<p>TheGFG,
I respect your opinion.</p>
<p>Thanks, Bay.</p>
<p>well at least someone does, because i don’t. your conclusion of people dressing in undergarments in dorms is based on a “slippery slope” fallacy.</p>
<p>when your kid goes to college, it’s a whole new world you are no longer a part of. i mean a part of as in control. you are still in their lives, just not controlling it. try as you might to hold the finances over their heads to force the results you want, but kids will be kids. if they want to have sex, they will, and they might not tell you.</p>
<p>this ultimately goes back to parents wanting to create an environment for their child that is unlike the real world. this does nothing to prepare the new generation for real world experiences. for every one parent like you trying to hoover around your child, there are 5 students living with your child “corrupting” the moral values mommy and daddy have instilled. good luck ;)</p>
<p>^someone actually thinks college life is like “the real world.” I wish.</p>
<p>Southerncali: College is NOT the real world.</p>
<p>In what “real world” do people see non-family members in their pajamas (or undergarments) on a daily basis? </p>
<p>I’ll grant you that my comment on this might be a mild case of slipppery slope, but hey–I barely had to extrapolate at all. I merely recounted the tour guide’s assessment of the campus dress code, which is that PJ’s are prevalent. I didn’t exaggerate when I spoke of high school girls either. I wish I was just hallucinating when I see girls wearing skin tight camis with no bra and major cleavage exposed (to show off the new butterfly tatoo). I never would have invented the unsightly “muffin tops” above low-cut jeans (to show off the cute belly button ring) that are everywhere; and I certainly wouldn’t have envisioned the black thongs visible through those white yoga pants! And never could I have made up all those nude or almost-nude pictures girls have been posting on Facebook and texting to friends. My point is that one can’t just assume modesty in a personal living environment because there’s quite a bit of public immodesty among girls of this age group. </p>
<p>In what “real world” does sex not carry consequences? I’ve got 3 of the them, and they’re MAJOR consequences.</p>
<p>In what “real world” does a boss or anyone else pay all your expenses and allow to do whatever you darn well please? Give me a job like that, please!</p>
<p>In what “real world” can you live without the need for any rules or authority at all? Did I miss the train to Utopia?</p>
<p>it isn’t the corruption that TheGFG is talking about, at least I don’t see it as such. It is more what perhaps the young ladies deem appropriate, really isn’t. Yes girls can wear what they want and shouldn’t get hassled, but THAT is the real world, and they will be perhaps groped or hit on or much worse.
Some of the Facebook pics of girls my D graduated with that have not set them to private would almost qualify as soft porn. Tripping off to Atlantic City on the parents dime. If their moms or dads happened to see them or knew everyone else is viewing them, all I can say if it were my D her a… would be home in a heart beat. Im not paying tens of thousands of dollars for orgies.</p>
<p>Pajama pants were a fashion trend a year or two ago, weren’t they? I thought wearing PJs to class was along the lines of PJ pants and t-shirt or sweatshirt rather than anything more revealing; pretty much just like throwing on sweats. Sloppy, but not immodest. On the other hand, in Dorothy Sayers’ “Gaudy Night”, which takes place in England pre-WWII, there’s a reference to the female undergraduates at Oxford sunbathing in public in their undergarments. The female dons are horrified by the breach of manners.</p>
<p>There isn’t much PJ wearing at my school, but from what I know and can guess, for most college students, PJs are thought of as a step down in formality and polishedness from regular clothes, rather than a step down in dressed-ness or coverage. It’s similar to wearing sweatpants.</p>
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<p>It’s different at different schools, but none of the girls at my high school dressed outrageously, and I’ve seen hardly anybody at my college doing so for every-day wear either. Also, speaking as a current dorm dweller, I have different standards for being by myself in my room, being with female in my room, and being outside of my room/with males in my room. If I were going to room with a guy, I’d apply my standards for males, not my standards for being by myself or being with females. Not everybody would do the same, but I suspect that a fair number of people would. For me, at least, it would be as if I had a brother and was sharing a hotel room with him on vacation, only if anything, more modest, because I wouldn’t know the roommate as well, and the roommate and I would theoretically be potential sexual/romantic interests for each other (assuming that he’s straight or bisexual), whereas brother and I wouldn’t be.</p>
<p>The more revealing girls stand out more, I think, so it seems as if they’re more common than they are. People take note of things that are out of the ordinary, that surprise them, that disgust them, etc., but they don’t take note of the fact that something’s average. Like if I’m walking to class, I’m going to notice and remember people who look especially good, bad, “sexy,” and such, not the random people who I’d consider average, appearance-wise.</p>
<p>i don’t get what the fuss is about
if someone is uncomfortable in a coed room, i’m sure they could switch with someone.
