<p>You guys talk about how some parents drag their Ds and Ss to tours, but I have to drag my parents to them! I have yet to do so for now, for fear of nagging, but I plan to eventually. </p>
<p>My parents complain all the time about anything and everything so they don’t have to go, making me feel like the bad person for wanting to go. I have no idea what to do. </p>
<p>I did semi-tour w/o an actual tour guide, because we had no idea we would even think of stopping by the campus (of a college I seriously don’t want to go to, and told my younger sis to slap me if i did). My parents just drove around looking at the buildings and wanted to just eat and go, so that was a total bust. I couldn’t even try and ge a feel for it.</p>
<p>(ps. I thought the whole soph slump thing was hilarious lol poor tour guide)</p>
<p>My two cents…I wanted to have my daughter feel her way through this process of selecting which university she would attend. Sometimes I would write down questions/or whisper them to my daughter. If she felt is was also something she wanted to know, she would ask them, if not, then she would say nothing. IMO it was her call…it seemed to work for her. After the tour she would voice her thoughts. I found it interesting to note that some schools she “loved” after the tour, were dismissed later with further consideration…I was surprised at the number of students who looked like they were about to say something, and their parents would jump in and say it first. The shoulders of the student would slump in response…when visiting admission officials, they would always invited me in to the office. I thanked them, and suggested they meet my D on her own, as it was her decision, not mine. The admission officials were always taken aback-and impressed-their job was to “sell” their university to my D-not me-I already had my college degree.</p>
<p>APOL, I hear ya – my DH wouldn’t even go into buildings where DS was planning to talk to profs/advisors. Not even to be a fly on the wall. It proved to be quite the valuable experience for DS. Last summer he visited a college, and a prof in a dept. he was interested in came out to say hello to him and started chatting him up. He looked the like proverbial deer in the headlights. We were all there and felt kind of awkward hanging around in the hall while they were chatting. Over Spring Break he sought out profs and advisors at every school he visited. Talk about a big change in just nine months!</p>
<p>APOL & CD–there was a thread a while back on parents accompanying students on trips & to interviews. One of the colleges my son visited & one he went to a sample class at expressed surprise that Mom or Dad hadn’t come along. And S was worried that I had committed a faux pas or was too “hands off.” I told him he was going to college, not me. </p>
<p>And now after a year of school he is a world away from the timid kid he used to be. I even remarked to him that I had noticed when adults address him OR me he jumps right in and answers, which was not the case last fall! :D</p>
<p>Interesting that a collge was surprised parents weren’t there</p>
<p>When we looked at some colleges, I actually fell asleep in the very nice waiting area, in a big chair in the corner…just wish someone had come and thrown a blankie on me…</p>
<p>I have somehow brainwashed my kids not to make any snap judgments after a visit - to that end, I think it really helps not to talk much about the visit immediately (# 14 on the list). I found that was very useful strategy in that usually the positives were remembered, but some of the superficial negative things (like a bad tour guide) became not as much of an influence.</p>
<p>We were lucky, I guess. Toured only 8 schools in 2 separate sessions. First was DD and mom, second included dad as well. Daughter was grateful we were along (her words) but didn’t want to discuss schools after the visits except to say which dropped off her list. Couple of schools were questionable for visits but she insisted on stopping by. These schools actually ended being in top 3 and one is the one she attends. I think Wash Dad’s questions were excellent and am sure many parents had similar good ones. Talking afterwards is good. You find out some interesting thought patterns.</p>
<p>Each child is different. DD is really very shy. Go figure - she’s a performer but stage and groups are 2 different things. Anyhow, we agreed on what the questions were ahead of time and if they were not answered or she did not want to raise them then she signaled me to ask them or let me remember to ask. There were some re finances, etc that were my interest, but those were in info sessions not tours. I did ask those and she knew I would. Just be open with your own student and let them take the lead on how they want to do it. Frankly, I really did not care to visit any more dorm rooms but if she wanted me there I went. If not, I found a comfy chair in AC to wait.</p>
<p>My son said he liked that we asked questions, especially early in the search. I did notice some mortified kids when their parents were asking about drugs and drinking. It can be done in a way that sounds demeaning and distru****l. Those questions did no one any good, imo.</p>
