interesting http://flowingdata.com/2016/03/03/marrying-age/
@bestmom888 it is very sad. I want to believe you are right that parents don’t know, but as a mom of a boy I’m not so sure. I find many parents of girls are always willing to believe the the absolute worse about boys. Take a look at the few replies above.
For those implying that the the guy has said something inappropriate, I don’t think “hello” or “hi” is cause for disrespect. Generally, those are the posts I’ve seen. I’m sure my S would not look fondly upon guys who approach girls disrespectfully. While I don’t deny some guys make an inappropriate pass at girls online and in person, the idea that if a guy sees a girl online he finds attractive (witty post, beautiful eyes, pick something), why shouldn’t he approach her? If she does not want to be bothered, how is that an approval for social media humiliation?
Because there is a time and a place for that. Say, on Tinder.
Wait… so seeing if a young lady you are interested in is even interested or available is only for Tinder @bodangles ? I thought Tinder was for hook ups and contrary to what this conversation is implying, not all guys just want a hook up.
I’m finding this conversation more and more disappointing.
“I’m finding this conversation more and more disappointing.”
I think that we might be getting closer to understanding why OP’s daughter and friends are destined to become librarians with cats.
Although to be fair, at least one of my daughters is finding out that if you treat young men as human beings and look for studious responsible guys, you will likely find as many of them as you want. I suspect that my other daughter will find the same thing as soon as she gets to university in the fall (a scary thought, but this is what happens when one’s daughters grow up).
@IfYouOnlyKnew I’m not the parent of a girl. I’m a 23-year-old woman, not much older than the daughters of many of the parents on CC. I know that not all guys online are rude or inappropriate, I met my boyfriend online. But he was one of only 3 men (yes, 3, out of hundreds) who contacted me who didn’t get fresh or start making inappropriate comments. Even outside the context of a dating website where it would at least be accepted, I’ve gotten explicit/pervy messages on Twitter, on Instagram, on Facebook Messenger, on Steam, on LINKEDIN for goodness’ sake.
I don’t know what the cause is, I don’t know what to do about it, and I know it’s not pleasant to think about, but harassment is out there, and it’s everywhere.
Odd. I know many attractive young women. Sure, they get a few oddball inappropriate contacts online but they are few and far between. I’d perhaps suggest adjusting your social media settings to only those people you actually know.
^ What I find disappointing is how many rules some people have regarding dating/hookups, the right way, the wrong way, the right time, the wrong time, which apps are for what purpose, blah blah blah…
It’s gotten to the point where you need a flow chart just to keep up with it all.
I truly think I understand when my S and his friends say its too hard to figure out who you can even approach. Wow!!!
My daughter has had to block some linkedin users for sending inappropriate messages.
She is looking for a job connection and they are looking for something else.
I helped her adjust her privacy settings on her account but she still sometimes gets these kinds of messages.
@DadTwoGirls that’s encouraging.
I’m not really sure where people get that you can pick an age to get married. My D is not picking to be single. I guess she is picking to use internet dating apps but she’d rather not. She thought she found her life mate but it didn’t work out out. It was better to find that out than after they married.
She has not received naughty messages either through the dating app or her social media. She is careful at what she puts on social media and carefully vetted the people she swipes on. Is it perfect? No. Are there still creeps out there? Yes. Same as in real life.
She’s not looking for hookups. She’s not looking for them in her non dating app life either.
Me too, but I’m guessing for different reasons.
I explained the mindset behind viewing unwanted romantic advances as annoying. That’s all the arguing I’m going to do.
@DadTwoGirls , before I become indignant at your comment, are you saying that my kid and her friends are going to remain dateless because of how they treat guys? I am hoping that isn’t what you meant.
I certainly didn’t anticipate this becoming 23 pages long. When I initially posted, I was lamenting that my shy, studious daughter and her similar (not as shy) friends don’t seem to have any dates or boyfriends and I was wondering if this is more common than it used to be. I doubt many of them are rebuffing unwanted advances IRL or online, and they aren’t jerk girls being horrible to guys. They are inexperienced girls who are quite happy with their status and seem unconcerned about their lack of love lives. In fact, I joked with two of them the other day that they should join Coffee Meets Bagel, after reading those comments. I told them is wasn’t as “sketchy” as Tinder. They were pretty amused by my dating advice.
I think the biggest change in dating these days is the use of social media. It never existed for the vast majority of the people responding on this thread. We had to make connections IRL. I personally think that’s the best way to connect with people, but I appreciate that computers and social media have unquestionably allowed people to meet others who they may not have met otherwise and there is nothing wrong with that. I think my daughter may well end up meeting someone that way. Anyway, I think I preferred this thread when it was more light-hearted.
