If my kid were taking a Gap year she’d no doubt wear the Gap T shirt. Brilliant idea.
The kids in our district look forward to wearing their college gear on May 1. Every season they have a pep rally for the new teams with the kids who didn’t make the team sitting in the stands. Every theater production has kids that have been denied the opportunity to participate. Every school has kids that were not voted into student council. I know this sounds old fashioned but many senior girls are not asked to prom and some senior boys have been rejected by those they ask. By the time these students are seniors, most have experienced rejection in one way or another, either academically, socially or through their extracurriculars. The kid that did not get into their dream school probably had more social opportunities than the kid who is attending their first choice. The kid that is taking a gap year may really want the time off before they start college. I truly think that the majority of the kids really like it and the disgruntled students that are in the minority know it is just another snapshot moment in their lives, and they will survive. As parents, we want all the kids to be on a level playing field but the seniors know by now, or at least they should, that life is going to be an uphill battle, with lots of twists and turns. And hopefully, as a parent you have adequately prepared them.
Our kids went to school in the Bay Area, and thankfully our local high school didn’t have this tradition. The high school district ranges from wealthy to relatively poor, and wearing college gear would only emphasize those difference. The rich kids would be wearing gear from Stanford and the various UC’s, while a lot of the poor and middle class kids are headed off to community college or aren’t going to college at all.
At the high school graduation ceremony, the school does pass out a list of which college a student planned to attend. It also listed which students were going into the military.
Not having a t-shirt day specifically because “some kids go to lesser colleges” just perpetuates the opinion that those decisions aren’t good enough. Some of our kids are going to the local CC because that truly is the most logical decision for them-- they want to stay close to home, or they are mostly done with an AA they want to finish, or they are planning to be firefighters or EMTs or vet techs. For those kids, Stanford-- or even the state uni-- would be a poor choice. We can-- and should-- celebrate the future respiratory therapist in his Lake Woebegon Community College shirt just as well as the thirty-seven future chemical engineers and twenty-five future pharmacists. Or have we given up even paying lip service to “run your own race”?
My kids go to a small school that encourages everyone to go to college.
There are kids who transfer to the nearby tech HS because they decide they prefer a vocational career first or instead of college.
So for my kids school the college tee shirt day makes sense.
My kid got her tee for free at an event she attended.
BTW, in our town many ‘poor and middle class’ kids are heading off to fine four-year institutions and others are extremely proud to be going to community colleges or ‘less-prestigious’ state schools. And many of the rich kids who didn’t apply themselves in school or struggled (yeah, even the kids of rich parents sometimes can’t get into Ivies) are fine taking gap years or have noted for many years that other kids were more successful in school. This concept that it ‘only emphasize(s) those difference(s)’ is rather elitist. If the kids WANT to go to college, almost all can go: community college, loans, grants, etc. are options. No, not every kid can afford to go to some colleges; but there are options for virtually every kid. Yes, there will be extremes on both sides: arrogant, snobby elitist school kids who look down on others (the ‘others’ are used to it), and ‘embarrassed’ or jealous kids who who can’t or won’t go to those schools (the huge majority have known that for a long time). But why take away a fun, safe tradition that the 90% would enjoy. A problem, IMHO, with our society is so much focus and attention are on the two extremes on an issue at the expense of the overwhelming majority. Of course there are times in which the majority should make sacrifices for the overall better good, but banning a T-shirt day?
If a kid really felt bent out of shape about not getting to wear a college t-shirt to school, they should do what any self-respecting high school senior would do on a spring day in their last year of school: go to the beach!
I suspect this issue matters a lot more to the parents than the kids.
Bingo, @subtropicus. You get a “slough” pass for that answer. (Note the correct spelling of “slough”).
Well meaning parents meddling in their kids’ business has a respectable history all the way back to choosing who plays on what team at recess (rather than letting the kids figure it out). Or informing the school which 4th grade teacher Johnny should have next year. Why should high school senior traditions be off limits? It’s the last true “meddle” opportunity available to most parents LOL.
I think there’s a natural tension between the impulse to celebrate success, and the impulse to protect the feelings of the less successful. Whenever a topic like this comes up, I think of the Peanuts cartoon you can read in the following link: https://findingevey.■■■■■■■■■■■■■/2014/03/23/how-did-the-other-team-feel/
I think that states the tension perfectly.
If this misbegotten “t-shirt day” doesn’t exist in the first place there is no issue at all. I’m happy to say that it does not exist at our HS.
I think it’s a lousy idea. I also think that pep rallies are a lousy idea.
