Otoh, this is a good reference point for kids who think they want to play in college. Many who are good enough to be recruited recognize that they are so relieved to get all that time back at the end of the season that realistically, college sports aren’t going to be a great fit for them. So much better to know that before you’ve selected your college based on that sports team!
Others, of course, are only “whole” when they are playing…
I wonder if freshman year grades are more important for athletes who are frequently recruited as juniors and some even earlier? There are fewer grades to assess at that point so maybe freshman year counts more as part of the athlete’s whole profile? I don’t know as my two are not in sports that recruit, but this seems possible.
Yes, colleges make offers before or early in the junior year. The dates when D1 coaches can make contact differs by sport, but current juniors are committing now. DIII schools typically make offers the summer after junior year (at least for DS’s sport) but are less restricted than DI. Kids are expected to apply ED. So yes, all grades are important.
Go ahead and point it out to the administration but these institutions, although they do change, don’t change quickly. It could take years to implement meaningful change. If you are still having issues with this next Spring, you might want to assess if this is the right environment fit for your daughter/family.
Are there really 20 year olds on your daughter’s team/competing teams? There were no 20 year olds in my kids’ graduating classes. Maybe a few 19 year olds by graduation.
And as another poster remarked, this is more of a factor for boys who tend to mature later. The difference between a 14 year old and 18 year old boy is much larger than the same aged girls.
“there are a lot of good college camps and showcases over the summer, which I think are a priority for most of the athletes with college sports aspirations. Lots of the regular college prospect days are on weekends and getting away from the BS for them is a challenge, so doing as much of that work over the summer as possible makes more sense than trying to jam in summer school. Also, my kids have always been fried by the time June exams rolled around.”
This is my experience, especially with soccer and summers. Yes, to academic burnout. I think it is healthier for most teens to focus summer energies on other activities including reading for fun.
As far as day students go, commuting is definitely a disadvantage but day students have many advantages that boarders don’t. I remember one report from years back (can’t remember if it was PEA or PA) that indicated that day students had a higher average GPA than boarders.
I’m lurking on this thread and I have to admit I’m terrified for my daughter to apply now! Her school is already pretty rigorous but she’s not the most organized kid so time management can be an issue. However, I truly think BS is where she belongs.
Is anyone’s kid having difficulty mentally going from being the smartest kid in MS to an average BS student? I worry about that part a lot especially freshman year.
They have to adjust to it at some time…college, grad school, summer program. The sooner the better, I thought
That’s normal; most adapt and adjust expectations. And as pointed out above, if they don’t feel that way in HS, they will certainly feel that way in college.
My kids were both the smartest in their old schools. And not in a bragging way, but it was clear to everyone. They both adjusted to this just fine. I was actually surprised by the way this part was no big deal at all. I think they both knew going into the process that one of the points of going to an elite school was to no longer be the smartest kid. In fact, I am pretty sure for my daughter that was a primary motivation. Being the smartest kid, especially as a girl, can be exhausting. She felt a lot of pressure to always be perfect. Everyone expected her to do everything right, get everything right, have perfect scores, etc. For her, she just wanted to be around other kids who were as smart and smarter than she was. She was the only kid in years, maybe ever, to be admitted from her old school into her prep school. When I asked her about her perfectionism freshman year her answer was “oh I got over that the first week, it just doesn’t work here.”
BUT I am not the kind of mom who always tells my kids they are the best. I have always always always told them they will never be the smartest, prettiest, richest, best at anything and that they need to make sure they are doing x,y,z because they truly LOVE it and not to be the “best.” SO maybe mine were set up to expect the eventual “not the smartest anymore.”
I think you have to really know your kid to know how important it is for your kid to be the “best” at something - or everything. For some kids, this is a huge part of their identity. For others, it matters very little.
While your kid might be the best at a lot of things back home, chances are high that your kid might not be the best at anything at BS. Big fish, small pond and all of that.
Sometimes parents on here are asked whether their child will be an impact athlete at BS as a 9th grader. For kids for whom it is important to be the “best” a something, this is something you might want to ask yourself about related to music, theater, academics, etc. at any particular school.
@KellyJoe I do think that this is an important point. Not all kids do adjust or decide they want to be a small fish in a big pond. I have been pretty open in prior threads about our experience with our daughter who ultimately decided that she preferred to be a big fish in a small pond. Prior to her attending BS I would have thought this would not be an issue - but we were wrong. We were also not the type of parents who told our kids how great and special they were daily in our actions or words.
However, our daughter received that messaging in many other forms. She was grade skipped, as she was always ahead in school, she played up a year on a competitive traveling soccer team that routinely went undefeated, regularly got solo’s in her performing choir group and was generally recognized as a hard worker by teachers and coaches. She loved the idea of finding more like minded peers in her competitive BS.
