<p>I am so relied that the principal is seeing things the same way so many of us saw the situation! I, too, thought that there was something the school could and should do, but some of the things the boy did were a matter for the police. I still wish the teacher had reported the class incident to the principal rather than just expecting you to deal with it. But with the principal involved, I think the police will be more likely to take action, especially if the boy has a history of harassment that can be documented, as it appears it will be.</p>
<p>“I think the police will be more likely to take action, especially if the boy has a history of harassment that can be documented, as it appears it will be.”</p>
<p>I’m not sure what the middle school will say because my kid didn’t go there, but the mother of my daughter’s best friend, who was his victim in middle school, has said that she would speak to the police if need be or make a written statement. I was taken seriously (so far) by the school, so that’s a step, and I am willing to involve the police if necessary, so we’ll see. Thank you all again.</p>
<p>Excellent! I am glad you have taken the first steps. I also felt you should start with the school and it does sound like they want to help. As well, some things the boy was doing outside of school might have to come under the police. But so far, this is a start. Schools usually have policies about these things in place and so you have to start with that as far as what has taken place AT school. Let us know how the meeting goes. They may be able to advise you as to which situations ought to be brought to police.</p>
<p>May I suggest that for the next few weeks, while this is being dealt with, that you increase security for your daughter? Not in any overt, scary way, but with an eye out to retaliation of some form from the boy or his girl-posse. Accompany her to the mall or the park or wherever. Just casually say ‘oh, I need to go there too or it’s such a nice day, I’ll come along and sit with a book.’ Keep your cellphone charged and at hand. This boy doesn’t sound much like he’d respect any adult – but the police have met that attitude before and know just how to handle it. </p>
<p>It would be natural on your part to feel a sense of relief now that solutions are being offered and attention is being paid. Don’t relax just yet. Go back to the days when your daughter was beginning to feel confidence in her abilities but you were still there, a presence in the background just in case of difficulty. You may find she needs time to regrow that confidence in herself. If she goes to the same school in the fall, she will probably need more support then too. </p>
<p>As for your hubby, why not have him and your daughter take defense classes together? He may be concerned that he wouldn’t know what to do if things got dirty/ugly. Besides, it would show your daughter that dad is taking her situation seriously.</p>
<p>I came to this thread late, but I thought WHOA, this situation is eerily IDENTICAL to one involving my D 2 years ago!! Same ages, same height/weight differential, same type of harassment.</p>
<p>First I called the mom (whom I knew and thought was my friend - what a joke). She was in complete denial, even when the boy came on the other line and called my D a sl-t with the mom listening!</p>
<p>I immediately went to the principal’s office the next morning, laid it all out, and he was very supportive. Schools have a legal duty to protect your child on campus once the harassment is brought to their attention. The boy was prohibited from ever being in the same class as my D. The boy never apologized, and a counselor who spoke with him told me he showed absolutely no remorse.</p>
<p>Schools have no jurisdiction over what happens off campus. So you need to keep copious notes in case you decide to file a police report or bring a civil action for a restraining order.</p>
<p>Most of all, I feel your pain and anguish. I was on my toes for the next 2 years, poised to call the police and have this boy arrested. (It would have given me immense pleasure!) </p>
<p>It was also so confusing because I (and my D) could not understand what prompted it. She had asked his best friend to the formal just before it happened. Then he went crazy. We figured he was either jealous of not being asked by her, or (surprisingly, this made more sense as time passed), he was jealous that he could not go to the formal with his best friend!</p>
<p>Good luck and know your D did nothing to deserve this!</p>
<p>"May I suggest that for the next few weeks, while this is being dealt with, that you increase security for your daughter? Not in any overt, scary way, but with an eye out to retaliation of some form from the boy or his girl-posse. "</p>
<p>This is great advice. The queen bee of the posse lives on our one-way street and has to pass our house every time she leaves hers. This is the girl I’ve posted about whose mother is insane. I wouldn’t be surprised if she (the mother) was pushing her daughter’s AND the boy’s buttons in the background. That’s exactly the kind of thing she would do.</p>
<p>As far as hubby? He is HUGE and well able to defend someone, he’s just totally non-confrontational. Doesn’t understand that sometimes the women in his life need to feel safe.</p>
<p>Zoos: i am glad the principal is being supportive and responsive, but as another poster said, what happens off campus is not within his jurisdiction. We had the exact same situation and the phone calls, pranks etc. You absolutely need to go to the police. It will be up to you (after discussing with them) if you should press charges. With minors, they can make a visit to the homes of all the kids and give a warning. The warnings usually go something like “we are watching your child…” “if anything happens to Zoosgirl, you/your child will be considered a suspect”, etc. For middle school children, this can put a complete halt to the behavior. It may not for the boy, but I bet it will for his female accomplices. </p>
<p>It was the best thing we did. We were living with this sense of fear hanging over us. After we called the police in, everything improved. </p>
