<p>D2 still hasn’t gotten over the fact that I let her out at the curb on her first day of 1st grade with a “Have a great day” parting comment, LOL. Dropping her off for her first semester of college without fanfare? Not a chance!</p>
<p>That reminds me… On my first day of 1st grade, I insisted that I wake up on my own, pick my own clothes, do my own hair, pack my own lunch and walk a quarter mile to the bus stop by myself. I also wanted to wear makeup (which I applied myself too) - never done this before. My parents agreed to all except to let me walk alone. </p>
<p>Looking at old pictures, I am still surprised that they let me leave the house that day. I looked <em>awful</em>. But I am glad that they did. Many of my favorite childhood memories were premature assertions of independence gone wrong.</p>
<p>I am loving all these various perspectives and stories, thank you. Given me lots to think about.</p>
<p>I am sure he will change his mind between now and then as he discovers other friends will have parents going to their perspective move in days.
I would point out to him that especially since he is planning on attending out of state there will be many little things that it will be easier to purchase there then drag across the country. This is a lot easier to do if Mom and Dad are there to write the check… lol</p>
<p>Snowdog. My older and wiser friend once told me to ignore most of what kids have to say between 15 and 25 and do not take anything mean to heart. They are just spouting off to hear themselves and try on ideas. He has saved me from much heartache. My kids are older now and much more comfortable in their skin. It was great advice.</p>
<p>I’m sure your student will change her mind. However no harm in stating “Hey,btw, that hurt my feelings.”</p>
<p>I would say just smile and nod for now. He has not yet figured the logistics of moving all that stuff into a room. Guessing since he is moving across the country he can’t do it alone. It took a mass coordinated effort to move my kid across the country in the fall. </p>
<p>Additionally, once the info for moving in comes in the mail, he will see most schools offer lots of presentations for families and even a goodbye ceremony at some. He will want you there, he just wants to seems to want to show he is ready to go off on his own. I just loved what said above about being there for his birth, first day of school, etc. That’s a line I am going to write down and use!!</p>
<p>Maybe he’s just thinking that a cross-country drive is logistically too complicated, and thinks he’ll fly in to make it simple for everyone. Maybe he’s presently overwhelmed and worried about costs. Kids don’t need half (quarter?) the stuff lugged into their dorm room; he could conceivably fly in w/two suitcases - like many of my classmates did eons ago. Buy him one of those “How to Survive Freshmen Year” paperbacks, and table discussion until July.</p>
<p>b@r!um–I wish I had a button for my kid to wear that said–“I dressed myself this morning.” I think I could have made a lot of money with that item…</p>
<p>What about transfers??? My son is a freshman. He starts his new school in 10 days. “Move-in” day is Jan 15, but classes start the 17th. I assume some kids won’t show up until the night of the 16th since they only went home for the winter break. They won’t be “moving in”. My son hasn’t said much, but I have a feeling we won’t be wanted beyond carrying stuff. He can’t have a car yet, so he does need our transport and we will demand to see the room. </p>
<p>It will be weird not to meet the roommate, and weird for him to move into “someone else’s” room as the new kid. When he went away in Sept there were lots of parents so it was okay. He didn’t want us hanging around once the bed was set up and stuff. Anybody with experience as a Jan transfer???</p>
<p>OP, welcome to the stage called “Fouling the Nest.” Senior feels overwhelmed at the prospect of actually leaving home, all his/her friends, the existing social hierarchy and heading to COLLEGE. No matter how excited they proclaim to be, there is still an underlying current of insecurity. This insecurity displays in waves of obnoxiousness, tears, anger and flouting of rules and civility. It also makes it easier for parental units to send their fledglings out of the nest.</p>
<p>This too shall pass.</p>
<p>“Anybody with experience as a Jan transfer.” I don’t have Jan transfer experience, but your son should keep in mind that roommates do change from time to time (people withdraw or request room changes). So, he should not feel weird about “moving into someone else’s room”. That’s not exactly what is happening. I have done that (room change) and it’s not a big deal.</p>
