<p>A rather cute and witty list of things parents should do (and not do) on college tours.</p>
<p><a href=“HuffPost - Breaking News, U.S. and World News | HuffPost”>HuffPost - Breaking News, U.S. and World News | HuffPost;
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<p>Anybody have any to add?</p>
<p>OK, who’s been secretly taping MY MOM?!?</p>
<p>lol!!!</p>
<p>I think the keeping your mouth shut advice depends on the particular relationship and attitudes of the parents. I liked hearing my parents’ opinions because they were very positive (as I tend to be).</p>
<p>Tours and info sessions are ruined by boomer parents hovering over the whole experience. Don’t the parents see how miserable their children are? It’s like watching a death march pass by (I used to live next to a Top 20 University where I would see endless parades of prospies). There is absolutely no reason for parents to attend those sessions. All the info is on the website, in the cafeteria–or at the other end of a telephone.</p>
<p>I let both sons tour schools alone–whereupon they were grilled by competitive boomer parents. Ridiculous.</p>
<p>Wow - I’ve been going on different tours! Most of the folks I’ve noticed - well, I really haven’t noticed many folks because the parents seem to have been trying to meld into the woodwork and are actually as unobtrusive as as ceiling moldings. Now, we haven’t toured any Ivies or top LACs, so therein may lie the difference. Or maybe the parents on our tours have read articles such as the one cited (very funny, btw) - or else they simply have children like mine, who would cheerfully murder me if I called any attention to myself, them, or the tree that’s about to fall on the tour guide. </p>
<p>I will say that we had one dreadful guide at Mary Washington (a wonderful school I’d hoped my d would consider) who was so giggly about how rillyrilly hard it was to keep all her facts straight that she seemed to contradict herself at every turn. When she said something about housing that d and I just didn’t get, I broke the rule and asked for clarification. I immediately regretted it because she responded rudely, complete with eyeball roll. D walked off the tour, but told me she wasn’t embarrassed that I’d asked the question; however, she knew she didn’t want to attend a school that would select an impolite airhead to represent the student body.</p>
<p>I’ve seen some obnoxious parents, but for the most part our tours have been marked by guides asking for questions in an increasingly desperate tone. “Anyone? Anyone?” I imagine the obnoxious factor goes up with the selectivity rate, and we aren’t looking at any of those 10 percent acceptance schools. :)</p>
<p>I think there’s a small mistake- the Castle is at Brandeis University (Waltham, MA) while Tufts University is located in Medford, MA.</p>
<p>Stand at the back of the tour group. The kids belong at the front asking questions.</p>
<p>minority opinion here it seems – but personally, i found that if you just listened to the tours and info sessions, you generally got the canned prepackaged information that varied little among schools, which was pretty worthless in my opinion. </p>
<p>kids on the tours seem too concerned with coming across “uncool” to ask questions, so it generally is left to the parents to ask them. and its when parents asked questions that we generally found we learned most about a school. if no one’s going to ask questions, we might as well not bother going, in my opinion, since you don’t get much more than what they already package on their websites and booklets. But hey, I also think it’s important to question salespeople in stores instead of just listening to their canned sales pitch also.</p>
<p>and personally, after being on a ton of these tours with two kids, i love trying to come up with questions that the tour guide doesn’t have a canned answer for – so for example - instead of asking “how is the drug/drinking scene here at X university” which will ALWAYS produce the answer “well, it is college, so there is that to be found if you are looking for it, but no one is ever pressured to do anything they aren’t comfortable with” – how about asking “so is drinking/drug use limited pretty much to the weekends or does it go on all the time?” you’ll probably get a more honest answer if the tour guide is caught a little off guard. 
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<p>(and in case any one is wondering – my own kids are among those who wouldn’t open their mouths to ask a question – but it was not uncommon when they’d later discuss their impressions of a school, for some information that came out as a result of one of my questions, or that of another parent to be relevant to their distinguishing among schools. it’s their decision where to go to college – but i do want to know that they are making an informed decision.)</p>
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<p>nice sentiment – the tours would work well if kids actually did this, but i can’t recall a single tour i went on where kids asked much of anything – and not because parents were dominating the tours. i’ve also been on tours when i’ve seen other tour groups composed entirely of students – some high schools or groups must plan them i guess – and at least in passing by those other groups, the students never seemed to be more inquisitive on those tours either.</p>
<p>I have a few of my own suggestions.</p>
<p>1) If as a parent you have to ask questions (and believe me, on a few engineering tours I asked a few questions, when your tour guide is so nervous that she is breaking out in hives and NO ONE is asking questions and she is quaking. I asked a few questions to put HER at ease and she was very grateful) don’t grill the tour guide on her party habits. We were on one tour and the mother kept grilling the tour guide on drinking and her personal experiences. Unless you were stupid and blind, you could tell that the girl was having a good time and the mother wanted to know about this girls party habits. Silly. I finally (after the question came up over and over again) said to the tour guide, so if you don’t want to drink are there many activities planned that are alcohol free? Yes, she gratefully said.</p>
<p>2) If you are a boy who is 6’6" or the parent of similar tall boys, let the short girls in front of you. We’ve had a couple of tours that we couldn’t see anything because of the trees in front of us. At least make an attempt to let the short people in front.</p>
<p>That is hilarious.
