<p>^ Another problem with this financial aid system that assumes that a parents’ money is available to the student. In the past, it was possible to get through a state school by working, and an expensive college by taking debt. This is no longer the case. Parenthood (and the lack of independence that goes with it) has been extended for an extra four years.</p>
<p>“Your money, your rules” is fine, but please do know that in most of the coed dorm situations, unless a couple is already together (in which case I’m not sure any of the couples I know have ever officially roomed together), the roommate is seen far more as a sibling than as a potential love interest. If you’re uncomfortable with it, and you’re the one paying, by all means object, but I would be remiss if I didn’t vouch for the fact that coed rooms (coed dorms… coed campuses… school dances… allowing women to wear skirts that show off their ankles…) don’t automatically lead to sexual free-for-alls. </p>
<p>My brother was in a coed suite-- two girls, two guys. With a common bathroom and a common living area and tiny tiny tiny little bedrooms, everyone’s door was always open and it was like a coed rooming situation. The only thing that happened was that one of them was a Red Sox fan and the rest weren’t. The guys were doggedly protective of their ‘sisters’ and the girls would share their chocolate with their ‘brothers’ when the poor guys had a bad day. The girls gave their ‘brothers’ advice on women, and the guys would explain men’s point of view to their ‘sisters’. They shared music and late-night Thai food and they all miss each other terribly now that they’ve graduated and moved on.</p>
<p>It’s not nearly as scandalous as a lot of people here are assuming… Nobody wants to bring that sort of drama into their forty-square-foot living area, so it’s only an issue if the roommates have <em>extraordinarily</em> poor impulse control.</p>
<p>I agree aibarr.
I am bemused by the parent quoted: who has degrees from Yale and Harvard Law, is a writer and educator in the Boston area, yet is disingenuous enough not have realized before this that - her daughter has differing values/opinions than her own & that California and Stanford may expose her daughter to even more " liberal viewpoints" with which she may find sympathy.</p>
<p>Or was this " shock" calculated to get her more press? Perhaps her role as a stay at home mother of five children is more than she could keep on top of?</p>
<p>I call b.s. </p>
<p>I can’t believe the dorm “requires” students to change rooms every quarter. The daughter is rooming with the friends she wanted, and told her parents a story.</p>
<p>You are wrong about that, mommusic. The description of the rooming practices at this particular (crunchy granola, alternative) dorm appears to be accurate. The only b.s. part was that the girl told her mother she didn’t realize she might end up in a co-ed room unless she said no specifically before the meeting. By the mother’s own description, there were only a few all-female rooms in the dorm. (It’s not such a large dorm.) Surely the student noticed that during the previous quarter when she lived in the dorm.</p>
<p>What I call b.s. on: That the parents actually withheld tuition and put their daughter in a position to be unable to graduate. What I believe: That they wrote several very mean letters to the president and trustees of Stanford. That they threatened litigation. Perhaps even that the university waived the rooming fee for that quarter. As I said above, Stanford’s position here was not optimal, and I bet it will be much better by mid-summer.</p>
<p>Stanford Grad here. The descriptions of Co ops are pretty accurate, even dating back to 70’s. Bottom line, the girl got a proxy to sign her up for a room - come on moms, when you want to do anything right, you have to do it yourself. Her mom forgot to impart this wisdom on her own daughter.</p>
<p>The daughter responds…and as some suspected it was a parent/child divide.
[A</a> Daughter Responds to a Mothers Anger Over a Co-Ed Dorm Room - The Choice Blog - NYTimes.com](<a href=“A Daughter Responds to a Mother's Anger Over a Co-Ed Dorm Room - The New York Times”>A Daughter Responds to a Mother's Anger Over a Co-Ed Dorm Room - The New York Times)</p>
<p>Here’s her Daughter’s response:
</p>
<p>None of this surprises me in the least. So much for the daughter having been compelled to live in a mixed-gender dorm room!</p>
<p>The blogger at the Times also quotes her as follows:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>What a surprise. Not.</p>
<p>I love all these “my money, my rules” arguments.</p>
<p>You’re right; you are free to pay for it or not. But providing these strings and hoops to go through - and using “pulling tuition funds” as a threat to control the most arbitary of your kid’s behavior - i.e. if I ever find you smoking I’m stopping payment - is ridiculous.</p>
<p>It’s like your boss demanding that you go get him a donut from across town or you’re fired.</p>
<p>Anyway, if you ever make a ridiculous ultimatum attempting to impose your own version of morality on your adult son or daughter, I hope they call your bluff and end up working full time to pay for their own education.</p>
<p>I would just love to see you explain it to friends and neighbors. “Yeah, she’s paying entirely for her own college education. Oh, we could have pitched in, but she wanted to live in a coed room, and we did not agree with that one bit, so we’re not giving her a dime. More lemonade?” You’ll definitely be Mr. and Ms. Popular.</p>
<p>I don’t really have a problem with parents saying “my money my rules”, though I think the parents were being remarkably dumb in this case. (I lived with my boyfriend my entire senior year and my roommate lived with hers.) I don’t know why the National Review didn’t bother to get the other side of the story though. Pretty shoddy journalism.</p>
<p>Well, I’m eating my hat. I’m not surprised that there was mother-daughter conflict here, or that mother maybe fibbed about that a little. I’m not surprised that Stanford offered to give her another room. I am stunned that the parents actually followed through on their threat, but then I was stunned when we actually invaded Iraq, too. I guess I should stop underestimating conservatives’ need to see a hardass when they look at themselves in the mirror, no matter how self-destructive it is.</p>
<p>It is not clear to me why the parents refused to pay the Spring tuition. Was it because their daughter refused to move out of the room, or because they were mad at Stanford’s policy?</p>
<p>I think the girl is pretty clear about that in her no. 7.</p>
<p>Sorry, but I don’t think no. 7 makes it clear at all. How do you see it?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Seems apparent to me that the mom’s beef was really with her dd’s choices.</p>
<p>I don’t mean to be catty (well, yes I do), but I couldn’t help but notice that of the approx. $16,700 cost per quarter (tuition plus room & board), the parents’ contribution was … $3,000! So over 80% of the daughter’s college costs were already being covered by Stanford financial aid and the daughter herself. Really, if the parents want to repudiate Stanford properly they should pay the university back for the financial aid that was granted to their daughter. They wouldn’t want their morals to be tainted by accepting funds from such a disreputable institution.</p>
<p>Well, paying that extra $3000 loan to buy freedom from the parents the final quarter before graduation is probably going to be the best $3000 that young lady ever spends. </p>
<p>It must be mortifying for a 22 year old to read something like that – (real names and all) written in a national publication. I guess the mother’s last --and futile – effort to gain some sort of influence given that the daughter remains, happily, in her co-ed room, with or without mom’s money.</p>
<p>Wow, I know a lot of folks who would love to attend Stanford or any U for $3000! That’s quite a bargain, no matter what the gender of the room mates! I didn’t notice that anywhere, but I guess I haven’t found this thread very engrossing, just sad.</p>