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<p>Wow. None of these are happening with S1 and DIL. Not even a wedding shower or stag/hen party. MOH hasn’t had to do anything except try on a dress! They did not have an engagement party, either.</p>
<p>We just had that wedding, Consolation. (I think you’d have liked the menu, too, though you didn’t get to your opinions on that, lol.)</p>
<p>Consolation you and I think alike. DH and I walked down the aisle with respective parents and both of us were given away by both our parents. I agree with your whole list. I’m not sure I’ll smile and nod, but I will at the very least grit my teeth and only say anything once and surely just to my kid. However as the Mom of two boys who have never had a significant other that they have told me about, I’m not expecting any weddings any time soon!</p>
<p>I don’t know. My daughter is close with her fianc</p>
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<p>OK, since you asked . . . :)</p>
<p>The *chuppah<a href=“the%20canopy%20under%20which%20the%20couple%20stands”>/I</a> represents the new marital home. Traditionally, the weddings took place outside so that there was nothing between the couple and G-d except the roof of their new home. And this is also one of the reasons (there are several others) that most Jewish weddings do not take place in a synagogue or temple. Different than Christian weddings, a “synagogue” wedding is not “more religious” than a Jewish wedding at a hotel or catering hall.</p>
<p>The tradition is that groom is walked down the aisle to the chuppah by his parents, and the bride by hers. Then the parents join the couple and stand under the chuppah with them for the entire ceremony. This symbolizes not just the joining of the couple, but the joining of the families. There is no concept of “giving away” the bride.</p>
<p>The joining of the families is so important in Jewish life that there is a word for the relationship between the parents of a child and his/her in-laws: in Yiddish, your child’s in-laws are called the machetonim. In English, there is no such word because the relationship is not considered even to exist.</p>
<p>The dancing around the bride and groom is done to welcome the new family into the community.</p>
<p>And the tradition of lifting the bride & groom on chairs with each holding onto opposite ends of a napkin arose because men and women were not permitted to touch in public for modesty’s sake. Men would dance with men and women would dance with women (another reason for the circle dances). Men and women could only dance together with a kerchief or napkin between them.</p>
<p>Thank you, Chedva.</p>
<p>Thank you Chedva! One question: I have been told that the chair dance also signifies that the bride and groom as king and queen for this day. True?</p>
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<p>The wedding you just hosted is my idea of a perfect wedding, Garland.</p>
<p>Now, what exactly was on that menu? :D</p>
<p>Consolation–during cocktail hour:
passed hors oeuvres of bruschetta (some with crabmeat), ceviche–presented on spoons–to die for, and chicken satay.</p>
<p>sit down dinner–
first course, green salad with strawberries and a sprinkling of cheese</p>
<p>Then choice of chicken with some kind of sauce (blanking on that), mahi mahi with mango sauce, or crab cakes (fabulous.)</p>
<p>Then cupcakes.</p>
<p>(this was definitely the none DIY part of the wedding, lol. local restaurant we used were incredible.)</p>
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There’s also a word for it in Spanish: consuegros. I still think there should be a word for the relationship between us and our DILs parents. We are, after all, family and grandparents to the same child.</p>
<p>It’s interesting to see the difference in menus for different ethnic groups. I know at my wedding, traditional food is a must! The older members of my family would require it.</p>
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Kind of. Jews since the time of Solomon haven’t had royalty. The Sabbath is thought of as a queen, but the prayer ushering in the Sabbath talks of the Sabbath as a bride and of Israel as her groom. There is a bit of treating the bride & groom as so special on this day that they don’t even have to stand to dance together! It also allows everyone to see them together.</p>
<p>In some Orthodox traditions, before the wedding, the bride sits on an ornate chair that could be deemed a “throne” and is waited on by her female relatives and guests, as is the groom in a separate room. </p>
<p>Part of the ceremony that most people don’t even see (and some couples skip): Before the wedding, the groom comes to the bride and he covers her face with her veil. This is because of the story of Jacob, who was tricked into marrying Leah, when he wanted to marry her sister Rachel. The groom veils the bride so that he knows who he is marrying. Then in a small ceremony with the rabbi and two witnesses, the groom signs the ketubah, the marriage contract. In Orthodoxy, the bride signals her assent to the marriage by accepting the ketubah - she doesn’t sign anything. The ketubah also lists only his promises to her; she doesn’t promise anything!</p>
<p>Oh…THAT’S why my future dil wants the traditional ceremony. I’m really kidding. As it stands now we (****y Jews…see SNL for what that means) will be doing a very traditional wedding ceremony. Beyond that…tomorrow is the 3rd family meeting about the wedding.</p>
<p>If you want to see an interesting custom, look up “mitzvah tanz” on YouTube. Hundreds of Hasidic men, all identically clad, swaying to the music – and then the rebbe / leader of the community dances with the bride while they are connected by a long sash. More accurately, he dances (as much as these elderly Jewish men can dance) and she stands there. It’s not a wedding any of us are going to be invited too, however – men and women are separated during these weddings and the only way we’ll see this is through the camera lens.</p>
<p>I have to be honest, though. Most reform / secular Jewish weddings I’ve ever been to, including my own, look pretty much like Christian weddings, except there’s a chuppah, the bride and groom are escorted by their parents, there’s the breaking of the glass at the end, and it’s not as big of a deal for the groom to see the bride before she comes down the aisle.</p>
<p>Garland, the menu has my full approval! 
(The only problem would be confining oneself to a single entree!)</p>
<p>My H had the mahi and I had the crab cakes and we shared.:)</p>
<p>I do not have anything additional to add at this time other than to say… I would love to know how this situation is resolved!</p>
<p>I was thinking about this thread the other day and how the bride is described in one of the posts as being the social director with her friends, to the point of scheduling in relaxation time when they are on vacation, etc.</p>
<p>This combined with her insistence about the MS dance makes me think that she has some serious issues with control. It makes sense, considering her past. To be honest, I would be more concerned about that general personality trait, if I were her future husband or in laws, than about one particular situation (not that it doesn’t merit attention and resolution). This might be just the tip of the iceberg.</p>
<p>EPTR: YEs, and thousand times I agree. What happens is she has a girl? Will she refuse to have father/daughter activities? No pictures? What happens if there is a business trip? Will she refuse to let him go? Will the bride refuse to let groom’s family visit/take pictures with her son and her grandchildren?</p>
<p>Counseling should be mandatory?</p>