@cinnamon1212 “OK, but why are you assuming the school’s average kid is not getting homework done in 4 hours or less?” I’m not — I am not sure what you even mean here.
I wonder if we are all confusing “can” and “should.” 4 hours of daily homework is a lot. Yes, kids can do it. Yes, most posters here think that’s part and parcel of boarding school life. (Or, some version of “it is what it is,” or, “it won’t change, so look at other, less demanding schools.”)
Should it be?
I say no. I think a better balance can and should be achieved. I get the implicit sense from many posters that, since their child(ren) “could” do it, then things “should” be the way they are. Yet I still hear no reasons for why things “should” be this way in the first place.
I don’t think reading outside of class during the school year is a good litmus test for how much of a grind a particular school is. I doubt you would find many teenagers anywhere making time for pleasure reading - most would choose not to engage in something so solitary and focused as reading.
Maybe ask about Netflix, Disney’s new streaming service, You Tube videos, Spotify and video games. On top of social media. And D&D/gaming is making a serious comeback. Plus, there are outdoor activities and school-organized events. Or, they could geek out (like mine is this weekend) building a computer with friends, or whatever the kid’s particular flavor of geekiness is. Reading a book for fun is the last thing my kid would do with his spare time - and he is definitely one of the more relaxed at his school.
I would say that the school is a “grind” if the students predominantly have to use their spare weekend time on homework. Not just the uber type A kids, but most kids. Weekends are pretty much the only discretionary time bs students have. If it all goes to studying, that’s a huge warning sign.
That is a good point about the actual uses of free time by high schoolers. If you haven’t already had kids go thru it, you might think they will utilize their free time engaged in community service or becoming state debate champion or becoming politically involved, but few do so during the school year. Netflix, and for boys, video games.
But you are assuming again. What makes you think this is the case?
When you are considering high school in a year or two, if you still feel this way, then an acronym school is not for you. I wouldn’t be surprised if your views changed, though, on a closer look at these schools.
There are many good choices out there, and I am sure you will find a great fit for your son when the time comes.
An achievement-oriented kid, even in public school, has no free time these days. And lots of homework. In fact, I bet my kid nets more free time at bs, because his schedule is so well organized. Lps kids are left to their own organizational devices a lot more.
Kiddo chooses to fill his spare time with additional projects, often opportunities he wouldn’t have at our lps. So to the extent he is over scheduled, it is his fault. Same goes for kids who over-study or study inefficiently. I don’t see it as the school putting the pressure on the kids to study. It is families and peer pressure. And how the kids are innately wired. I would rather my kid figure out how to self-monitor now than in college.
And personally, I think the healthiest thing bs does is require afternoon sports. It combats depression, keeps the brain and body healthy, is a welcome break from studying, is social, and reinforces that physical activity is something everyone can do.
@CateCAParent I strongly agree. Not just for athletic kids. I vividly remember a boy who came from the Palestinian territories talking about how much he loved thirds hockey. He said he had never seen an ice rink, or skated, so it was a mindblowing experience for him.
Extraordinary experiences aside, physical activity is good for everyone, for so many reasons.
A few things:
My daughter chose BS because she wanted to be academically challenged for the first time in her life. I’d even say she craved it. I am not sure how a teacher can stimulate a mind like hers without significant out of class work. Either reading, English/bio, problem sets in math, learning vocab in languages, writing tons of papers. She was unhappy in math because even at BS it was going too slowly. She wants the super fast paced academics, I think it’s exhilarating for her. Where I think she misses out is that because she’s only 14 she doesn’t get that she’s missing out on work/life balance and that she’s not getting to try other activities because of sports and academics. But again, she’s 14, she only listens to me so much.
The homework has settled down a bit or maybe she’s gotten used to it. I Still wish there was less. She seems perfectly fine. She did not have a time management issue as so so so many people suggested. Rather the posters who said “yes the first month is crazy but it does chill a bit” were correct.
I’m ok with the sports requirement but I think more(all) schools should give waivers for kids who play a high level club sport outside of school. One season off to play on a nationally ranked team should be ok.
