Tell your D to ‘Fear Not’ I was 38 when I married for the first time; had my first kid at 43 and have been happily married for almost 25 years. My 20s and 30s were a time for me to grow in life, love and career - I would not change a thing! Your D will be happy, married (or hitched) and a mom (if that’s what she chooses), and she will look back on this time, as a time when she really could, and did, have it all. A century ago she would have been almost a grandmother by 30!!!
I would like to see a poll or scorecard on how CC parents kids met their spouse with categories like: at school (high school/college/post grad), at work, online, or socially - and if socially, where? Bar? Bowling alley? Introduced by friends?
I feel like there would be a fair amount of online starting relationships.
Big kid met her husband in the lab. 
(How original, lol)
Little kid met her BF at a summer party thrown by the parents of one of her college or HS buddies at their posh house.
I met my husband playing pinball in the dorm my junior year.
My younger son met his girlfriend of six years while on junior year abroad. They aren’t married, but seem headed in that direction eventually. Older son “doesn’t like meeting new people.” If it doesn’t happen at work, I don’t think it’s happening.
If it were my son or daughter going through this I think I would tell them that it’s ok to be sad and wonder if they will marry and have kids. That it’s natural to have these doubts. But I would also tell them that they have had the wonderful experience of loving someone and being loved in return. Sometimes when we’ve lost all hope we turn a corner and there it is, what we’ve been wishing and hoping for. I found it with my husband at age 36 and with my kids at ages 40 and 45.
I have one who is over 30. There have been long term relationships in the past but until this past year there had been a period of almost 4-5 years with no SO. Presently dating someone who might be the one. It’s hard for the female if she wants a child or more than one child. A lot of resistance to trying dating apps but did meet the present BF on an app. My other kids met their SO in college. It gets harder to meet someone once your out of school.
What I have seen with several female friends who are now mid 40’s and still single or in one case just married for the first time at 45 is that they feel they wasted a lot of years in relationships with men who were never going to commit. Their advice to younger female friends is that if you want a family don’t waste a lot of time on men who don’t want what you want.
Throwing more anecdotes here! I have another friend who had a string of bad breakups until she met her now husband when she was 35 or so. She is 55 and has a beautiful 5 yr old daughter. It was a big surprise and totally unexpected after years of unsuccessful trying…
@Sue22 – what an act of incredible strength and self-preservation it took for your D to break it off with her ex. All too many people stick around hoping they can fix their loved one with an addiction, but she can’t make him do it. Have seen it in my own family.
S1 (now 28) married very young and was divorced three years later. They met in the computer lab at college. She was an exchange student. They seemed to be a perfect match. They are still cordial, I still mourn the loss. He has a GF now, but marriage is not on their agenda for long and complicated reasons.
S2 (now 26) had a long term GF who broke up with him and broke his heart. She never told him why. It’s been many years since, and he is still solo. He has met people online, but nothing has taken yet. He really wants to marry and have kids (he’d be a great dad), but his online pursuits seem not to take.
I’m not in a hurry to be a grandma. I just want my sons to find happiness in a way that’s meaningful for them.
I got married at 34, had my first kid at 36, second at 43. Plenty of time. BTW I never thought I would marry or procreate but there you are.
Oldest met his wife at college. As far as I know they are still quite happy 5 years later. Youngest met his fiancee while on a Study Abroad - they were both in the same program she just went to a different undergrad. They seem made for each other.
H and I met at college.
I’m wondering if I’m the only one who married “early” on here - just 3 weeks shy of my 21st birthday. My first lad was born when I was 24. 30+ years later we’re still happily married and folks like my (divorced) mom who told me at the time I was being young and foolish now tell me how envious they are that I picked a great dude. Quite honestly it was mainly luck as neither of us were smart enough to know what would make a great marriage. We just knew we loved doing everything together - and we still do.
I think my lads seeing/experiencing our lives is what has led them to wanting long lives together with their significant other. The main problem for middle son is finding someone. He sees his brothers having been successful and oodles of others he hangs around with (maybe not married yet, but in relationships) and feels quite alone.
Although my kids aren’t old enough for me to offer advice, just know I can close my eyes and envision it and how I would feel. I would feel like you if it bothered them. I surely would. Whatever bothers my kids, bothers me. One of my best friends was since until she was 39, I knew her when she was 27. She was in a serious relationship for years with an older man who wouldn’t commit. She finally broke up with him, but it was hard. She dated a few times, but nothing stick. Everyone was married or we were in the midst of having our babies. I know she suffered, wanting what we all had.