Long story short- it was a disaster from day 1. She tried on and off for 2 years to adjust her expectations, but ultimately decided she preferred to be the big fish in LPS. She did not apply to any highly selective colleges, as she knew she was not interested in going down that path again. Since that time she grew up, transferred to a top 20 university and will graduate in December with a job offer in hand in a field she is excited about with a company she loves.
Looking back now on the decision to allow her to attend BS, we should have been a little more focused on the qualities that ultimately made her a poor fit for an Uber competing BS as a 13 year old. These included her perfectionism, need for control, concern about pleasing others, need to be seen as perfect by teachers and peers (socially, academically, appearance etc…) and her extreme competitiveness with herself and others. If we had been a little more concerned with helping her mature and develop new skills to deal with the emotional issues noted above and less concerned with the other stuff, her teen years would have been a much smoother ride. So, it is a valid concern to consider how your daughter will do. Side note- our other 3 all graduated from the same BS and each dealt with the reality that they were no longer the smartest in their own more positive ways.
@vegas1 hindsight is 20-20, isn’t it?!
I love @vegas1 ‘s post above. I think this is what makes the whole process for parents so difficult.
I think you have to ask yourself honestly what makes your kid tick and who they are, yet at the same time recognize that parts of your kid’s self may not be evident until they are in certain settings. But you also have to ask yourself how your kid might change in the next 4 years, and it is possible that the school that isn’t the best fit as a 9th grader might actually be the best fit as a senior, where as the best fit as a 9th grader might not be right later.
It is not just about not being the best. 50% of the kids at any school will be in the bottom half of their class academically. How would your kid handle that? Perhaps your kid thinks that will not be them. Do you have the objective evidence to predict this is unlikely to be the case? All of these are hard things to answer.
The looking for a BS process is really an intense one for that reason. Once you know what makes your kid tick and what you think they need to thrive, you have to uncover the nuances between the different schools and figure out what they have to offer and what might be the right fit. And that too is tough. I will say there were schools that we looked at that I knew were not the right schools for my kid. But figuring it out wasn’t necessarily easy.
But don’t let this concern you either. The bottom 50% of these pools is still an extremely well-educated and polished group and do very well with the colleges they eventually apply to. Perspective is important.
I think it’s tough to accurately gauge how big of a challenge homework will be or where your 9th/10th grader will fall academically this early on in their 1st year. Presumably students study skills are improving as they go and if the school is a good fit, their confidence will likely increase as well once they become familiar with routines and find their people. Some schools have a bit of a boot camp thing happening 1st semester too as they are setting expectations and how high this bar feels to each student will vary. However tons of students wobble freshman year and go on to rule the school. Both Chimneykids entered their BSs solidly middle of the pack and graduated in the top 10% with multiple leadership positions. Their BSs, while more rigorous, were much better academic fits for them as learners. If your child is moving from cookie cutter fill in the blank public schools, small discussion based classes that rely on your having completed the homework is a big adjustment but that does not mean that the 4-5 hrs of homework won’t become very manageable as they rise to the challenge. I would suggest parents be patient the first year because you may be very surprised how much growth can occur during this adjustment period.
However, you do need to know your child. Our oldest was a busy athlete prior to BS, and extremely disciplined/efficient. She did the bulk of her homework during the school day and rarely had late nights at BS even though she reported that her BS gave 4-5 hrs homework per night (classes did not meet everyday though and the school was thoughtful about pacing etc) Her BS homework load was similar to her current college load.
Our younger daughter is a senior this year at a tiny BS where the homework load seems much lighter and while she may have thrived at her sister’s BS in many ways, we knew the homework load and competing for honor classes etc would not have worked for her. Her school has no honors or AP classes and while this was a concern to me at first re college admissions, it turns out it is a bonus because if no one in your school takes APs, colleges can’t hold it against you if you don’t have any! She has been able to tailor her classes to her interests while still meeting all the required benchmarks. Her teachers have really focused on her talents and interests and challenged her as an individual which works beautifully for her.
I recommend prospective parents read the fine print and lay out or at least eye ball 4 years of possible classes and ECs as part of the decision process. I know when I was a student at Taft many moons ago rehearsals were during study hall so that students could play required sports in the afternoon. In theory this sounds great - you can do both! But in practice as a theater kid it was extremely challenging for me. I was an inefficient student who frequently had a lot of rehearsal time and ended up sick and exhausted. Our older daughter’s BS has just 2 semesters which is a huge advantage for lots of students but may be very challenging for a small subset of kids.
