<p>Thought we parents might need this outlet to share. Here’s my first contribution. </p>
<p>D has been complaining in numerous phone calls and texts that her computer won’t work and she needs a Mac. Which is interesting because she loved her Dell 'til she arrived at school and roomie has the 22" screen Mac desktop AND the folder style Mac NB. She can’t get her internet to work on the Dell and says the BS techies who came to her room told her the computer was toast and she needs a Mac. Which is interesting given that (a) computer worked great the day before she left and (b) she let slip that the computer worked down at the IT office, just not in her room. </p>
<p>So her call to us tonight was made in full panic mode. She wanted us to fix the problem for her, which really meant buy her a new Mac and drive it up to her 3.5 hours away, tonight, so she can do her homework. Spouse took the call and handled it great. She wanted the independence of boarding school, and part of that independence is finding someone other than mommy and daddy to help when you have problems you can’t fix yourself. I am proud of spouse and myself for our restraint and calm response to this, her first BS “crisis.”</p>
<p>At a residential summer program my son called me to express his dissatisfaction and I told him to talk to someone there about it. He refused. After a couple days of this he sent a text message threatening to get himself kicked out of the program. At first I started sweating, trying to imagine what horrific thing he might do…the whole “climbing the tower in Austin” thing. And then I laughed because I realized that he had cornered himself with that threat. I texted him back, telling him that he could walk to the office and tell them he was leaving directly and not get in dire trouble OR he could do something stupid with unpredictable results that could possibly just land him in a much less desirable residential program from which there would be no picking up until after the arraignment or physician release, etc. He asked me if I was serious about him being able to go into the office and tell them he was leaving. I replied, “Absolutely,” amazed that he didn’t catch on that he was now thrilled with the option (talking to someone about his dissatisfaction) that he was refusing to embrace for the past several days.</p>
<p>The trick here was to leave the situation in the hands of the experts who could deal with the situation personally…while maintaining the appearance that the parental units back at home were attentive and on-the-job.</p>
<p>I think you’re catching some of that same backwash, laxtaxi. I think these are little tests to ensure that you’re still there. A little tug of the line to ensure that you’re still on the other end. Sending a tug back is okay. Pulling the line back in…not okay. Even hinting that you’ll pull the line back in isn’t okay, because then they’ll test to see where that threshold point is defined.</p>
<p>Turns out my son never did talk to anyone about leaving. Once he had the option and the license from me all of his grousing came to a halt.</p>
<p>If the calls persist, consider offering to have her ship the Dell back home. Give her step-by-step instructions for shipping it to you. Tell her you’ll have the best IT person in your town look at it and fix it (even if you don’t believe it’s in need of repair) and, in a couple weeks, send it back to her as perfect as ever. And, in the meantime, she can use whatever computers the school has in the library or learning center for homework. That will help her appreciate her computer, for sure, while letting her know that you’re still there for her…if she really wants to go to all that trouble.</p>
<p>D’yer Maker, your experience with your S is just right. Thanks for sharing it. </p>
<p>Just now I read an email that arrived last night from D’s advisor saying that the IT folks (actually another student!) flipped a switch or something and her computer works fine, and was even ready for last night’s first study hall. Which means we were receiving frantic phone calls at 7:30 and the computer was working by 8. Funny how we didn’t receive a follow up call or text! The advisor said D had handled it very well at her end, which means that - as is typical - we received the storm while everyone else got the calm.</p>
<p>Chuckling along here… There are times, given the typical topics of calls from goaliegirl, that I think when I see her number on the phone, I should answer “Goaliedad’s PC support and travel agency, please reboot your computer and check you email for your itinerary”.</p>
<p>So you mean I should not have bought the plane ticket to fly out to bring the foam mattress pad?</p>
<p>ps. The IT at our school said similar things about the pc and mac. He said the mac was “ready” to attach to the internet while they had to play with pcs to make them compatable.</p>
Could you fit it in your carry-on? LOL Those baggage fees are getting ridiculous!</p>
<p>I’m laughing because I spent the weekend with goaliegirl packing (we leave tomorrow - her school starts awfully late) and condensing things so the Clampett’s minivan isn’t quite as stuffed. One of those things I discovered is that DW had acquired not only a 2nd memory foam topper for goaliegirl’s bed, but additionally a featherbed topper. I had shrinkwrapped the original foam topper and came across the 2nd and the featherbed topper while looking for things to “condense”. The new foam topper was still pretty well condensed in its original packaging, so no wrapping was required. However, when I pulled out the featherbed topper out of its original zippererd plastic bag, the smell of molting chickens was a bit overwhelming. Fortunately, goaliegirl agreed regarding the smell and agreed that 2 foam toppers would suffice. The featherbed was promptly returned by DW who came home with more stuff… Oh, well.</p>
<p>I’m no parent so I DON’T BELONG!! Haha
Just saying.