Absolutely! Two seasons for the school, one season for your sport to actually get better. Playing thirds whatever so you can go to club practice isn’t really
Contributing to the school is it?
But getting a bit debate-y. To all: State your point, defend once if needed, and then move on. Threads that devolve into conversations between 2-3 members are best handles via PM.
@CateCAParent You make an excellent point: certain public school kids are working themselves to the bone and that small subset of kids might actually be doing less in boarding school. In that sense, we have a larger societal issue here. (The Palo Alto suicide cluster is one example.) Perhaps the solution is for colleges to go the Oxbridge route, where extracurriculars of any sort are largely irrelevant for university admissions.
Teenagers should not be constantly working. I thought that statement was axiomatic, but it is apparently a minority view on this board.
I think no one is arguing the “could vs. should” because not many here feel there is a problem to be solved. At least, I don’t. Our son probably didn’t have 30 minutes of free time in a day because, on top of academics, he was a rower and he was the founder/leader of a club that required a lot not non-club hours. He absolutely loved his time in this environment at this pace, so I never saw a problem with it even if he always slept the first three days of every break. Eh. They’re young. It got worse at the academy which was structured, on purpose, to ensure that no student could do it all; they were teaching not only time management but how to determine which things to jettison. And, he was also awakened in the middle of the night many times for drug testing. Sleep is not valued in the military, but I digress.
I agree with the comment above that you should look carefully at the schools you are considering and find those that align best with what you feel is optimal. You will never change the cultures at those schools you might view as grinds or not doing what they “should” in your opinion. There ARE schools that will better satisfy the balance you are looking for and you will find them as you research. But I also feel that no school is trying to be an unreasonable grind. They all care for the health and well-being of their students, so you are really trying to find those schools that attract a population of students/families that share your values. The schools really aren’t the issue.
Well, no, it is pretty constant from what I am hearing, in terms of both classes, studying/homework and structured sports/activities. If you can provide some helpful detail about how this is not constant but, rather, intermittent, I would like to hear it.
@ChoatieMom I agree with you: the cultures of the grind schools will not change anytime soon. But institutions like this do change over time, and I would not be dismissive of the possibility that life balance and social-emotional learning plays a greater part in at least some of these schools’ cultures a generation from now. Some of the folks I know say that, while they were busy there, so-called acronym schools were not as much of a grind a generation ago as they are now. To the extent that’s true — and I don’t know if it is — these schools have changed and will continue to do so, in one direction or another.
@pincite, I think you are right to be thinking about your child’s overall experience because it absolutely will differ depending on where that happens.
While homework is a part of this, it may not be as big as the overall culture/ethos. There are schools with competition in their DNA, and kids may feel compelled to outperform their classmates. Others are very collaborative. Some kids might be energized by the competition, others might feel that collaborative work was a kind of socializing.
The kind of homework may matter to your kid. My son had a teacher who spoke quite persuasively about the privilege of being asked for your opinion, and I think that the kids saw writing essays as that "privilege ", and the follow up reinforced that someone really cared about what they thought. That kind of homework seemed not to be pure drudgery for my kid. But perhaps it would to the kid who really just wanted to build robots. So how kids can choose where they put their effort might make a huge difference.
I also think that the way in which kids can fit so many things into their schedule (no need to choose between chorale and varsity sports) fills the day. Simply because the school offers it doesn’t make it school work. If your kid hates sports, though, you might want to find a school that has other ways than teams to fill that group/physical activity space.
I would add that because of the way vacations work and the general desire to cover all the basic material and then a lot more, most BS are getting through much more material in a shorter period of time. That does create its own dynamic and homework is a part of that so at some level, this is likely to be a bit of the price you pay for fewer days in school and longer breaks.
So in a nutshell, while you may want to ask tour guides and AOs about homework, I would dig a little deeper on the dynamics around it.
More importantly, the schools will not change in time to benefit your child, who appears to already be in middle school. Perhaps someday there will be a different college process, or less competitive society, but such changes are not imminent, and require more than the schools’ participation.