<p>“I once had a PTA mom rip a chair out of my hands so she could be the one to carry it.”</p>
<p>That’s estrogen overload if I ever heard it.</p>
<p>Well, reading some of these stories has me thinking. Ever since I came to CC, I have gotten a view of competitive communities (as well as some recent books on the subject). So, lots of what I have read about kids comparing stats and class rank, and even some of their attitudes in posts on CC and things like ranking and prestige and “Ivy or bust” and all that stuff I have seen for years reading posts, I guess it carries over into this discussion now of parents volunteering, praising teachers, donating, etc. Maybe that same competitive stuff I read about in the other areas at your schools/communities carries over into this stuff some of you are writing about here (where praise of a teacher, or volunteering or donating are seen as strings attached or with benefits). </p>
<p>I have to say that our school and community is not a competitive one like I have read about from others on CC who live in such communities or attend those kind of schools or even in books like The Overachievers and the like. And it isn’t like the stories I am reading here. I would never have linked talking to a coach to praise the team or the musical director to praise the show or concert, or volunteering in the classroom, or helping with fundraising as to get my kid anything. I saw it as parental support and involvement for the good of the school. But I guess in some competitive communities, it even permeates parent contact/support/volunteering/donating. All I can say is that while some may not have chosen to live where I do or would say our public schools are not good enough for their kids, I am more thankful the more I have read on CC over the years that my kids were not in a competitive environment. Where my kids were applying to college was not discussed with other kids or parents. Nobody discussed ranks and SAT scores. The parents who are involved in volunteering and other supportive ways tend to be the parents who take an active role in education and value it here. But they don’t do it to obtain a personal benefit from the school but rather do so because the entire school community benefits from parental involvement.</p>
<p>Doubleplay- I know what you are talking about, when my D was in elementary school (maybe age 10 :eek: ) she tried out for a select team- her best friend’s Dad was overheard badmouthing my D for her skills at that sport- their was a limit on spots on the travel team- she was 10!!!</p>
<p>When we switched to the other school (different geographical area) I was blessed every day of her athletic career that she had the blessing of playing where it was about what is best for all the kids- they had multiple level teams in some sports- and no politics. And whilst they had some kids who were on the 3rd team, the varsity team would finish top 10 in the state, so the good teams were good. The little girl whose Dad bad mouthed my D did not play and varsity sports, she lost interest with an over the top Dad, D’s other buds also missed out on that sport as they chose other ECs (arts, etc) as the old area HS would not allow both that sport and artistic ECs!</p>
<p>The good HS had what we fondly termed the “groom a dude” program; money donated did not matter, but the top candidates for Ivy & prestige schools definitely got some major handling. I think I did better for my kids with what I learned in CC, but the GCs were still extremely supportive in getting info out.</p>
<p>Let me say thank goodness for those of you who can afford to donate money to the schools. The reason I take on leadership positions is because I don’t have enough money to give; I can only give my time.</p>
<p>And I don’t think a thing about the donation of the microphones. It makes sense to me that you gave in an area where your child participates – because that’s an area where you are AWARE of a need. And it’s not like you donated them for one year and then snatched them up once you left the school. Your donation benefits your family, sure, but it will benefit many families for years and years.</p>
<p>off topic:</p>
<p>somemom, the ‘groom a dude’ program- I’m laughing. Why am I picturing the ‘dud’ guy from that Mystery Date game in the 70’s, getting all spiffed up?</p>
<p>Anyway, I think it’s great that kids are groomed for college, if it’s handled with some semblance of equality. Even kids who aren’t going to Ivies deserve grooming; maybe they need grooming to get into the flagship U, or to get good scholarships to lower tier schools, or to even get into a lower tier school or any school at all. Our school touts its college advising program, putting a list of all the Ivies our students get into (without exception, they’ve all been football players). Somehow, I don’t think they’d have people lining up to go to this high school if they said, “We pay extra special attention to some students, but some get swept under the carpet. Just depends if you’ve got that something, something.”</p>
<p>Good Lord, I’ve been whining all night. I’ve got to get on with it. Go LSU!!!</p>
<p>OK, back on topic.</p>
<p>Doubleplay, it sounds like the atmosphere at your boys’ schools wasn’t really satisfactory. But wasn’t it a private school? Why did you stick with this school if it was like this and you were not happy with it? The school was a choice, right? I mean you were even paying for it. Here, we have no choice of schools. It is our local public school or go to boarding school out of state (which we would never do nor could ever afford to anyhow). Here we have to work with what we’ve got. I can’t see paying for and choosing a school where you disliked the atmosphere this much. I don’t know your options but it wasn’t like the school was the only game in town or your public school that you had to send your kids to like we do. I would think since you got to CHOOSE your school, unlike us, and you even PAY for it (unlike us …except taxes that is), that if it was this bad of a “climate”, why stay? (if I am mistaken about it being a private school, please forgive me and correct me)</p>
<p>Wow, I don’t think the practice of parents’ donating money has taken hold in our public school district yet. That would really be something to see! Gee, some company could offer matching funds that would be donated to an Abbot district every time some wealthy suburbanite makes a contribution to their child’s school! Oh, the possibilities! </p>
<p>It is sometimes a small consolation, but I do tell myself that it often isn’t a good thing for a child to be given special treatment because of the actions of his parents. A kid can get an inflated idea of his talents and abilities when he always make the team or gets the lead, etc., or he understands what’s happening and therefore feels insecure about whether he is really capable in and of himself–apart from his parent’s brown-nosing efforts.</p>
