I don’t mind in the least that my daughter met her boyfriend/probable spouse online, as long as their relationship exists in the real world, which it does. I assumed that the online world consisted primarily of sketchy characters I wouldn’t like, and it probably does, but apparently it also has a decent supply of people who are exactly the sort of people I hoped my daughter would meet. In fact, I think “online” encouraged each of them to step out of their comfort zones a little. My daughter’s boyfriend is an arty, intellectual hipster, like her, but he’s also a former high-school jock who spends more time playing touch football, golf, and competitive tennis than anyone else she knew (before meeting his friends). And she’s an arty, intellectual hipster like him, but a lot more political and engaged with making an impact on the world, and also somewhat more ambitious. Those differences are clearly part of what makes their relationship special to them, and different from what their social circles were like before they got involved.
That’s my wife and I. Except we were using nearby carrels in the library at similar times because I was sort of stalking her. At the time she played dumb, but her letters home, which I read 25 years later, made clear she knew perfectly well what was going on. It still took a long time for us to get together, though.
Meanwhile, as a sign of hope for all of you who fear your serious daughters may never find love: Inspired by this thread, I asked about my future daughter-in-law’s romantic history. Zilch. Nada. Her romantic history effectively began when she was a first-year medical student, almost two years after graduating from college, and she agreed to go out on an explicit date with my son. They had known each other for 5-1/2 years at that point, and had been on lots of group dates. She had known he was interested in her for at least a year (she says) and that she was interested back, and she was wondering if either of them was ever going to do something about it. He had always been interested in her (he says, but there were at least four intervening official girlfriends), yet it took almost six months from the time he told me he wanted to ask her out to when he did it. (I thought they were involved a couple months before they actually were.)
Young men outnumber young women in almost every city. In bars and online dating, single men outnumber single women 2 to 1. If a young woman is single, it’s because dating isn’t important to her or her standards exclude most of the potential dating pool.
Your link doesn’t account for age. More men are born ever year than women. Men tend to die younger. I think about 40 is the cross over point where women start to outnumber men in their age cohort.
Been following the thread but just jumping in now. Just a thought- but is it ‘hard’ to date at some colleges? At a LAC not in a thriving metropolis, where do you go on a ‘date’? Let’s say a cute boy invites you to a basketball game. You get there and you are surrounded by fellow students. Is that a weird scenario for a date? Or you go out to dinner alone. But is that strange because college life is really group oriented? Go to the library to study- does that even qualify as a date?
Maybe it’s difficult to date because of the setting.
^i would consider those all dates - but kids don’t. They “hang out” (doing all those activities listed) then “hook up”. If they keep liking each other after a period of time of hanging out and hooking up - they become exclusive. Which means they are “dating”. Dating means exclusive.
On the armed forces, moving next to a marine corps base could be a solution for the OP’s daughters. According to your best places link, El Paso TX has 27.3% more women, but if you look at the 2010 census, the 20-24 male to female ratio is 107.9. 2016 Federal estimates show that becoming even higher. Could all that be the prison population? Possibly, but the county jail population is 2200, including all ages and genders, in a county of over 800k.
An uncle has remarked not too long ago that from his observations from living/working in the NYC area and hearing from his recent college grad D…young single women definitely outnumber young single men.
Then again, a lot less of them proportionally are dating compared to say 2-3 decades ago because there’s far less social pressure and many more of them are concentrating on building their careers and embracing living the single life.
In college, it is often the “hanging out” situations that lead to a spark that results in an eventual relationship. The rang of activities that might be considered “dates” is pretty broad and only limited by imagination.
I have one daughter still in college who will be a junior. The last thing I’m worried about is if she is dating in college.
One of her roommates from last year is getting married next month at age 20. Really nice girl, great family, fiance seems all good - I personally just feel like “what’s the rush??”
Many years ago, my mother was the first woman to drop out of Harvard Law School. She was perfectly happy when I decided to go to law school, but not at all happy that I enjoyed it and completed it. Thus, when my (then) fiancee also started law school, my mother began working on her to drop out and validate my mother’s own choice.
When my fiancee complained that I had made her cry while editing her moot court brief, my mother graciously sent her a copy of a letter she had written her own mother (my grandmother) in 1952, about how some guy had made her stay up all night rewriting a moot court brief, in the process making her cry. (The guy, by the way, was Derek Bok, future dean of Harvard Law School and president of Harvard among other things.) What was hilarious about the letter, though, was that it turned out the night she stayed up writing her moot court brief was the only night that week that my mother did not go out on a formal date, and she made up for it by double-booking Saturday, with a football game date in the afternoon and a dinner date with a different man at night. Seven dates, seven different guys, not counting Bok (who was already taken). One of them wound up marrying her and becoming my father.
That was probably the apogee of my mother’s dating career. She was 22. She had gone to a women’s college, and while she dated plenty there I doubt she went out seven times a week. Within a month or two of the letter she was exclusive with my father, and they married 18 months later.
It’s hard to imagine a young woman living that kind of life now. It was hard to imagine 40 years ago, for that matter.
“The rang of activities that might be considered “dates” is pretty broad and only limited by imagination.”
In spring 2002, Al Gore came to speak on campus on a Friday evening. My then-boyfriend and I went on a date to his talk! Among its other merits, the event was free.
Wait for what, @IfYouOnlyKnew (and the others who think it’s a good idea for a man to wait until he’s around 30). For a relationship? Or for marriage?
A lot of young couples today spend years in a serious, committed relationship – often, one that involves living together – before they get married. So there are couples getting married at 30 who haven’t been truly single since they were 25 or even younger.
Are those of you who think that 30 is a good age advising your sons to wait to seek out a serious relationship until they’re about 30? Or are you advising them to wait to marry their long-term partners until they’re about 30?