<p>Ohio, he hasn’t even emailed the kid or anything. Not sure why, probably feels “stupid” to do that. We don’t even know if the kid knows he is getting a new roommate or not, or what happened to his old one. I assume he would have gotten notified by email, but he may not have checked it. S has looked him up on facebook and thinks it will be okay, but doesn’t think they will be best pals!</p>
<p>Sure will be weird moving in if the other person isn’t even there…</p>
<p>^ I lived in a dorm for 3 years, back in the day, and everyone who had an empty space in a room always felt that any time, they could get a roommate. So, roommate is probably expecting it, if he hasn’t been notified already. Will there be an orientation for new students? That should help, meeting others new to the school.</p>
<p>Countingdown you are definitely onto something. She has a lot of anxiety (which is part of the reason I was so astonished by the statement). </p>
<p>There were a few comments about our closeness maybe being more in my mind than hers. Of course that could be true but I don’t think so…she calls me in to tuck her in at least a few nights a week.</p>
<p>Most out of state and many local parents helped at move in at my kids school - including the out of state junior transfer student that just became D’s suitemate.</p>
<p>Do something nice for yourself, by yourself, to soothe the pain of the offspring’s serpant tooth. Later on if the cost/logistics of going along aren’t a strain, and kiddo still doesn’t realize how much harder it will be to do it all alone, perhaps you can plan a vacation for yourself with a shared plane ride…and the ability to cancel all but your hotel at the last minute to pitch in and help the newly independent one should there be an 11th hour total change of heart.</p>
<p>Remember the push back is nothing personal - just necessary from time to time so they don’t continue living at home forever.</p>
<p>Oh the joy of those pseudo-independent high school kids. I bet hearing that you weren’t needed or wanted was super tough. It might be a good idea to consider the reasons why you want to visit and help in the first place.</p>
<p>if you are going just for the long goodbye and being waved away at the curb, in a sense of hitting a milestone, maybe you should just let the kid go alone. If, on the other hand you have a few concerns and want to be right there for yourself to check things out in person, then you have every right to go along. You are paying for everything and that means you are making the decisions. Getting that clear from the beginning is likely a good idea.</p>
<p>Kids do change their minds as well and as we all know are very highly influenced by friends and those of their age group. Talking to a few new college students that already went through this might change his mind. If he has some idea that it wouldn’t be cool for you to be there, getting the real life experience from a peer might change his tune.</p>
<p>My answer would be :shrug: “Too bad, I’m going to be there…but I will do my best not to embarrass you…too much…”</p>
<p>Countingdown’s post #70 hit the nail on the head. Anxiety leads to “fouling the nest.”</p>
<p>Plus, if your daughter told you “nobody does that anymore,” she has just revealed that she has absolutely no idea what she is talking about. Ask any college student about the percentage of freshmen who have at least one parent with them on move-in day. I’d bet answers range from 75% to 99%. The exception would be International students.</p>
<p>I’d lay low about the whole thing until you know where she’s actually going. Then you can start to get into the logistics about how you get all that stuff onto the plane, and from the plane to the dorm, and how to get stuff from Target to the dorm when you’re too young to rent a car. Yes, it CAN be done - but its a lot easier if a parent is there to help you.</p>
<p>One of those “sigh” parent moments - was move out day Freshman year. Yes, I went. He wasn’t sure I needed to. He’s all the way across the country. I helped pack him up, clean, and we rented a storage unit. It was a lot of work, and much more than work than he expected. AT the end, he looked at me and said, “I’m really glad you came, I’m not sure how I would have gotten this all done without your help.”</p>
<p>Yea, our kiddos too SAID they were lukewarm about us coming & helping them move in & later helping them move OUT. They sheepishly agreed it was VERY helpful to have us around. 
They really DO want to be independent but it’s always nice to have help AND the bank of mom & dad available. We have helped our kids move–my parents never stepped foot on any of our out-of-state college campuses with the exception of one brother’s graduation ceremony they did attend as all parents went on stage with the graduate. We managed with a LOT less, back in the day, oh so many lifetimes back. :)</p>