College Tours Dos and Don'ts - for the Parents

Parent Cafe
81

<p>I would say that if it’s a realistic reach (meaning she falls on the lower end of the mid 50% range) then still consider a visit. If she does not even fall within the low end, focus on more realistic schools-- which, while often harder to find the good ones, are definitely as pretty and friendly as the top tier schools. </p>

<p>Summer will paint a fairly realistic picture, though the student body will also play a large role in the vibe of the campus, I was able to rule out the majority of the schools on my list while visiting during the summer monthes. </p>

<p>I do not think summer class sit-ins are an option, though I could be wrong on this.</p>

<p>Also, if your daughter is not quite sure about a school after a summer visit, encourage her to apply, and if accepted revisit the school while students are present… and also try to check out a range of schools in whichever place you fly to-- this was a great way to make the most of our expensive excursions, and definitely made me appreciate some of the other schools a lot more.</p>

82

<p>For both S1 and S2, we visited schools during the summer months and the lists of schools to apply to were whittled down from our first impressions and website/catalog descriptions. We have sprinkled campus tours in with sightseeing trips in the surrounding areas. The schools would be blurred together if we had done marathons of tours.</p>

<p>During the tours we sort of have a guessing game going - when will a faq be posed by a parent, e.g., drug on campus, security measures, etc. We made a point not to ask questions that we can dig up from websites or catalogs, e.g., how many SATIIs are needed. We didn’t usually ask about food but we try to take in a meal in a cafeteria instead. We traded impressions of the schools after each visit. </p>

<p>In late March and April, after acceptances are in, we scheduled overnights and that’s when both S got their impressions of the students, classes and professors to help make their final decisions. They would come back with observations that tour guides would not or could not touch on, e.g., the hallways smelling of vomit after a night of parties, students sitting passively instead of asking questions or discussing ideas during classes.</p>

<p>It has worked out well for S1 and hopefully for S2 as well.</p>

83

<p>I made sure to write down brief notes of each school in a notebook afetr each tour while driving home-- after I had done so, the rest of the family would follow suit. This way, whenever I was unsure as to which school was which, I would be able to look at my notes to jog my memory. I o find it a bit odd when people take notes during infor sessions however, since all the info can be found online and the more important thing is to pick up on the vibe of the campus while there-- do not go to the info session unprepared-- do the research yourself beforehand.</p>

<p>And I think more than 2 schools a day is practically impossible to do while keeping the schools separate-- and def. leave the tours etc. early if you hate the school-- I did this with Cornell b/c I felt that it was a bad fit for me and no info session could change the fact that it was more institution than close-knit campus and the school felt much to large for my taste… this allowed us to continue along on our jouney and stop at the Corning glass factory-- a nice detour :)</p>

<p>If I hadn’t seen schoosl on the way that were not initially on my list, I would have missed out on Wake Forest (would have been my number 3 school had I not gotten into Rochester ED) and Muhlenberg (which I think I would have applied ED II to had I not been accepted to my first choice school). I would also have kept Juniata on my list, which seemed a bit unfriendly (no smile-backs and bad town/gown relations which were evident when we stopped in a local diner with some of the most down-to-earth people I had ever met).</p>

<p>Don’t even choose a “favorite school” until you have visited it-- I was wrong about every school I chose based on the numerous college guides I read and fell in love with a school which I had previously thought of as just mediocre.</p>

84

<p>

I’d focus on safeties until she has at least one that she is willing to attend-- otherwise you could have a situation where she is rejected from the schools she has visited, and discovers too late that she is unhappy with the schools that have accepted her. </p>

<p>If the reaches are prestige schools… I can’t recall a single instance of reading about a kid who was accepted to an Ivy and then decided not to go because of negative impressions at an admitted student visit, unless those were cited as reasons for choosing another Ivy. In other words… it is highly unlikely that your daughter will apply to Harvard sight unseen, get in, and then later on decide she doesn’t like it. </p>

<p>Now there’s a down side to the strategy: I had my daughter visit her safeties first, and she promptly dropped them all from her list, leaving nothing but reaches. Of course she did apply to safeties… but most ended up being schools she had never visited. I guess that if she hadn’t been accepted to her reaches, she would have had to live with the results and find something to like about the remaining safeties.</p>

<p>An alternative approach might be to simply use a map and visit the geographic area that happens to have the most colleges on her list within it. In other words, forget match vs. safety and simply look for which trip offers the most efficient way to see as many colleges as possible.</p>

85

<p>I understand the first one, my dad got a little feisty at Princeton when the tour guide called his alma mater, Stanford, a backwards taco bell joint. It was a comparative analysis of both schools from that point on. I was ready to trip my dad with his cane to make him shush.</p>

86

<p>On our Stanford tour (our first visit was after my son was admitted, during Admitted Students Weekend), the tour guide (from the Northeast) kept talking about how his friends at East-coast Ivy League schools endured miserable weather while he was enjoying the California sunshine.</p>