She met her future husband at 38, married at 39, mother at 40 and 42. She’s 54. Is and happy as can be, but I remember those years of despair for her. My BIL met his wife through a dating site.
I would just keep telling her life has many twists and turns, and you don’t have the answers. But find some good websites and be open. But until then, just keep enriching her life. Does she have any single friends she could do things with, like meetup? There are several singles meetups in our city.
Nope. H and I were 23 when we married. But we waited to have kids (a choice we made, not due to problems) so we were 34 when our D was born. S was born 5 years later.
I got married right out of college. In retrospect I think we should have waited, because many of our marital later on would have surfaced if we had waited. I also grew a lot between 20-30, but I never had a chance to be by myself to find out what I wanted out of life. I went from living with my parents to living with my ex.
D1 met her H while in school. They just got married last year after being together for 6-7 years. She was 29 when she got married. D2 is with someone fairly serious now. She met him through her old high school friend. She also dated few guys through her school (high school, college) network. D2 will most likely get married until she is finished with law school and is bit more settled with her job.
I was 23 and DH was 32 when we got married. The age difference didn’t seem like a big deal back then, but now I can’t believe I have a husband going on MEDICARE next month!!
DH and I met in college, but didn’t get married til I was 24 and he was almost 25. Didn’t have 1st child til 8 years later, by choice.
S1 met his wife while he was in grad school. DIL had recently graduated, but was still friends with grad students S1 became friends with. They married 6 yrs after they started dating (S wanted to be done with grad school). They had their first child 2.25 years after they married, because DIL was 33yo.
S2 met his only long-term gf in a bar. The relationship lasted 1.5 years.
Our daughter met her husband via OK Cupid. They were both 27 at the time, and they married at 31. I gather he wasn’t her first boyfriend, but he’s the first boyfriend she ever told us about . . . seven months after she got involved with him. They are super-compatible.
Our son met his wife on their first day of classes in college – they were in the same core social science seminar. He apparently got a big crush on her; she wasn’t interested in him at all. They wound up in the same major, and in the same research seminar, which was a great, meaningful class. The ten or so kids in that class all felt close to one another. After they graduated, he and his future spouse were both working low-paid jobs in the same city, and saw each other in groups fairly frequently. He broke up with a girlfriend of 2-1/2 years, off-and-on (whom his parents really liked, by the way), and set his sights on his former crush. It took almost another year before they actually got involved, and three years after that before they got engaged, but given some of the cultural issues I don’t think she would have gone on their first one-on-one date unless she thought there was a good chance they would wind up married.
My wife and I met in college, became friends, got romantically involved a couple of years later, and married in our mid-20s. That’s what our son thought people should do, so he did it.
I broke up with my long-time boyfriend when I was 31 (very nice guy, but it just didn’t click any more). Two years later I was married to a guy who was my good friend all along. Turned out he had a crush on me for years but didn’t want to interfere with my relationship.
DH and I were 22. Had S1 a month before my 30th birthday. S1 was 21, DIL 22, both had graduated college.
They had applied for a fiancee visa in case the H1-B didn’t come through (her university messed up the paperwork). Their plan if she had gotten the H1-B was to start working, and get married the following year. What actually happened was fiancee visa, married at the courthouse, and the celebration a year later.
I hope OP’s D is comfortable talking to the therapist about her relationship with the BF with substance issues. The real issues bothering her may be more related to that trauma than turning 30 and being single, but it’s not a comfortable conversation to have with friends, which may cause her to feel even more alone.
My husband and I (we were both married previously) met at our large corporate employer in Dallas in the late 70s. We would not have met through our jobs, but we were both on the national corporate running team. My daughter met her (ex) husband on our extended family cruise Christmas 2005. He was a med student and worked holidays as a pianist on the Carnival ship’s band. They were both in Houston in school.
How they met:
DH and I: at work after college; married at 27;
D1 and her fiance: met on a community soft ball team while she was in grad school; getting married next month at ages 28 and 32;
D2 and her serious boyfriend: met in undergrad freshman year, broke up sophomore year, got back together her 2nd year of law school; both say this is “the one,” plan to get married a year or so after they both move to the same city (the move is not going to happen until a year from May). Both are 25;