<p>On a dorm tour one mom was completely shocked that each floor was coed, and could not let it go. The tour guide pointed out it was not as if people were wandering up and down the floor naked. I wasn’t sure which prospective student belonged to her, as he was standing no where near her. Can’t imagine why.</p>
<p>College is for students, so it should be up to the students. If they don’t want the parents to come, then let them go alone. If they want parents to come, then let them come. But if parents do come, make sure they ask intelligent questions if they ask any at all. It’s really embarrassing to have parents asking questions that show they’re totally out of the loop or out of line. From experience, I always found that going by myself helped the most.</p>
<p>I did ask one question that didn’t embarrass my son - when we were in a cafeteria at Stanford, the guide pointed out a soft-serve machine and I asked if we all got free samples - she talked to the cashier and we did!</p>
<p>After tours my son was not really in the mood to write anything down but I did make him note his primary impressions that evening. He scoffed at the time but was very happy to review them months later when making decisions whether or not to apply. All we asked was enough info to be a memory jogger.</p>
<p>After a few tours we could tell when there was missing information that would not be easily found elsewhere. That’s when we would ask the questions but never when the guide was busy talking to prospective students.</p>
<p>My mother used to invite my teenaged boys to dinner without us because she said that they behaved differently without us in the room. Of course they did. That’s a natural part of the teen experience–breaking the bonds with parents by any means possible. Incredible amounts of subtle energy go into this process–even amongst fairly easy going families–ours included.</p>
<p>Seventeen year olds are not ‘themselves’ when standing in the company of not one pair–but a dozen pair of eager, slightly insecure (will he/she get in?) boomer parents. That’s why, when you see these groups walking around campuses–the eager parents are always at the front interogating the guide under the delusion of ‘making friends’ and the teens are slinking along toward the back, trying every which way to make themselves invisible.</p>
<p>I don’t know why colleges take parents on tour. Andover and Exeter take kids on independent tours. Most private high schools split the kids from the parents–a far happier situation IMO. Can you imagine Oxford or Cambridge taking parents on tour? Hah!</p>
<p>ricegal–my S2 is the kind who thinks he knows more than he does. I was worried that he would raise his hand and chime in. He siad he didn’t–but ya never know. And our first college tour involved sending S1 into a Top 10 engineering school. He came out visibly shaken. “There’s nobody in there who reminds me of myself–they are all math geniuses!” Our thoughts exactly. There’s math talent and then there’s math talent in the 99.5 percentile. Amazing how much oxygen is sucked out by a few percentage points when it comes to math.</p>
<p>We dragged S2 to all of S1’s tour locations–the logistics of touring from overseas. However, S2 never left the hotel room despite numerous pleas to help us economize. He wasn’t ready to think about it and he didn’t.</p>
<p>i didn’t go with my mom on purpose. my dad was quiet most of the time. all he ever asked about was safety…lol…over and over again. but not in an anooying way.</p>
<p>I’m going to throw food on the next person who types “boomer parents” like it’s an insult. Consider yourself warned, you spoiled, self-absorbed Gen Y’ers.</p>
<p>I’m the worst offender WashDad, but consider my digs a form of self-effacing self-entertainment. 1957 baby—ridiculous, over-striving, over-invested boomer all the way. Oh yeah!</p>
<p>I actually think parents have the best questions when on tours. I’ve been on about three tours so far, and the prospective students usually are either too timid or indifferent to ask questions. As long as they aren’t embarrassing questions or comments…I think parents should speak up.</p>
<p>I think it’s ok for the parents to ask questions but only if it’s a few. Otherwise how would you know that all the students are not going to ask questions? If you have a question that comes up, fine. But don’t come prepared with questions to save everyone else from silence – that probably means you are talking TOO much.</p>
<p>We were on a tour at Carnegie Mellon where one dad monoplized the guide - asked all kinds of questions in a voice not loud enough for the group to hear. It was really annoying and his kid stayed as far away as possible from him.</p>
<p>Don’t want to hijack this thread, but seems the right bunch to ask. If unable to visit all schools prior to applying, since DD has list spread across entire country what should be strategy?? Start with what they think they love, although reach? focus on safety, which is not the most appealing for her? </p>
<p>Also is the summer not realistic picture of campus? Can you sit in on class in summer?</p>