<p>Some how I missed this thread among all the wedding threads this summer. How sad . . . for all involved.</p>
<p>One thing I learned during the lead-up to my step-D’s wedding this summer is how important it is for all parties to be as gracious as possible, and that INCLUDES the bride. My step-D was not gracious much of the time and though we’ve always had a good relationship, I must admit I’m having a hard time forgiving her for some of her wedding-related behavior.</p>
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Sorry I didn’t make this clear. There were only pictures of the bride and party before the wedding. Although the men were in the same location (different area), the photographer was only with the bride. Yes, the MOB was with her daughter and in pictures. There are no pictures of any of the groom’s side getting ready, and the bride arranged transportation for the MOG from the hotel with the guests, rather than before with the wedding party, and it wasn’t obvious that this was the plan until it happened.</p>
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That. In the intervening period leading up to the wedding, there has been one conflict after another with pretty much everyone. I just updated this specific one because you guys knew about it. But it didn’t happen in isolation. The people who said the bride was an out of hand Bridezilla were right.</p>
<p>Wow. Thanks for the reminder that, as we plan our daughter’s wedding, we need to go out of our way to be gracious and inclusive and loving to the groom’s family. And everyone else.</p>
<p>Fortunately, so far, I think things are going well. Note to self: tell photographer/videographer to spend time before the wedding with the bride AND the groom!!!</p>
<p>CMM, I think the MOG wouldn’t have been upset about no pictures before the wedding if there had been some of the two of them at any point, but there weren’t. Doesn’t every mom want a picture with her son on his wedding day? I know I do. But what the mom really did want was to see her son dressed, tweak his tie, pin on his bouttoneire and just be with him as the MOB was. This particular thing hadn’t really been communicated in a final manner until the bridal party had left to go to the venue and MOG was left behind. I think there are some things that are unnecessarily mean and that’s one of them. Was it really any of the bride’s business if the MOG was with her son? I was telling my daughter last night in another context that before she picks fights with her inlaws in the future, she needs to ask herself if the specific thing is any of her business or if she is interfering in something best left to the people involved. I hope she will remember that.</p>
<p>Despite the bride’s actions was the groom so totally clueless as to his mom’s feelings or to how she was being treated? To not have ANY pix or be with her son prior the wedding is just wrong–perhaps it’ll be better next time when he gets remarried…</p>
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He couldn’t buy a clue if you gave him a coupon. Totally oblivious. Also, “it’s the bride’s day” don’t you know?</p>
<p>Well, if my son was that clueless I would have clued him in big time.</p>
<p>I’m right there with you. I understand not wanting to make waves, but there is a point at which it is ridiculous and such resentment builds up that the relationship is damaged.</p>
<p>My D is not even engaged yet, but I have told her straight out that there are four things that I expect at her wedding or we will have a problem. THose three things are</p>
<ol>
<li> My son will seat me.</li>
<li> My mother (should she, God willing, be living) will be treated with honor and respect.</li>
<li> There will be something of a non-meat nature so that I can eat.</li>
<li> There will be reasonable pictures of our family.</li>
</ol>
<p>Okay, this girl is just a ***** and a bridezilla. There is no excuse for this level of petty vindictiveness. I don’t care WHAT her excuses were. </p>
<p>The groom needed to step up and be a man. I foresee a long future of his family being shut out of life events, and it being all about HER.</p>
<p>And while I’m at it, what’s with the MOB? Is she completely clueless also, that she wouldn’t tell her D to include the MOG? As a woman who also raised her kids alone, she has no insight, no sympathy? Or is she also resentful because the other woman’s ex was at least around for the kids a little bit?</p>
<p>I can see why your D needs to back off on this friendship for now. I have a friend of long-standing whom I haven’t been seeing because the choice is to enable her craziness–sure, your ex was trying to kill you, he was abusive, and you went and slept in people’s garages and in the woods for a week where you apparently lived on berries because you just needed to be alone for a while, and of course you aren’t mentally ill and subject to periods of paranoia such as the one where you told the police in our town that the guys painting our house has killed us and we encountered the police chief in the front hall looking for our bodies–or to call her on it and anger her. I don’t want to do either, so I just stay away, unfortunately.</p>