many of my close friends and i agree we would love a coed room. i would feel much safer knowing there was a guy in my room, and not just myself and another girl left defenseless.</p>
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<p>It depends on the guy. Should a chicken feel much safer with a fox in the hen house and not just herself and another hen left defenseless?</p>
<p>Any of you adults remember The Harrod Experiment? Somehow, I don’t think Synergy House at Stanford is quite like that. (And I know the dorms at the University of Chicago aren’t, either.) Pajama bottoms or no.</p>
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I don’t believe the article about the student’s “lack of consent”. The student knew how room selection was handled and what the likely consequences would be; her “proxy” story sounds like “the dog ate my homework”. My best guess is that she didn’t want to sit through the 7 hour dorm meeting, bugged out, and told the others that she was happy to take any room… and now the mom is freaking out.</p>
<p>And as to the “parents’” pre-consent… well, lets just say that’s between parent and child, not the school’s problem.</p>
<p>TheGFG – I think your imagination is kind of getting away with you. The “pajamas” comment of the tour guide might have been a reference to the long sleeved flannel kind. If you prefer that your kids attend a college where the girls dress modestly… I suggest encouraging a COLD climate. My daughter used to be a thongs and exposed-navel kind of girl… but life in NYC cured her of that. She needed sturdy, practical shoes for all that walking… and she bundles up. (Even in her facebook profile pic!) </p>
<p>(Kids go to class in their jammies at the type of school where the classrooms are a short walk from the dorm --they’ll sleep until 5 minutes before class starts, then throw on a coat & head on over to class without bothering to change. I heard the same “class in pajamas” story about my daughter’s college as well – her campus is connected by underground passageways so it is possible to go from the dorm to classroom buildings without ever going out doors. But if you understand the dynamic, its not a sexy, Victoria-Secret thing – its a lazy thing. Dorm life often entails a switch to pajamas that are more modest than what was worn at home, because you never know who you might run into in the hall on the way back & forth from the bathroom.)</p>
<p>Actually, there were a lot of flannel pj bottoms & revealing outfits showing up worn by young ladies in my niece’s private prep HS before the school started enforcing a strict dress code. Rumor was that it was because on two consecutive days, MAJOR donors who came on campus saw kids dressed in clothing they considered unsuitable & decided to take their generous donations elsewhere.</p>
<p>I don’t see what the big deal is.</p>
<p>I’ve lived in an coed off-campus apartment before - you know, where there are no silly gender restrictions.</p>
<p>I’ve also lived in a coed room (4 people) that required parental permission. A ridiculous rule I think, but my parents thankfully were “fine” with allowing me to choose to live with a real live female, despite that I’ve traveled to foreign countries alone for months, worked several jobs, pay several of my own bills, and found/ leased/ furnished/ cooked/ cleaned my own apartment last year.</p>
<p>What’s the big deal? There’s not going to be more premarital sex. If your kid wants/ can get sex, he/ she will do it regardless. And ain’t that presumptuous? Do you really think your kid’s standards are so low, that he/ she will go after his/ her roommate?</p>
<p>Secondly, if your kid does have sex with his or her roommate, he/ she is a major idiot for not considering the ramifications. They deserve whatever fallout befalls them. Think of it as a learning experience for them.</p>
<p>Finally, talk about “consequences” of sex (which happen with or without a coed room mind you) — why don’t you talk to your kid about wearing freakin’ protection and using contraceptives - sex education in this country is a joke .</p>
<p>No one lives in a coed room because they want to have weekly orgies. And if they do - well, like I said, let them live and learn.</p>
<p>I asked my D, she does not want a male roomate. I don’t think it is safe for them to have a male roomate picked for them by the school. My D also says boys keep their rooms “smelly and gross”. We said “worse than yours” ? Anyway when she gets older, she will choose. I am hoping she has good judgement. quite frankly, I do not want to run her life when she is an adult. This year will start to tell me what kind of judgements she will make. My expectation is that as she matures she may choose to room with both sexes. I am more worried about her being safe, doing well in school, being reasonable about partying. BTW her school has a dress code, idon’t like to see the pajama pants in public thing, (and I am a sweatshirt kind of person) I think it looks sloppy.</p>
<p>The problem is not usually the students who worry about rooming coed. It’s the parents who just don’t like the idea and do not feel like paying their money towards something they don’t like. Some are outraged and it does go against their morals. Some just don’t want to financially support this. There are some situations I don’t feel like financially supporting. That is my business, when it is my money. </p>
<p>My son wanted to go into a housing situation his sophomore year that was not acceptable to me. He was an adult, and yes, it was his business. But I was not going to pay for it, nor was I going to sign any leases or anything else about it. Not where I wanted to put my money. The same if he had wanted me to cosign a loan. Yeah, his loan, but my signature would mean I was putting myself responsible as well. Unless I am willing to take that responsibility and support the cause, I flat out would not do it. </p>
<p>Maybe you disagree with the parent who is refusing to pay for the Stanford. Well, it’s her money. If she doesn’t like what she is pay for, she does not have to do so. It’s no huge trauma for the student to take a semester or year off and work or find something else to do and then if she wants to submit to the torture of living under her parents’ rules in exchange for their $50 something thousand dollars a year support, she can do so. If that is too difficult to do, then, oh well. </p>
<p>I can even agree with a cause or opinion and not want to pay for it, or pay what it would cost to support it.</p>
<p>You know what I think is the strangest part of the story is that this is happening in the girls last semester, senior year. If the story is true, I would probably be irritated but the overriding thought would be, okay this stinks but it’s the last semester, we’ll deal. It would take much more then the living situation to make me angry enough to pull my College senior out, especially if the student herself was not bothered.</p>
<p>It does become a school’s problem if they start policies that stop the parents’ flow of money. The college education system runs on the parents ’ money. If that flow stops, you had better believe they will figure it out. </p>
<p>I don’t think there is a single school that randomly assigns kids to a coed room. Coed dorms or apartments, yes. There are schools with limited single sex buildings and if this is a big deal to someone, that is a feature to note when selecting schools. </p>
<p>As a personal preference, I like single sex bathrooms in a dormitory. I am just more comfortable that way, and if I were looking at colleges for myself, that would be an issue. There would have to be many other compensating issues to override that inconvenience, and it could be a deal breaker. My kids did not care, and the discomfort was not one I felt I did not want to pay for for my kids. But I would not want mixed sex dorm room assignments and would balk at paying for them.</p>
<p>I agree with cpt’s philosophy: My money, my rules. If my kid does not like it, s/he is free to find funding elsewhere. I don’t see a thing wrong with this approach.</p>