I will second what @chemmchimney stated above @ prospective parents checking out the homework- study hall- situations. We did that, thanks to wise parents here on CC a few years ago. This is not only true for student athletes who may be expecting to juggle both team and club/travel commitments with homework’s, but also for you performing artists out there in CC land! Kiddo was an athlete and was very strong in a PA. Something had to give. You may have to make choices early on and prioritize your EC’s and/or Arts commitments for homework. We spoke with students at each school during our visits, spoke with parents, and CC folks about the reality of finding a balance. It’s different for everyone, but think about pacing yourself and finding the school that will work with you on it.
@vegas1 great post. I feel like that is going to the discussion taking place in our house very soon. Kid #2 toured alphabet soup/big name school and loved it. I’m wondering if it’s just to torture us 
But honestly, our second kid has some of the perfectionist traits and I think the grind would become a factor ( esp as an athlete). The school naturally gave us a wonderful tour guide ( national level athlete in my kids sport, loved Math, neuroscience and was super personable and the coach “stopped by”) And of course the coach was an Olympian. Oh brother. And everyone was just so nice.
Kid will apply to a couple of schools. All of these schools are tough to get into ( though I expect the sibling school is much easier) and you don’t have an acceptance until everything is in writing but I am hoping that my kid doesn’t want to follow the tough path for the wrong reasons. My oldest did and it made the decision process really difficult for all.
We are really into balance and the kids are ALWAYS trying to balance school, sports and EC’s. It’s getting more difficult all the time.
@417WHB Yep, sports take at least 10-hours per week. Not to mention kids are tired and then have to do homework.
On the flip side, serious varsity athletes always have a big time commitment to their sport whether they’re at boarding school or the local public high school. Most kids entering high school experience a bit of culture shock in that it’s a new school and the work is usually much harder than middle school, particularly if the student is taking honors or AP courses. The transition to prep school is just compounded by the fact that many of the kids are away from home for the first time and they’re all with a whole new peer group, a peer group composed largely of highly accomplished kids.
I attended a highly competitive local day school, and although I was a NMSF I never felt smart. I just had too many peers who were smarter. It was also hard to feel talented when the guy beside you in the play became a successful professional actor, the editor of the school newspaper became a professional journalist, the woman you were debating in history class became an author and historian with degrees from Harvard and Stanford and a list of academic prizes on Wikipedia half a page long, and your French table buddy’s first job out of college was translating for the UN. These were my actual classmates in a class of fewer than 90 students.
In my case it may have been a good thing to have this kind of peer group. I was a lazy student, so I probably would have been a B student anywhere but at this school I had to work for my Bs and I had great college offers. I ended up choosing the least competitive/highest admit rate school and that did wonders for me. It was still a very strong school in terms of academics but I felt like I could finally excel and take on some leadership positions. I ended up at an Ivy League graduate school.
I guess the bottom line is that you have to know your child and what they can handle.
We asked our kid flat out how he’d feel if he was a small fish in a big pond.
We also told him he was unlikely to be a big fish at any school – and that’s important for everyone to remember. Even at the BS that aren’t the big names, your classmates may include winners in international math contests, kids who have extensive IMdB profiles, kids who are at the top in their state in music, sport, etc.
His answer suggested that many schools for which he had the stats (98 SSAT) were not actually going to be great fits. He liked a challenge but also a far less competitive environment than many offered. Just because a kid can do it doesn’t mean they should!
Lots of references here to athletes and time commitments but remember that many students have ECs that are huge time sucks, some of whom are also athletes as well - musicians, dances, robotics, actors, those with talents in the fine arts, etc. can easily put 10 or more hours into their craft as well plus mandatory athletic commitments.
[quote=“mairlodi, post:140, topic:2066865”]
As a former teacher (at a BS, many years ago), I disagree with your child. I feel that for a math class to be the right level for a kid, the student needs to have learned the prerequisite material but the pace of the class also has to be right for the kid. If a kid is spending 20 min on HW daily, the pace of the class is probably too slow for that kid, and if a kid is spending 2 hours on daily HW, the pace of the class is probably too fast for that kid, and they need more time to reinforce the material. They all might have had similar knowledge levels coming into the class, but that doesn’t make this class the most optimal class for all of these kids. It may, though, be the most optimal class the school has to offer for all those kids.
In my ideal world, there would be enough math and science class options to take into account prior knowledge and experience, along with needed pace. Some kids with little to no prior experience can do a challenging class with a fast pace, where as other kids even with prior experience may not be able to handle the same class.
@CateCAParent - catching up on this HW thread here: I would guess that the size of school plays a role vis a vis the availability and progression of courses, class placement, and ensuing hmwk load disparity. Would you say that CATE’s “locked in” 9th grade classes is such bc it’s a fairly small school that can’t offer the same range of courses that other bigger schools might? Just wondering.