<p>Things D didn’t have: veil, garter, formal bouquet (she carried a few tiger lilies from our garden. she stuck them together with a hairtie of her brother’s (he has very long hair) as her “borrowed” thing. the F/D dance was up in the air till an hour before; during the reception she felt it could work. halfway through, groom and his mom joined, as did me and my son. Groom’s father had left early, (long story) so he wasn’t part of that. </p>
<p>didn’t have a professional photorgrapher though we did have a friend of mine take pics of ceremony and family/bridal party groups.</p>
<p>ceremony was about 5 minutes long. officiant was a friend who got internet-ordained for the occasion. This weirded out my H but it turned out fine.</p>
<p>as far as attire–D said to everyone “be comfortable.” Groom wore a tux cuz he likes tuxes. Groomsmen wore suits. Bridesmaids wore dresses they chose, no color scheme. most of women guests wore nice dresses or pants outfits. most guys had jackets and ties though a couple friends were in shorts. Bride wore flipflops, tealength bridal gown.</p>
<p>I think it is indeed very plausible that the bride did not know this was going to be a tender spot until she unexpectedly felt it. It may have taken her by surprise, bringing up old feelings she thought were long delt with. So, while it may seem the MOG should have seen this coming I can entirely believe no one did. </p>
<p>I absolutely agree that a good photographer can very easily get a picture of an unannounced dance without drawing any attention. They will be taking shots of everyone dancing (you don’t take pictures of people eating). It’s not going to be a big deal if the bride and MOG respectively don’t make it into one. It may be a good time for the bride to step out with her MOH to freshen up. The groom doesn’t want to just sit there, nice time to dance with mom. No big deal.</p>
<p>If the bride is CLEAR that there will be NO pictures taken of the groom and his mom dancing, she better be prepared to flag those two to the photographer…who will be looki g for pics like that to take.</p>
<p>I have been to several weddings where mothers and daughters have danced together because there were no fathers in the picture. Everyone attending thought it was fitting and beautiful.</p>
<p>Zoos, it’s standard practice for wedding photographers to allow enough time to photograph the groom and groomsmen before the ceremony. I think it would be unusual to not have these photos. And yes, the photographers job is to seek out the shots of the important people and moments of the day. If it’s not the groom and mom dancing, it will be a candid of them hugging or laughing or just looking at each other.</p>
<p>I feel sorry that the bride struggles with her feelings but it would be great if she could step back and look at the situation maturely and objectively. Her groom has loving parents who are involved in his life and therefore hers. This is a good thing, hopefully she will come to embrace it. She should try to see that viewing a picture of her groom and his mom is a look into the loving relationship that helped make her groom the man he is today. It’s one simple picture. No pomp, no circumstance. I hope she doesn’t perpetuate the feelings of abandonment and let them weigh down the start of a new marriage.</p>
<p>My FIL would have stepped right in and danced with me in a situation like that. </p>
<p>Does the bride have any best male friends?</p>
<p>I know both of my girls are trying to figure out how to get their bff guy friends into the wedding. Oldest has exchanged her best friend, who is a guy, for grooms best friend, who is a girl… and each has the other in the wedding party.</p>
<p>Youngest, who runs with the same group of guys since her elementary school tomboy days, intends to have them in her wedding on her side. Will be a very tux heavy wedding party. if that’s what she ends up doing.</p>
<p>I mean, there are a lot of guys who probably care about her an awful lot at the wedding, I’d imagine. </p>
<p>Just a thought, and probably not worthwhile.</p>
<p>Perhaps, since each in the bridal party was raised by one parent, the bride can consider the dance thing as a special moment with the bride/groom and his/her parent. Perhaps if she can unhook it from the “dance with the parent of the opposite sex” issue, it might be a little more palatable, and maybe the bride can understand that this is a special moment for each parent and their child in this glorious event.</p>
<p>Understand and agree that it should not be made into a big deal, but having a photo of a parent/child dance is something they are likely going to appreciate down the road. How would the bride feel if something were to happen to her MIL after the wedding? Would she be having any hindsight regret if she had forbidden ANY mother/son dance photo? Hopefully there will be other mother/son photos. To restrict this would be a mistake, IMO. And making a big deal of it with the photographers might call more attention to it. Perhaps it can be made clear to the musicians and the photographer that there will be no special mother/son dance, but if they do dance together at some point (as is appropriate and reasonable) that getting a discreet photo or two would be ok. IMO THAT is a reasonable compromise.</p>