<p>honestly asking, why is the son off the hook in all this, with a “he’s clueless” but the bride is considered awful? they both could be clueless, no? but if the newly married husband has elected to let his wife have all the decision making while hurting his own mom, then that is his “choice”. </p>
<p>Love the sweetness and creativity of the Celine Dion “Because you loved me” song and tribute to the bride and groom’s single moms. </p>
<p>I’ve never thought about what my needs would be at my kids’ weddings, but I would hope to be respectful of the b & g’s choices, and I would hope those choices would be shared/discussed by both of them.</p>
<p>Apparently, the bride has had some ugly thoughts about people for a while and they are just now coming out. The thing that really pushed my daughter is that she has just finished her master’s degree and got a permanent teaching job doing exactly what she has planned for all of her life. She is thrilled. We are thrilled. Her friend, who is a CPA, is apparently embarrassed by my daughter’s lesser earnings potential and wonders if my D is the right sort of friend for her. My D’s boyfriend (and likely future husband) is a police officer and that makes the friend nuts. They also have a couple of friends, one of whom wants to teach younger kids but isn’t finished with her degree and another who is a hairdresser. The bride has made it her mission to mock them relentlessly and remind all of them of her superior earnings potential.</p>
<p>My condolences to the MOG on her son’s marriage. I hope she is preparing herself that there will be no pictures of her with her grandchildren, assuming that she will even be invited to see them.</p>
<p>This mom has a long, lonely row to hoe with this DIL.</p>
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It is absolutely his choice and he will rue the day because a lot of people are very angry. The dance thing should have been resolved months ago, but it is not clear to me that he even knew that the bride had arranged to leave his mother behind or even thought that that wasn’t the done thing. He may not know that the MOB was with the bride and that all those pictures were taken. He wasn’t there, but my D was and my D actually did speak to the MOG about what had happened, but the groom may not have. It is conceivable that the poo willl hit the fan when the pictures come back.</p>
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OK, if that’s true, then I lay that at the feet of the MOG. If something were going on with the wedding that upset her, she should have spoken to her son, and at least given him the chance to speak to his bride.</p>
<p>she does sound nasty, so this is a general personality trait and not simply wedding angst. understand your d’s decision.</p>
<p>still think the new husband should be held accountable for “permitting” his family to be dissed. perhaps we don’t know his true feelings or issues about his family.</p>
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I’m not being clear. The dance thing was a glaring problem that should have been resolved, but no one except the bride even considered that the MOG wouldn’t be in the group of people going early to the venue to get ready in two separate places. It just wasn’t anticipated until everyone was gone from the hotel and she wasn’t. The MOG didn’t want to raise a ruckus on the day of the wedding, but I’m sure that she expected to be at the venue getting ready with her son. I mean who would even think otherwise?</p>
<p>^but how could the son not have known this?</p>
<p>Have you ever been in a crowd of people thinking everyone was there and then find out someone wasn’t? It’s not like the bride told him, I’m sure she didn’t, but when she was rounding everyone up she didn’t round up the MOG. There were two vehicles and apparently a bit of chaos.</p>
<p>Whenever I read stories like these, I feel like the entire point of a wedding is lost to some warped vision of a one woman beauty pageant. It becomes all about a bride’s vision of being Princess for a day and really nothing about commitment, nothing about the joining of two families, nothing about the love of TWO people joining their lives. The groom all too often buys into the “it’s her day” baloney and in the process of not wanting to mess with that, ends up being party to a whole lot of hurt. Just sad…</p>
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Frankly, this is what would bother me the most. I am not that focused on who is in wedding pics (perhaps because I am not fond of being in pictures myself) but this is a crass, materialistic way for someone to view relationships and if the description is correct, it is sad IMO – for the young woman and for any of her friends.
But I guess it takes all kinds to make the world interesting.</p>