WildChild spent most of the tour trying to pretend he was there WITHOUT us! Things worked better when he went back for his official athletic visits without me and got to do his own thing (which he told me this week without exception involved his hosts providing alcohol…). At my favorite college (purple cow) the parents were invited on the athletic weekend visit but were separated from the kids and had all their own activities. It was perfect and I still have friends I made that weekend. </p>
<p>When we were looking at private junior high schools for our daughter, we were at an information session at a highly selective girls’ school in Dallas. One mother raised her hand and asked, “How do you handle gifted girls?” Everyone looked at the woman like she was nuts. The headmaster said, “Well, ALL of our girls are very academically talented.” (That is the kind of parent that gets a red flag on the admissions folder- the girl was wait-listed).</p>
<p>personally, i don’t see it as my job, as the parent of a prospective student, to put a tour guide at ease. sorry – this is their job – to sell their school and to answer questions. i would never sacrifice my child’s need to get the real information about a school for the sake of a tour guide who might not like the questions being asked. which is not to say i condone rudeness – rudeness in any situation is inappropriate. but a tour guide really should expect to be asked about partying at their school – in fact most seem very well prepared for those questions, which is why it becomes hard to get the “real” story.</p>
<p>i have never grilled a tour guide about their personal practices – but i have often seen how tour guides try to personalize their presentation by talking a LOT about themselves – i’m sure this is deemed an effective marketing tool – and in a way that may open them up to personal questions they’d rather not address. its a fine line – why is it all right to ask them about their majors and the clubs they say they belong to and not ask them about other activities?</p>
<p>but let’s not forget - these tours are all about marketing. a wise consumer doesn’t put the interests of the salesperson ahead of their own.</p>
<h1>18- Don’t raise your hand during the Q & A portion of the information session and ask, “What is the LOWEST GPA you need to get in here?”</h1>
<p>And don’t do what my mom did 25+ years ago…</p>
<p>She placed her hands on the granite walls of the building and said loudly, “Just think of all the knowledge and learning that has soaked into these walls.”</p>
<p>When my D went to a prospective student overnight is when she was able to picture herself there as a student. </p>
<p>I do think there are some things you can feel pretty quickly on a campus tour which surprised me. I wasn’t expecting that. On one Saturday morning tour at a large school, we saw ZERO students. I asked if the cafeterias were in the dorms. No, but by 11:00am not a single student had materialized. No intramurals, no volunteering, no study groups, no one even getting breakfast!</p>
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<p>Lets also not forget: these tour guides are kids just a year or two older than your own, working as volunteers or perhaps making a (very) few bucks/tour. They dont get paid commission based on how many apply. Most will try to answer questions honestly, but may not want to give personal info. The admissions officers who give the info sessions are the paid professionals who are involved with marketing the school.</p>
<p>Yes, my daughter is a tour guide. ;)</p>
<p>Ditto ^^^ </p>
<p>We determined from the info sesssion and tour only whether S1 had an interest in learning more. It was the overnights on campus (when we dropped him off or even sent him with another parent friend) that made all the difference in what he learned, how he felt about the school, and ultimately sealed his decision. No doubt it helped that we were not there to “gasp” one way or the other!</p>
<p>S2 had a good experience this winter with a tour guide who stayed after the session to talk to him about more specifics, incl. some personal impressions he may not have been comfortable sharing with a larger group. Even gave him his email address to stay in touch. Nice option when available. </p>
<p>As S1 begins his tour guiding career, I’m interested to hear some tour guide “do’s and don’ts” as well – any experiences that stand out as esp helpful or effective?</p>
<p>I agree with the advice for parents to keep their mouths shut. The only thing I said to my daughter after each college tour was “So what did you think?” I never offered an opinion unless it was solicited and, even then, I never played up one school or disparaged another. It was more like “Well, college A has X or doesn’t have Y, while College B has X or doesn’t have Y.” In the end, D chose the same school to attend as I would have chosen for her (if I had acted like the Type A, baby boomer, helicopter parent that I am – which I worked hard to restrain myself from doing).</p>
<p>Make sure you each have a bottle of water with you, especially if you are touring around this summer. Only a couple of schools that we have toured had it available for people to take before walking around for at least an hour.</p>
<p>I don’t think parents need to keep their mouths shut, but they do need to ask smart questions. Nearly all high school kids on tours never say a word. They’ve never been to college, don’t know what’s relevant, and are paralyzed (I’m guessing) by the fear of looking stupid. I’ve been to college, I know my sons, and I revel in looking stupid. I asked questions designed to elicit further information on behalf of the tongue-tied students. I never laid my hands on a building, though, and wouldn’t dream of asking about college drinking or parties. Of course a lot of college students drink, take drugs, and generally engage in behaviors that make parents nervous. If you ask about it, the guide would either lie, or be forced into making uncomfortable comments. Why ask if everyone already knows the answer?</p>
<p>Some sample questions that I remember asking on behalf of tongue-tied students:</p>
<ul>
<li> Are all engineering classes held in this building?</li>
<li> What’s the farthest someone might have to walk to get to the dining hall?</li>
<li> When is the gym open for students to use during free time and what intramural sports do students play?</li>
<li> Is the campus golf course free to students?</li>
<li> Can undergraduates find paid research jobs on campus? How many?</li>
<li> What’s the very best thing about living on campus here?</li>
<li> What kind of things do people do on weekends?</li>
<li> What music and theater activities are available to non-majors?</li>
<li> Do you ever have trouble getting between classes on time?</li>
<li> Are there any particular classes that everyone loves?</li>
<li> Where do you do laundry/go to the doctor/buy magazines/play computer games/go for a burger/order pizza from, etc. Anything to make campus life more real.</li>
</ul>
<p>It took me a while to figure out that my son knew more about what it would take to build a colony on Mars than he did about life on a college campus. Since he doesn’t ask questions, I did it for him.</p>