<p>What would I say? It’s a fine line. DS1 recently ended a very serious relationship and he was quite torn. I’d said nothing during the relationship because I knew they might marry. I didn’t dislike her, but there were a couple of concerns I had. When he was deciding what to do he talked to me and asked for my advice. Even then, I was careful because I didn’t want to put into motion anything that would create bad blood if he got back together with her, etc. But I was honest. I told him what I thought the problem areas were. I’m a marriage therapist and I talked to him the way I’d talk to people in my office – a fairly honest assessment of what he could expect to have as issues, etc. based on what they both brought to the relationship and what they both wanted in the long run. But I said it in a supportive way, always keeping in mind that this woman could someday be the mother of my grandchildren. </p>
<p>I would speak up if I saw that the partner had a terrible relationship with his/her own parent of the opposite sex and warn my kid that those things often replay in marriage. I would speak up if the person didn’t know how to ever put someone else’s needs ahead of his/her own. I would speak for a lot of reasons. Apart from huge red flags such as abuse or addiction, I wouldn’t say, “Don’t marry that person” because that sounds so polarizing, but I would share my concerns. Why wouldn’t I? I love my kids and I have a lot more life experience than they do. I think parents are a safety net – when you have flown without a net from a young age, as I have, you have an appreciation of what it means to have that net. I can’t imagine a time when that safety net is more needed than when a person makes what is arguably the most important decision in life.</p>