My two cents is even if it is possible for you to take on $40K in personal debt, you should think very seriously about whether that is a good idea, particularly since you think an extended grad program might be in your future too.
So personally, I would be chasing stackable merit (meaning they will add it to your need aid and not offset it) to try to cover that gap.
I believe Rochester does offer stackable merit, so they might actually get you where you need to go.
I also believe Case offers stackable merit, and would be another good choice if so.
I am not sure RPI stacks, but they are a great Physics college with robust merit, so you might try to check them out.
Kenyon says it will stack merit but with a “limit”. Still, might be worth checking out in your case.
Finally, I think Franklin & Marshall is saying they will stack merit (although I find their statement a little ambiguous). Anyway, that is another strong Physics LAC you might want to check out.