PS those kids prepping over the summer – they could be great, but more likely they are one dimensional, anxiety ridden, unresilient kids. And – they may get into the Ivy League. So what? It’s a marathon. Your kid reading the book on the beach may be more educated, with great social skills, and who ends up outperforming the summer prepper in their career. Or not. But don’t worry about that, because your kid will be fine.
For everyone worrying about this, most colleges don’t care much about freshman grades. Especially at these schools where there is a clear transition into a new school with new expectations and a different academic milieu.
So while that p/f option might lift some anxiety, it generally isn’t going to have an impact on where they go to college. This is not something to sweat as much as something to learn to manage.
When my kid headed off to college, he already understood the importance of balancing his academic load between classes that played to his strengths and ones which did not, as well as ones that had a mix of intellectual exercises (library research vs reading vs problem sets.) You can guess how he learned what he needed - hint: it involved a stressful year with ho-hum grades.
Agree with this post about not worrying with comparisons and also the irrelevance of APs.
Mother of two - both attended what is considered a well-known, rigorous boarding school. ZERO AP tests between them. Happy they didn’t have to deal with them on their educational journey (nor summer prep/classes - they had much more enjoyable, interesting, life altering things to do during the summer months).
God, the studying over the summer thing just compounds the problem. But there can be good reasons for a student to do it, too. No good answer.
Point of comparison- in our public high school it is common practice for the top students to have tutors- to stay ahead. There are local, school-sanctioned private tutors who have the text books and the syllabus, and tutor two weeks ahead of where the class is. At Kiddo’s school there are a number of stress-monster kids that are doing this, just all on their own. No one is telling them to do it. Besides their parents, maybe. No doubt, the kids are sacrificing a lot Emotionally, time-wise, and socially to perform academically like that. Makes me sad.
The math class selection is definitely limited by the size of the school. Simplifying it somewhat, at Cate (280 students), there are two basic tracks- honors (problem-based like Exeter) and regular. It can well be that the problem-based calculus class is the best option for a sophomore who breezes through homework and a senior who methodically and competently slogs through it. Not sure how many sections of that particular math class they have (my guess is two at most), but not enough to have many pacing options.
I don’t see many people worrying about grades or college placement so I think all the people telling us to calm down and our kids will get into college just fine are missing the point. I am not worried about college. My kid has other things going for her, she doesn’t need a 4.5 GPA and perfect SATs to get into college. She also doesn’t need to go to Harvard.
What some people are saying is that maybe 6 hours of homework a night is too much and that maybe schools should do some research as @CaliMex described and actually DEAL with the amount of homework kids are doing instead of shrugging and saying “ehh, there’s really no way we can control that.” My kid is a day student so I CAN control it. If my kid was a boarding student and that was the attitude of the Deans, I would be annoyed. Sure, kids need to learn to self regulate but saying that ability should be fully formed at 14 is akin to saying that a newborn should self-sooth.
I also think, as I said before, that people don’t really understand the issue of repeats. It is not because we are comparing our kids to them! The issue I have with repeats is that what is developmentally appropriate for a 14 year old and for a 16 year old is vastly different. Those two years contain a lot of development so if a school drifts to the 15/16 year old standard that is going to be very very hard on the 14 year old. Plus hey, my 14 year old is playing against 19/20 year olds and that is a bit crazy.
Lastly, kind of funny that the topic of summer prep just came up. I was told several weeks ago that was the best thing for my kid to do. Her situation is different and it was presented to me as a means of taking the pressure off of her during the school year so that she would be better able to balance school and sports. I am actually strongly considering it and I think that when you are using it to relieve pressure during the school year, as opposed to jump ahead or get an A++, it may be a great solution for athletes.
I agree with this, I was aware there were repeats but I assumed it was mostly kids who were on the younger side of the grade at their previous school and since BS skews older to begin with it made sense to even things out so to speak. Alas, a fair number of the repeaters were kids who were old for the grade to begin with, and they are 16 in the fall of 9th grade. Which is a huge age difference (my older kid started 9th grade at 13, thankfully not at a BS) that impacts not just academics and sports but also the social scene, and not necessarily in a good way.
As for summer school being a great solution for athletes, I think it is sport dependent, but there are a lot of good college camps and showcases over the summer, which I think are a priority for most of the athletes with college sports aspirations. Lots of the regular college prospect days are on weekends and getting away from the BS for them is a challenge, so doing as much of that work over the summer as possible makes more sense than trying to jam in summer school. Also, my kids have always been fried by the time June exams rolled around. But both have friends who have been eager to attend academic camps every summer, so for some kids it is likely a great option.
Not to be counterproductive (or disagreeable) but my junior daughter’s coach has said multiple times that this is not true and that all grades matter. He teaches at an elite prep school in NE so it makes me wonder. He has coached and taught at that school for 30 years so he does have a fair amount of knowledge and seen a lot of kids go through the doors.
If your child is doing 6 hours of homework a night, it is very likely something is going on that needs fixing. It might be something about the school or it might be something about the kid. In any case it absolutely makes sense to figure out what’s going on. Was your daughter’s advisor helpful?