But the “playing” with a PC is definitely more of a problem than any Mac. My computer was built by my uncle (because we’re poor and he works at Cornell and gets free/cheapy cheap computer parts) and whether it crashed on me (happened twice), we moved, or we changed internet, it takes a lot of fiddling to fix it. Our Mac was set up and ready to go after the first cable was plugged in; I prefer Windows in general because I grew up with it and know how to manipulate it, but that’s why a Mac would probably be great for any student- less hassle!</p>
<p>We won’t shoot you, but the game warden does require us to throw you back in to the pond. Thanks for that perspective. From my perspective, I kind of get a kick knowing that my kid is suffering and learning to hate Bill Gates honestly. I had to call a computer technical support number this summer and, just for kicks, I told my son what the problem was and gave him the 800 number. He gained a newfound appreciation for his Old Man after that ordeal. Which was nice. But nowhere near as gratifying as watching him get put on hold and having him scream at the tech support person. “That’s my boy!” I thought to myself. I think I even teared up…from laughing.</p>
<p>Saer, we are trying to wean D from the tempting thought that any problem can be fixed by throwing money at it. Macs are more expensive, especially after having spent her own money 1 year ago to buy a laptop to replace the perfectly good one she decided wasn’t “whatever” enough for her.</p>
<p>I don’t think “throwing money” would fix anything… It’s more of a careful application kind of deal. (If you took it literally!)
I’d have a problem with calling my mom, anyways, if I was leaving this year. She’s a lifeline, and my grandma works in the Elementary school next door to my high school… So I’d miss having someone to fix my problems! But that’s the point of boarding school. It’s nice to hear of parents that are kind and supportive yet let their kids work it out, because I hope that’s how my mom reacts, whether its for BS or college!</p>
<p>Lax,
Unfortunately laptops are changing. I remember when many moons ago I had to have the first HP calculator (which cost almost as much as laptops do now). I pumped gas that summer (and gave out Texaco glasses and pitchers for those of you who remember) to buy it.</p>
<p>I guess I like it that d still calls me for help - but like yours, trys to get it done herself. It seems like only yesterday that I let her go into a grocery store by herself to get milk (and I went in afterwards and hid behind the potatoe chips)…</p>
<p>Mailed S computer to the school about 2 weeks for overhaul by their IT wizards. We’re required to purchase the computer via the school with insurance, so either they fix it or replace it.</p>
<p>Here’s one from last year. About a month into school, talking with D on phone and asking how things were…everything’s fine…do you need anything? no…i’m fine…except i really need more pants. Pants? I wondered…I sent you off with 13 pairs of pants. Never mind she says. Husband gets on phone and talks and probes a bit and turns out D has forgotten two weeks in a row to take her laundry bag down to the service. So she is literally down to zero pants…and somehow the solution of me buying some and sending them makes sense to her.</p>
<p>I reminded her of quarters and detergent I got for her up there, so she could get caught up.</p>
<p>MomtoanUndecided, I would have reminded my son that he can wear the pants in his hamper (i.e., strewn across the floor). Underwear, too, for that matter. THEN, with the immediate crisis resolved (suitably for a guy) I would have suggested some laundry options.</p>
<p>Sorry, not a parent here too. I just like the intersting stories that come up. :)</p>
<p>I have a quick question, that seems to be sort-of on topic. (Don’t shoot me if it isn’t. :)) Do students from all backgrounds and walks of life seem to act the same way their first week of boarding school, or is it just the students that have a bit more money that test the waters with their parents? </p>
<p>I know a lot of students in my area who, if they were to attend boarding school, would never dare ask their parents for a Mac due to financial standing, but knowing myself, I might just test the waters to see, (I’m applying this year for junior year.), although I do come from a low income house.</p>
<p>SImply stated would we all react the same, or would it primarily be the students who are use to getting what they want more often.</p>
<p>DISCLAIMER: Sorry if this post holds a lot of negative connotations for higher income students. I’m not trying to make it appear that way. It’s hard to phrase it differently.</p>
<p>I don’t think it necessarily filters out between kids who have money and kids who don’t – some kids are naturally more independent, some parents are naturally less helpful. Some kids have been told not to call home with any issues, some kids have been encouraged to call home at the least provocation.</p>
<p>I have known many wealthly, highly independent kids – and many low-income, very dependent kids. I think it has more to do with the parent/child relationship than it has to do with money.</p>
<p>Keep in mind that many of these calls are more to vent frustration than to demand a solution.</p>
<p>…and some kids may feel like they must keep up appearances with their peers, acting more independent than they really feel. “O, I’m not calling mommy because I miss her. I need her to do something for me.”</p>
<p>About laundry, I’m sure my son won’t call, he’ll just go through and wear the pant that smell the least!!! </p>
<p>He did call last night (we dropped him off yesterday and I got to meet baseballmom very briefly, that was fun!) to see where we put his hamper. Hubby wanted to know why he had a pop up hamper AND a school laundry bag. (Answer: he wanted it…??? My guess is so that when he forgets to send clothes to the laundry they are not as smelly). LOL</p>