<p>soozie, I don’t want this post to go on forever about my family… but here are a few reasons… 1. my KIDS liked their schoolmates, their teachers (who were very good); 2. for the most part, the politics didn’t come into play until the end, by which time it would have been really disruptive to switch schools. They had already been playing sports, band, had made great friends, were in government, NHS, clubs, officers/captains, etc. Bad idea to change stripes at that point. </p>
<p>I worked within the school, and toward the end, my kids were unfortunately exposed to some of the more sordid aspects. We bounced around the idea of getting out, but it didn’t happen. They were varsity athletes, and had tight relationships with their teammates. That plays a big part in a high schooler’s life. I don’t know if being male has anything to do with it, but they had developed bonds with friends both guys and girls, and I think starting over wasn’t something that would have been good for them in 11th or 12th grade, if it could be avoided.</p>
<p>TheGFG - believe me, I tried to get matching funds from H’s employer, but they won’t match my donation because it doesn’t fall under the auspices of the general education fund. I was ticked off, because the web site of H’s company doesn’t break down the not-approved areas, except for athletics. I thought since my donation was made to make a purchase that could be utilized by the whole school (any activity held in the auditorium) that it would qualify, but it didn’t. </p>
<p>A couple of years ago, the company matched a donation I made to the music department, and I pointed this out to the matching grant representative. She said that was an oversight, and shouldn’t have been matched. </p>
<p>Also, there are annual limits to matching funds at H’s company, I think around $5,000 per employee. That, plus another $5,000 from a company could make a big dent in an underfunded program, but those rich people donating tens and hundreds of thousands of dollars wouldn’t get the same effect. Frankly, I don’t know that our school district has people donating even in the tens of thousands, but probably a few thousand. The money I donated was founded money I never expected would happen… has to do with some mineral rights my dad’s family has in Louisiana on some land owned. It’s actually kind of funny - while the comparison of money is an overstatement, when I tried to describe it to someone (when I was co-signing for a car loan for my daughter), they said, “Oh, kind of like the Clampetts?” Anyway, the money was found money, so it felt good to be able to donate some to areas that I know would appreciate it. You know what else is nice about donating to schools? You don’t get all those friggin’ snail mail requests for another donation like you do when you donate to other causes (American Cancer Society, Red Cross, Habitat for Humanity, etc.).</p>
<p>The people who donate tens of thousands to our school were independent business owners.</p>
<p>Oh my, about getting requests? All the time. We got a very nice embossed Christmas card from the school. I thought, “how nice” and opened it up. It had one of those addressed donation envelopes in it (just in case). Nothing like the spirit of Christmas.</p>
<p>If anyone else finds money, please send it to my son’s school. We send thank-yous without a second request for money!</p>
<p>doubleplay, I do understand that once the dissatisfying elements came into play it was too late to switch schools. I do think some things you describe may be the private school thing, not sure. But like, nobody here is donating thousands of dollars to our rural public school! We have all sorts of fundraisers that raise small amounts, lol. What happens here is that all the small local businesses get hit up over and over and over again to buy ads or donate to some school group and help sponsor this and that. Our school community is nothing like yours. We also have disadvantaged and low income kids attending our schools. Our family is not. But even if our family is in the upper range at our school, even WE were mostly donating TIME, support, and then like my husband would buy a $50 ad for his business for the musical program, etc. :D</p>
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<p>I know our school has received ‘gifts’ in those amounts from business owners and vendors for projects such as landscaping, new school sign, etc. Some of those donors would have preferred to remain anonymous because they were also donating to school board election candidates… it was reaaaaaly messy around here a couple of years ago. So they didn’t want people to know the amounts of money they were donating and to which causes. I think after this happened, the new school board (all the incumbents were voted out) adopted a policy that requires them to authorize the accepting of donations over a certain amount of money (not sure what it is… perhaps $1000); kind of like a public disclosure requirement so there were no suspicious monies changing hands. Kind of sad, but it had to be done.</p>
<p>Back to “behind the scenes” volunteering–I was reminded of this as I was asked today to help alphabetize the materials for student registration for NEXT year already. It’s such a thankless, boring, no-talent job…but the 5 or so moms who do it have a ball gabbing while we do. Nobody does it for the recognition, of which there is none!</p>
<p>We do it knowing we are freeing up guidance counselors to do more important things for our kids.</p>
<p>Part of the reason I’m so hyper-sensitive to behavior that fails to “keep it moving” at my son’s school is that it is incredibly overcrowded. His particular school is at 178% capacity, so time and space management is a major issue.</p>
<p>Speaking of the fact that often teachers and administrators only hear parents’ complaints, I just had to make a doozy of one. It’s something so unfathomable that never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined I would have to bring a matter like this to a school’s attention. I know I’m a crusader type and pretty conservative, but still!!! I’m thinking of starting a new thread asking what was the most absurd or unbelievable problem/situation you ever tried to resolve at your child’s school. I wish I could share this one, lol.</p>
<p>^^^OK, that was a tease. Please share the story. I never made any requests or lobbied for big changes when my kids were in school, although there were a few times that I inquired about some issues.</p>
<p>Sounds like a great thread idea – but only if you go first.</p>
<p>Yes, please do, I have one too!</p>
<p>Well, it’s odd enough that it would clearly identify my school if other parents from that school read it, but let’s just say it relates to a principal’s unseemly behavior at a pep rally–edit: several pep rallies.</p>