As for playing soccer – that’s high school. They all play mixed age, and for boys the difference between a 9th grader and a senior are even bigger than with girls. The surprise, for lack of a better word, sounds like it’s all new to you, as it in fact is! But in 6 months it will feel like the new normal.
It sounds like doing some academics over the summer might be perfect for your daughter-- in her case it might reduce stress. If that’s so, go for it! No one path works for every child, and I hope I didn’t sound like I thought that. Each kid has to figure out their own path (with parental help).
I will bet that this time next year you will look back and see how much of what you and your daughter are going through is just the transition to boarding school. By the spring, your daughter will have figured out what works for her (possibly with your and the school’s help).
This was from me, not @Sue22 (although we often agree!) and is the counsel of the BS my kid attended. It is why the kids are urged to find their “level” freshman year by aiming high and seeing how that feels and making adjustments from there. A miscalculation freshman year doesn’t seem to be a problem when it’s used to learn how to learn. Nobody seems to be coming back to tell them they are wrong and that they should advise the kids differently.
All 4 years of GPA may matter for a recruited athlete; for regular applicants some schools drop the 9th grade grades and recalculate the GPA without them. Emory is one that I know does this, they talk about it in their admissions presentation.
I took the 6 hours from another parents post. Mine is not doing that much but reports that some peers are. Additionally reports from friends at other schools (not our Andover friend) including PHS is that much homework at least a couple times a week.
I have to agree to disagree with you about sports. I think a 4 year span is doable for some talented athletes but a 6 year span is pushing it for me.
I hope you are right about the rest, but I also hope that I can get the school to possibly put some better systems in place around sleep. I’m not happy with just getting used to it and making due. I’d rather try to work towards improvement.
@dogsmama1997 - does your student’s BS have a set study hall period and location on school nights? Do you find that the study environment works well for your kiddo? There are differences between schools - especially for 9th-10th it seems. Some schools have study halls with faculty tutors or peer tutors available. Some allow library hours. Others have students study in their rooms.
@Golfgr8 yes, they do have study hall and she likes the structure of it so often stays and comes home after her work is done.
It may be time to also reassess your commitment to soccer. Our school had one D1 female soccer recruit, who eventually turned pro. By 9th grade, it was clear to all that she was being recruited, and that others were not. Most still stayed on the team for fun, but it wasn’t so pressured.
The school the OP’s child attends has a boarding rate of close to 90%. Take out the faculty kids and number of kids commuting is quite small. I’ve known a few kids who commuted and it wasn’t always easy. A couple switched to boarding by senior year. Even in earlier years their parents were picking them up after 10 or letting them stay over in the days students’ overnight room. What that means is that the OP’s child has an hour a day in the car most of her peers don’t. It’s possible to structure that time in a way that it doesn’t become a time sink but it has to be done mindfully. Unfortunately the OP’s child can’t study well in the car because she gets carsick. One of my kids turned down a local prep school for one where she boarded in part because she knew she’d have that exact issue.
The OP’s child is at a school small enough so that it doesn’t have many 3rds teams, but at some schools playing on varsity when most of one’s peers are playing on 3rds makes a difference. Varsity teams often travel further distances, have more Saturday games and are much more likely to be involved in post-season play. JV’s are somewhere in between but often travel with the varsity team.
OP ‘s D was a recruit for her BS’ team and is an impact player as a freshman. And BS requires kids to play sports
So @roycroftmom , while your point is well taken and would apply to most kids, rethinking sport isn’t really an option here.
Plus, there’s more to sports than ending up being a D1 (or even DIII) recruited athlete. It’s a mental break, a physical outlet, and an opportunity for athletes at every level to mix with different kids than may be in their classes and enjoy all the benefits of playing a sport. (DS was sidelined with an injury for < 2 weeks and it was detrimental to his routine, sleep, and well-being.)
The commuting time would make things more difficult than for other students. DS was just commenting last weekend about how he had no idea how or when he did homework in middle school, between commuting, having a much less regular schedule, and getting home from practices after 9 pm. And, besides the actual driving time, there’s additional “transition” time in packing up, waiting, getting home, interacting, etc. I feel for the OP and her daughter and hope that things settle in to a more manageable routine.
Only one of my kids found the benefits you cite in athletics. It was required, so both my kids participated, but for one it was a just another source of additional stress and I wish I had demanded a switch to a less time consuming sport. Regardless, as a recruited athlete OP is likely stuck,but would face the same age gap in most public and private schools. One of my kids had a 6 year age gap in her math class.
Kids that play at that high a level are intrinsically motivated. They just don’t get to be that good without the internal drive. It’s not something parents can create or make them do. They have to want it.
Sports are a massive time suck even if you are not being recruited. If you are an athlete odds are pretty high you’ll land on JV even for your ‘fun’ sport season and at least at our school it has been pretty much identical time commitment to what varsity has. I think there was just one game that was varsity-only, otherwise they play in the same place at the same time. They travel quite far even on Wednesdays, which my kid hates with a passion because it means missing club time and often also dinner time, they barely come back in time for study hall hours. Totally understand why so many kids drop a sport and do the strength training instead outside of their main sport season after 9th grade, because it is just a pain. Here even the thirds teams have quite a lot of games, it is the kids who do the intramural fun stuff who won the time lottery. Two practices a week, no travel. So much extra time to do homework or whatever else you like.