<p>Driving does seem to be incredibly charged for seniors. My MIL has not (and could not) drive in over a decade, she still talks about it and starts fights with FIL over the keys. Mind you, she is wheelchair bound and could not get to or into a car by herself, so it is moot.</p>
<p>My mother has not driven for 15 + years due to having had a health emergency then and never picking it up again, now that Dad is dead, she really misses the freedom to go anywhere she wants, any time she wants. Yes, she knows we can & will take her anywhere she wants, but sometimes she would just like to go for a random drive.</p>
My dad thought he could still drive, and often talked about it, even after he had become completely incapacitated. I could never get my mom to just humor him about it–she had to remind him that he couldn’t drive any more.</p>
<p>My MIL sold her car and quit driving in her late 50s when my FIL retired because he could take her anywhere she wanted to go, and she couldn’t understand why my parents kept two cars after my dad retired.</p>
<p>My grandpa still drives very well at the age of 94.5 and just got his license renewed until he is 99! He only drives a few places and only during the day, but as long as he can still go he will. I am an awful driver, I have no depth perception but it is a fact of life that I am going to have to drive on places I am not comfortable. I have horrible driving anxiety, I can feel myself start to get on the verge of a panic attack whenever I have to back into somewhere. The last time I tried to back my car into our carport, I banged it into a pole and dented in the rear door. I couldn’t tell how much space there was so I thought I was OK.</p>
<p>Next time he threatens suicide if you don’t give him money, tell him you cannot support his driving. Then add you hope he’ll change his mind about suicide, but that if not, you’ll miss him when he’s gone.</p>
<p>I am completely blind in one eye since birth and have never had any kind of depth perception. But I am a good driver. One thing that I have learned is to avoid some situations that might get me into trouble. I never parallel park, even if it means that I have to walk a longer distance. I have devised ways to visually judge distances that are independent of normal depth perception. Hard to explain. Maybe because I never had use of both eyes, it is easier for me to compensate than it would be for someone who developed a problem later in life.</p>
<p>I do hope, that when the time comes for me to give up my license, I can be fairly gracious about it. If not, I hereby give everyone permission to take it anyway.</p>
<p>Eptr: God created valets for a reason. I would be one of those people who either walk or valet. I can parallel park…but it takes a few extra moves. I also have a camera that tells me where I am going. I have been blind in my right eye since I was 6. I too am a good driver…no tickets ever.</p>
<p>And…we have touchdown. The uncle has a different proposition…we loan his business $40.000 and we will make 5000% the first 30 days of our investment!!! Not only that…but our luck is over the top!!! we will have 100 million dollars by the end of the year! The only thing missing? The mailbox in Nigeria!</p>
<p>…did I mention that I don’t look well in orange?</p>
<p>Geez, ellebud, I have to hand it to the guy to have this much energy at 93! (Is he manic right now?) Clearly puts the legitimacy of his car repair request in perspective. No way, no how.</p>
<p>Although the uncle has plethora of issues…bipolar isn’t one of them. (If it were doctors would have medicated him years ago.) He is quite simply a horrible human being.</p>
<p>Close your eyes and really, really picture the moment when you get the call that he’s plowed into a crowd of pedestrians or t-boned a car full of kids. You simply CANNOT let him drive, period.</p>
<p>ETA – Check with your DMV about reporting an unsafe driver. Some states allow you to do it anonymously. </p>
<p>As to the suicide threat – Look him in the eye, and say, “Then we need to get you into a psychiatric hospital.” If he’s serious, that is indeed what you should do. If he’s not, then he’ll back off, fast. </p>
<p>This is how my dad used to manipulate my mom into getting him released from skilled nursing against medical advice. The first time he pulled it on me, I offered to call the men in the white coats. He’s never done it again.</p>
<p>(Side track)
EPTR:
I wonder how’d you’d do with parallel parking in a car that has a rear view camera and the proximity sensors that beep when you’re a certain distance away from the objects in back or in front of you?</p>
<p>Also - there are some cars that will parallel park themselves.</p>
<p>There are also now some cars that have active collision mitigation where the car is monitoring what’s in front and relative speeds and will apply the brakes itself if there’s a collision likely.</p>
<p>And of course, there are experimental cars that will drive autonomously but the above features are available now.</p>
<p>LasMa: busy morning. Tried to find the doctor who was caring for my uncle at UCLA. This is the doctor who reported him to the dmv. No luck. The two gentlemen who have the name is an obgyn. I don’t think he is hormonal.</p>
<p>Called the dmv. I was on hold for 45 minutes…on speaker phone. Had enough time to clean out two drawers. Finally got a human being. Who hung up on me.</p>
<p>My car has the beep beep for backing up and parking. It really helps a lot.</p>
<p>It varies a lot by state, but if your state is unhelpful, and the doctor can’t do it, then you’ll have to. As you maybe can tell, this is something I feel very strongly about. You can’t expect him to like it, but it’s gotta be done one way or the other. Otherwise, he’s putting innocent people’s lives at risk – with your knowledge.</p>
<p>This thought kept me motivated when we were going through this very difficult process with my dad: “What if my D were killed by a senior driver whose family knew he was unsafe, but allowed him to continue to drive anyway?” I don’t know how I could have ever lived with myself if Dad had been THAT driver and I had been THAT family member. And no, he didn’t like it one little bit, but he also didn’t kill anyone.</p>
<p>Yeah, maybe my next car will self park!!! Once the tuition is paid off!!!</p>
<p>In the meantime, I just avoid it. I have no problem judging distance to cars in front of me. The human body is an amazing thing. So capable of doing without and compensating. </p>
<p>Anyway, back to the issue. We had to take away the license of my FIL when he had Alzheimers. It was sad and he was angry but it was necessary. We had witnessed him drive on the wrong side of a very busy road and knew it was time.</p>
<p>I’m not sure how I feel about this stuff … just reference the thread on the plane crash @SFO … and how the pilots may have over-relied on the automated features of the plane … I fear the same thing may happen in cars.</p>
<p>Sounds like you’ve had a tough day, bevhills. My heart truly goes out to you. You are a kind and caring soul. My family (father, husband and self) have had family members take advantage of our kindness. so admittedly, I have no tolerance for it when I see others being treated in a similar fashion. Does your uncle have any other family members (inlaws, children, relatives on the other side of the family) who can help him in ways that are appropriate? (Fixing his car and permitting him to drive is not what I mean).</p>
<p>Just say no. If he threatens suicide, do not respond. Furthermore, if he went through with his threat, it wouldn’t be your fault. And in my mind, killing himself would be more to say *&^% you then it would be about losing his mobility. After all, he is a horrible human being.</p>