I think the old school meeting in real life still works. All young people should give it a shot! 
“are you saying that my kid and her friends are going to remain dateless because of how they treat guys?”
I think that it is more an approachability thing than anything else. As someone said many posts ago, a smile and a simple “Hello” can go a long way.
“I think the biggest change in dating these days is the use of social media.”
Yes, this is one of the big changes. Another smaller change that I have been able to notice is that at least a few men are becoming afraid of approaching women for fear that it would be taken the wrong way. I understand that this doesn’t apply to all men, and it is not completely new.
One thing that as far as I can tell has not changed as much as I might wish that it would, is the apparent reluctance of women to approach men.
I have been following this thread for awhile because @lindagaf 's daughter reminds me a lot of my own daughter and her core friend group. Most of them are entering freshmen and sophomores in college and most of them have yet to date, casually or seriously. They are all smart, funny, attractive, down-to-earth girls. Some are downright stunning.
They don’t drink or do drugs and they’re not interested in casual hook-ups. And while I think they’d all like to have a love life, they aren’t angsting too much about not having one just yet. They tend to socialize in groups that include both boys and girls.
I also don’t think these girls are projecting unavailability or are inherently approachable. Nor are they pushing away the nice, earnest guys because they are drawn towards the handsome, less substantial ones. I don’t think they’re doing anything “wrong.” Frankly, I am a bit perplexed as to why they aren’t being approached or aren’t having their overtures reciprocated, should they decide to make the first move. But I also have to remind myself that there were plenty of girls like them in my generation who were “late bloomers” and most found romance in due course. I’m sure they will, as well.
5 of the 6 weddings I’ve attended in the last 2 years, the couples met online. One couple met in college and they married in their mid 20’s. All the rest were in their early 30’s with advanced degrees. I read the wedding announcements in NYT regularly and about 50% met online including the daughter of Starbuck’s chairman.
This is such an interesting discussion and a complex topic. Hopes and dreams for happy healthy relationships, possible marriages, future grandchildren all twisted in the wish for our young female and male adult children to have the exciting experience of romantic relationship(s). First of all, there’s nothing wrong with being a librarian (female or male) with cats if that life is a choice and the librarian is content with that choice. It’s the librarian with cats who is unhappy with their relationship circumstance that could be problematic for that person.
There are so many factors that make today’s relationship landscape complex. This is by no means a finite list, but some of the issues that I think may be at play, some gleaned from talking with our own daughter who is a rising junior in college.
There seems to be a wide chasm between those young people who hook up for short term sexual pleasure and those who are in committed relationships. The in between kind of old fashioned dating seems to be of lower incidence. And the acceptability of casual sex as recreation seems to be at an all time high with fewer boundaries. It’s more acceptable to be open about sexuality and sexual preferences, and to flip flop among all possible permutations of combinations. This is the world of the current college aged people. Those that want to date without getting into a “committed” relationship and not engaging in casual sex are kind of at a loss. And figuring out who is what and what they are into is far more complicated.
This acceptance of sex for fun and sexual preferences in general is then complicated by all of the sexual assault risks and sexual assault warnings that have come about from the cases that have made the press. I know that our whole family read Missoula before our daughter went to college, and we had a lot of talks about responsible drinking (to our nondrinking daughter) and other risks associated socalizing, giving mixed signals, meaning no when you mean no, etc. No doubt, many of you have had similar discussions with your kids. The unfortunate side effect is a bit of fear and trepidation among boys when approaching girls, or for girls when approached by boys.
Some online dating programs do have the potential of mitigating some of these factors. The fact that a relationship is being sought is implied. Issues of sexual orientation and other factors get washed out (hopefully) in the profile. We know a number of family members and friends who have found great relationships on online.
But most of us want our young adult kids to meet their love interests in the real world if possible. This, I think happens in part by luck and being open (at any age). Often relationships start in the most unexpected ways among college kids. Two people who meet because they both do laundry early on Saturday morning, two students are the only ones in their friend group who eat breakfast in the dining hall, two students who always use nearby carrels in the library at similar times, etc.strike up conversations, find mutual interests, end up going out once, then again, etc. A friendship evolves that becomes exciting in a way that others are not, and that romantic relationship is born. The “dating” as shown in TV and movies aren’t reality, but that might be what some boys and girls are expecting.
I am sure there are many other factors and issues at play.
@DadTwoGirls , you don’t know my kid or her friends so please don’t make judgements about them. It was a lighthearted question, not an invitation to critique my child. She has guy friends now which she never really had until she started college. She’s a shy 18 year old. She smiles and says hello, something she is better at than she used to be, given her natural shyness. Give her, and her friends, a chance.