<p>Jumping in late to this conversation. I am surprised by the bride. My dad was out of the picture when I got married; he died when I was 12. It is a bit sad that the bride wants to start the marriage off by excluding her MIL from something that is important to the MIL. I would not have thought about the dance thing either and might have been surprised (it was not an issue because my MIL was in a nursing home and not able to attend) by the request. However, I would never deny someone else something just because my parent was out of the picture. Kind of a sad start, IMHO.</p>
<p>MD Mom, I’m not excusing the brides extreme reaction, but I will point out that the emotion is different when one loses a parent and when ones parent makes a very conscious choice not to be a part of your life. Yes, either way you have lost a parent. One has died and presumedly loved you and would still be in your life if it was their choice. The other turned their back and walked away. The emotions are the difference of loss of a loving parent vs abandonment. Both exceptionally painful, but different.</p>
<p>There was a slightly similar situation at my aunt’s wedding. The groom’s mother had died and she still wanted a father daughter dance. He was great about it and agreed to dance with her mother as his was no longer with them. You have to remember that you’re creating a family. Her father in law can be a father to her too.</p>
<p>I just want to say this, BI, because I feel as if you feel you are “alone” somehow in this. My father could not be bothered to show up at my wedding.</p>
<p>My H and his mother still had a dance. My FIL would have stepped right in, but I said, “Let’s get a drink,” and we did. </p>
<p>My in-laws are great people in my life. I wish this young woman’s heart was not still broken, though it is, and she has every right to feel this way, obviously. It’s just that I wish she could “see” that she has a chance to build something new here, without the weight of her disappointing parent controlling the situation in any way.</p>
<p>But, live and learn. Over time she will stop feeling this way. It’s inevitable.</p>
<p>There is something else cooking here I’m afraid. I would definitely make sure that there should be talks with a professional. The bride doesn’t have “anyone” to walk her down the aisle? She does…her mother…why would she not give her mother the honor of walking her down the aisle? What is going to happen when husband has to go on business trips? Alone? Or what will be the reaction of the bride when one of their children, son or daughter needs/requires/prefers dad to mom? Or worse yet…dances with the bride’s husband at other parties? </p>
<p>This isn’t necessarily about the loss of a father. I honestly think it is about control, anger, and a mog now ruled irrelevant. Seriously NO pictures of mother and son? </p>
<p>One of my children is dating (and I’m more than assuming and confident that they will marry) a person who’s mother died during a lunch at their home. One of the things he said to us was, (yes, in the moment of terror and sorrow while his mother was taken off lifesupport) Who will I dance the mother/son dance at my wedding? The sorrow was so deep…</p>
<p>Life is, in my opinion, filled with choices. Just think about this: What other times will the bride want to cut out her mother in law? Birthday parties, Christmas…because it makes her unhappy to see another woman with “her” husband?</p>
<p>I am not saying that the bride is evil. She does, imo, need to sort out feelings.</p>
<p>I must say that this is the only place I have ever heard about mother and groom walking down the aisle. At the weddings I’ve been, all over the country, the mothers were always escorted by the ushers to their places, along with any grandmothers. The groom just stood up front with the groomsmen.</p>
<p>Really? The bride will enter alone and walk halfway down the aisle to meet her groom? She isn’t alone. She has a mother. Why would she snub her mother? </p>
<p>The bride is making a statement. And I don’t think it is a good one.</p>
It is not something that I’ve usually seen, I had just suggested it as a possible compromise for a way to get a nice picture of the groom and his mom.</p>
<p>Cap: And I have never been to a wedding where the both parents (if available) didn’t walk their adult child down the aisle. And, since I am the mog…my future dil mentioned that she would love to have her grandmother (who is a fantastic person) escort her as well.</p>
if that’s what she ends up doing.</p>