Funny, when I was thinking of which sport might be least time-consuming, I thought of golf, which apparently is OP’s sport?
So I looked it up. Seems as if between practices and competitions and travel, D3 golf would be, on average, a 20 hour/week commitment. It would be possible to get the grades while playing golf (although no one on here would recommend that any serious pre-med college student shooting for a 4.0, especially taking challenging science and math classes, work a 20 hour/week part time job). It would not be possible to do all the ECs required, so at least a two year gap would be necessary - but on the other hand, med schools seem to like students who are a bit older, and who took a gap year or two, So as long as the person is willing to be over 30 when they finish their training, not a problem.
That being said, there is still the money issue. Grinnell? Remote farm country, but 20K/yr cheaper (but still over 70K/yr). Carleton? Suburb of a major city, very cold, 95K/yr. I still think that your in-state flagship wins out. It will probably be 30 - 60K/yr cheaper, have more academic and social options because of its size, probably would have more access to research opportunities because of its size. If you wind up switching out of pre-med, flagship state U probably has more available majors and choices, and for the price difference, you can play a hell of a lot of golf, including winter golf trips to Florida, California, and anywhere else that you like, every single year. And you might even be able to walk onto the golf team at Flagship State U.
Of course, your parents probably won’t see it that way. "Mom, Dad, I am choosing to go to Flagship State U, for 35K/yr, instead of Private Golf College, for either 73 or 95K/yr, so how about I take Flagship State U, and you can just deposit the 40-60K difference annually into my checking account? Heck, I’d even be willing to split the difference - how about you just deposit 25K/yr into my checking account, on top of the 35K/yr for Flagship State, and we’ll call it even?
Does that shed a light on the sense of the potential “third option”? Effectively, if you choose Grinnell or Carleton, at 73K or 95K per year, you’re paying an extra 40-60K/yr to play golf. Well, your parents are. As I have said, if they are so wealthy that it makes no difference at all in their lives, or in your or your siblings’ lives, for them to shell out another 200K over the next four years, then great. But for most people it means, at the very least, delaying retirement for a few years, if they have the money, and borrowing, if they don’t, which can mean decreased standard of living and working, well, for the rest of their lives).
Of course, you and your family may decide that it is worth it, for you to go to Carleton or Grinnell. But you need to have a very serious and frank discussion with them, and lay out the options, and talk about money - which many parents are not willing to do with their kids, either because they don’t want junior to know how rich they are, lest junior’s motivation be sapped, or how poor they are, lest junior narrow his options out of legitimate fear of impoverishing his parents forever. It’s an adult decision, and you, on whose behalf this decision is being made, need to be involved.