Throughout my S’s MS/HS years, there were various sports “banquets”–ie, potlucks in the multipurpose room–The Annual Evening of Excellence, to which kids who were getting some kind of academic award were invited, which is held in the gym, the honor society inductions, and so on. All of these things managed to celebrate achievement without forcing the rest of the student body to participate.
The kids already know who is achieving what and they know where people are going to college or if they are not going at all, for whatever reason.
@Hunt you are correct - as long as we view these senior celebrations as having “winners” and “losers” there will always be that tension.
Great point, @Mamelot. I don’t get the sense that the kids see it that way. My kids are always telling me I’m making a bigger deal out of ‘stuff’ than the kids’ do…maybe we ‘think’ that kids get ‘bent out of shape’ when most, if not all, just don’t give a **** (my own **'s) one way or the other.
No tradition here, but then a huge percentage go to the local community college so it’d be a little boring 
.
“But why take away a fun, safe tradition that the 90% would enjoy.”
It’s only “fun” for those in power. This same attitude perpetuates things like bullying and hazing, and was once the attitude supporting things like slavery and lynchings.
“Tradition” = “it was done that way in the past, regardless of why, and we don’t want to change, even though we should.”
To answer your question: why take it away? Because having done it before is in no way a good reason to do it now (and never was), because it hurts some through no fault of their own, and because these children who are hurt really have no choice about going to school or not.
- Organizing it as an in-school event forces everyone to deal with it.
- It is not like getting selected for the football team or the school play, where everyone has an opportunity to try out and if you're selected, you're in. Some of these kids simply do not have the same college opportunities, and of those who go so far as to apply, some just don't have the ability to pay. Who gets to go - who has been on the path towards college for all their lives - is more about their home/family/income situation than any merit on the part of the student, 99% of the time.
If my child’s school tried something like that, I’d keep her home that day, and tell the Principal why, too.
I had two kids in the same grade. I ‘forced’ one to go to her sister’s signing day. She didn’t want to, but I forced her to. She even brought some friends (there were cupcakes, after all) and in the end liked it. Was she jealous she wasn’t getting a scholarship? Sort of. Was she jealous that her sister was getting all the attention? Sort of. Did she regret not continuing with the sport they’d both started the same year? Yes, I think she did. But it’s part of life to support others and honor others even if you are a little jealous. The jealousy was only there because it was her sister. She had no such feelings about the 25 other kids receiving awards and scholarships. The auditorium was full of students happy for teammates and friends who were getting the rewards of hard work, both physical and academic, getting to go to schools those students may have wanted to go to themselves but couldn’t (Navy, MIT, FSU, Auburn). I guess the students at our school were just more mature and kind than at schools that don’t celebrate college choices because everyone seemed genuinely happy for their friends.
The girl next to us at the party was going to Navy. My daughter had considered it but didn’t get in to the summer program so just dropped it. It didn’t bother us at all that the other girl got in and DD didn’t. She got to wear her Navy t-shirt and my daughter wore the one from another school. Just Life.
Oh for the love of all things rational, @FCCDAD - hey I have an idea - how about you let your daughter decide whether she would want to attend?
it’s interesting that my generation (teenagers) is considered the “everybody gets a trophy” generation, as well as the generation of hypercompetitivity in things like college admissions. I guess it means that everyone wants to be the best, but arent willing to accept that not everyone can be the best.
Hey, I have a better idea - I’ll raise my child right, morally and ethically.
Getting to go to college at all - and much more so a good college - is not a reward or prize or achievement. It’s largely a matter of luck, being born to the right parents, who raise you a certain way with certain values, with good jobs, living in safe neighborhoods with good schools. You know almost from birth who will go on to a good college and who will not, probably 90%+ confidence level. Everyone is supposed to be equal, but some are actually hugely advantaged and others disadvantaged even from before conception.
My children have been lucky enough to have huge advantages in life. I teach them not to rub others’ noses in it.
FCC dad, I have to think you are in the clear minority when you say getting into a good school is not an achievement. I think that is just nonsense, especially with the level of competition these kids face since the inception of the common application. I also think it is highly insulting to the kids who have worked their butt to the bone to be even able to apply and be honestly considered by the admissions staff.
@FCCDAD How much of an extreme shall we take that to? At my kids’ high school, the kids who are going to what would be assumed in this thread as “trophy colleges” (state flagship and big name private schools) are generally considered to be smart. (Whether there’s a shine or a stigma attached to that term depends on the social group you belong to.) That’s it. Smart. Not show-offy or rich or “hugely advantaged”.
OTOH, in second grade my daughter was called “rich girl” by a child at her lunch table because she carried a packed lunch instead of getting a school (i.e., free) one. I suppose by standards set forth in this thread I should have hung up the lunch box and encouraged her to eat chicken nuggets and baloney boats so other kids wouldn’t feel bad?