<p>One additional suggestion would be to keep a notebook of meetimgs and phone calls, who attended, discussion highlights and actions to be taken, when, by whom. </p>
<p>It concerns me that the school so quickly laid out a plan of their action with you over the phone just based on you reporting your daughters statements. Either they know this kid well or they are making promises a bit too fast. Either way keep your head up and keep things in writing. This will have to go through many channels before you reach a resolution.</p>
<p>Make sure your D knows that you are not sending to her to counseling because she did something wrong or anything to bring this on herself. Most kids this age will make that assumption. </p>
<p>"It concerns me that the school so quickly laid out a plan of their action with you over the phone just based on you reporting your daughters statements. Either they know this kid well or they are making promises a bit too fast. "</p>
<p>I have a suspicion (unconfirmed) that they know this kid. My older daughter (the sister of this one) has a close friend in younger daughter’s school and she actually was the catalyst for us finding out all this because she is aware of it and she has told me that several of the teachers “hate” this boy and have trouble with him. One of the teachers is my daughter’s Global teacher and she mentors my older daughter’s friend, so the friend would know about students with whom she has trouble. The plan of action wasn’t specific, but it was about getting the information from me and making me reassured that this is a serious matter that will receive serious consideration. That’s a start for me. I’m definitely taking notes.</p>
<p>Of course they know this kid, bullies like that are well known, zooserom you are spot on</p>
<p>and if a school wants to they can make things happen, especially if they have a policy about this </p>
<p>good for you, and stick with it</p>
<p>if they have a plan of action, that just means that at this school, or at others in the district they have dealt with this or had contigency plans which is a good thing</p>
<p>I guess the only good thing about him attacking D verbally like that in front of the teacher and others, though it was horrid, was that there is no denial this animal is a threat…and when his parents try and defend him or whatever, there is a reliable adult to verify it for the D, so not just a He Said She Said event</p>
<p>^^ I think so, too. But since some of the behavior was outside school and he may well blame Zoosergirl2 for his expulsion, it is important to get the police involved.</p>
<p>When S was in middle school, he was bullied by one boy. Nothing serious, or lasting, though the principal phoned me about it right away (S hadn’t said a thing). When the boy was 19, he got involved in drugs and illegal weapons. He was shot while sitting in his car, in front of his girlfriend’s house (who had 2-year old child by him). Later on, I heard he’d bullied his way through the high school.</p>
<p>I absolutely agree about getting the police involved. I like to work problems from multiple angles – work with the school, contact the police and practice good personal safety tactics in the meantime. It sounds like you are doing all the right things, zoosermom!</p>
<p>Wow—I just read through this thread. Zoosermom—my heart goes out to you. It sounds like the school is being very supportive…best wishes to you and your D. The therapist should be a lot of help for your D. We’ll all be thinking of you in cyberland—please keep us up to date on your progress. If needed, I bet several of us could band together and come teach that dumba** punk a few things! (No need getting your bare hands involved, the rest of us CC’ers are on it!!!)</p>
<p>Zoosermom: Thank you for following your instincts and contacting the school. This is way beyond bullying and could affect your daughter on so many levels. I agree that the school is probably well-aware of this young man’s tactics and may be working on how to be rid of him once and for all. For the protection of your child, PLEASE insist that she is not left alone even if this bully is removed from school as he will likely want revenge on the person he will believe is responsible for his removal. And if this was my child, I would be making a report to the police. Regardless of whether there is an actionable offense at this time, they will be aware of the complaints and have a record in case he decides to vandalize your property out of revenge or something else happens (and I hope and pray that nothing does). Citygirlsmom gave you a checklist that is very comprehensive and well-thought out…</p>
<p>Please update the forum to let us know how the meeting went…and know that we all support you!</p>
<p>Zoosermom- you must be so relieved that you took the first step to protect your daughter. You bet the school already knows this kid! They were probably very happy to have a reason to take action. Isn’t it scary how many people have posted on this thread that their children have faced similar situations? Many states have recently passed laws against school bullying and harrassment due to 1) lawsuits from parents who felt that their children were not protected, and 2)a few heartbreaking cases involving suicides of the victims. It might be interesting to research your own state’s laws. Good luck and keep us posted!</p>
<p>Zoozermom,
My hypothesis as to why the school says they are going to respond so strongly, so quickly: they have had issues with this kid before, and this marks a disturbing escalation. They are not allowed to tell you about his prior behavioral record at school due to privacy laws, but the way the school is acting swiftly and decisively tells me he has been on their radar for a while, and your D’s coming forward has given the ammo they need.</p>
<p>Glad things are moving in the right direction, and I agree w/ everyone who says document, document, document all phone calls, conversations, etc. with anyone you speak to about this (school, police, attorney, parents of involved parties). Keep on the school to make sure they follow up.</p>