink at your house hold, he or she isn’t going to become more respectful of the rule of law - those kind of opinions are set by 12 or 13 - they are just going to figure you are out of touch with reality and discount what you say even further…</p>
<p>dragonmom - I will check with the school to find out their policy - I just have a feeling it’s not the same at our school. By the way, I am not talking about big parties. The times when she has been around the kids who were drinking, she said it was usually no more than 10 or 12 kids and they were just hanging out - nobody has gotten really wild or anything like that.</p>
<p>teriwtt - thanks for the advice - I will pass it along to D. So far, thank goodness, she hasn’t been in a situation like that. Like I said, her friends tend to be good kids - but you never know. I have heard of the police being at a few parties recently - but luckily, D was not at any of those.</p>
<p>I would have a problem with my 15 yr old hanging out with 17 yr olds who are drinking. I know in my town it happens all the time. And like Limomof2 the kids drinking are good students, athletes and many headed off to great colleges. I think people are fooling themselves if they think it is only the “other” type of kid doing it. Not saying that there aren’t kids who don’t drink. Just that drinking is a huge problem in high school age kids.
And I do know from the experience of other kids(hope I don’t ever have first hand experience) the police and the school do little. If you are caught with alcohol on campus I think that is a suspension. If your caught by the police I know often times the police just give the kids a drive home and talk with the parents. I know one 17 yr old who had a DUI. Lost her license for 6 months and had some community service and had to attend alcohol education class. I think her parent did as well. Attending a top 10 college.
Also what I have seen is that for athletes the school can not kick them off the team if the drinking is not done on campus unless it is at a school sponsored event. If the school tried the parents would sue. Sadly I have also seen where colleges are quick to look the other way at star athlete who has had either drug or alcohol violations in high school. My friend who has a son on several high school team said that drinking is huge with his teammates. He told his Mom that the athletes drink and don’t smoke weed since they are subject to random drug testing.</p>
<p>One thing that doesn’t seem to have been mentioned explicitly is that letting kids try alcohol at home in moderation if they so desire will make it a lot less of a forbidden fruit in college and will (in my humble view) severely reduce the risk of them doing dumb things there. </p>
<p>My parents allowed me to consume small amounts of alcohol from about the age of 15. For one thing, that helped me develop taste with regard to alcohol, which severely reduces the attractiveness of the crappy beer and plastic bottle vodka served at most college parties. That doesn’t mean that I always behaved reasonably, but it made me more open with my parents and less excited by the whole “we’re in college, we can drink” scene.</p>
<p>Making a “grown-up” activity forbidden for people who are functionally adults is a recipe for the more independent of them to push boundaries in ways that you don’t like. As for the comparison to cocaine, etc., note that drinking in moderation is a normal part of most social affairs, whereas snorting coke is not.</p>
<p>The police are not so lenient where I live. One of my friends at a local HS next to my college said some friends of his upon getting busted by the cops were told to get on their hands and knees or risk being tasered. Also many kids at a local off-campus fraternity were arrested simply for drinking at a party there. The fact of the matter is that it IS still illegal, whether or not one’s views match up with the laws of your state.</p>
<p>Mom60 - just so you understand, I am not exactly happy that my 15-year old D is hanging around with 17-year olds who drink. The thing is, she has been dating one of the boys for about 8 months, and he is a very nice, very smart, and very responsible young man. He has admitted to me that he drinks on occasion, but has promised that he wouldn’t ever drink and drive. D tells me this is true - that even if he has one drink at 8:00, he will still not drive at midnight. I just can’t help worrying that either she will decide to give drinking a try as I’m sure she is curious about it. I hadn’t really thought about the police being involved as we are not talking about rowdy kids who are going out causing trouble - they are usually in somebody’s basement or family room, just hanging out and talking. I have had these kids at my house on several occasions (non-drinking), and I just can’t picture them getting out of hand and needing police intervention.</p>
<p>Laws vary from state to state concerning serving your own minor children alcohol. Ben, your post #75, mirrors my husband’s and my upbringing (although the legal drinking age for us was 18), as well as how we’re raising our children. It has worked for us, although, I do understand that different families have different rules, and I respect those decisions.</p>
<p>coronax, thanks for a great reference. What a wide variety of laws! Maybe a legal expert can let us know if local laws can be more stringent than state laws.</p>
<p>It IS against the law. In some states your license can be revoked permanently for doing so. I am not talking about a VERY small glass of champagne at Christmas dinner to a 19 year old. I am talking about parents sponsoring parties, allowing their kids to drink at will. Its outrageous, disrespectful of the law and teaching disrespect of the law, and it is dangerous to their health.</p>
<p>So they go back to college and EXAGERATE your so called “responsible drinking in the home” and the next thing you know, they are all drunk as skunks in the dorm, puking their guts out, falling off of balconeys and dying or choking on their vomit like that kid at MIT last year.</p>