87

<p>Do not, I repeat do NOT ask the Georgetown tour guides if the bathrooms are really single sex.</p>

<p>Do NOT ask in the Wesleyan information session if the thing about the naked dorm is really true.</p>

<p>I love my mom.</p>

88

<p>4Giggles -
I did about twenty summer tours and while I found that I got a fairly good sense of the school, it was nothing compared to an overnight visit during the school year. I thought Yale was pretty but kinda desolate and too urban and almost didn’t apply. After Bulldog Days - an overnight stay where I got to see the vibrant social and academic life - I quickly decided to matriculate. If at all possible visit during the school year, especially for your top-choice colleges. A college’s true character is in its student body.</p>

89

<p>my aunt did just about everything the list says not to</p>

90

<p>I’m a Gen-X parent, not a boomer, and I didn’t go on any tours or visits with my son. Basically I told him that because I wasn’t going to be spending four years there, my opinion was not as important as his. I also felt that part of visiting the colleges he went to was experiencing the travel and public transit (because that’s what he’ll be using). So pretty much I bought him plane tickets, arranged back up youth hostel stays, and printed out info about public transit to campus – and that was it. He visited two different schools that way, on his own terms. He spent a lot of time attending classes and just hanging out with other students, and made his choice after having spent 3-4 days at each of his top choices. </p>

<p>My son has absolute horror stories about pushy parents who asked questions, demanded this or that, and seemed to have done no research about the schools. (For example, asking “Where’s your stadium?” in a demanding tone at a small LAC with no athletics program.) Parents who wanted to stay in the dorms, who wanted to sit in on classes, who wanted to ASK QUESTIONS in discussions during class – that particularly mortified him – and things like that. </p>

<p>The first time I will see the school he’s attending is when I drop him off there in August.</p>

91

<p>TriSF</p>

<p>I think yours is a very valid approach also. Our son definitely wanted us around to deal with the logistics so he could just focus on the schools. We did go to info sessions and on tours (sometimes while he visited classes). We would never have considered asking to sit in on classes or interviews or staying in the dorms.</p>

92

<p>Thanks for all the great advice. We will start looking in end August, and I think hold off on West Coast, as we are northeast and I really don’t want her to go to CA, but haven’t told her that.</p>

<p>Do you suggest Chicago in winter to really feel the weather? Did this scare many of you away?</p>

93

<p>I made it a personal policy to stay in the background and make my presence as little known as possible while still paying careful attention to the tour guide.</p>

<p>I have used the same policy through however many years now it has been of open house night at our kids’ schools. I just see no point in grilling anybody whether it’s a teacher or a tour guide or whomever. Parents who do that annoy me to no end regardless of the setting.</p>

94

<p>My mom attended UChicago, graduated in 91. Anyways she hated it, but accredits all her success to it. She thinks I would be a horrible match to the school and she says “Its good to see you so excited about such an academic place but really you are to social for the school, you will develop only part of who you are… Like having one leg longer than another, that would suck wouldn’t it?”</p>

<p>Anyways, We are visiting in 2 weeks and it will be interesting to see how things go. My mom isn’t the type to ask stupid questions, but she says she has to approve of the “new” Chicago before I apply.</p>

<p>My only worry is how can you get the feel for a college during the summer? Especially since my mom is worried it is not social enough, i could imagine that would only be exacerbated by the lack of students…</p>

<p>Also we were going to visit northwestern the same day. My aunt who lives in Chicago attended, graduated 4 years ago… Do you think it would be better to have her show us around instead of going on a guided tour?</p>

<p>Neither of these are my top choices, but both are more match than reach and I think it is really important to have a good match school that you would feel good about attending.</p>

95

<p>4Giggles–we are in the Midwest and told our son out front there ought to be a college this side of the Mississippi that will suit him. He ended up in Illinois, within driving distance, which is very convenient for him, his guitar, keyboard, etc. Now he is in Seattle for the summer, getting his West Coast fix, I guess. </p>

<p>And as far as the winter in Cgo, I have heard there is no such thing as “bad weather,” only “bad clothing.” It is what it is, and as long as you’re not in Antarctica or something, I’d say learn to enjoy it like the natives do.</p>

96

<p>I remember in the Dark Ages looking at colleges with my parents, and after we checked out one dorm on a Saturday a.m. my father said, “You’re not going to a college like that! Whoever heard of people lazing about in their nightclothes in the TV room on a beautiful day like that!”…Needless to say, I didn’t go there. (!)</p>

97

<p>Look, I’m a tour guide at my school.</p>

<p>That list is silly, and I’ll tell you why:</p>

<p>It assumes that what you do during a tour has any bearing whatsoever on your admission, especially with the things like how to dress and how to behave during the tour. Yes, you fill out an information card at the front desk when you get there, but neither your tour guide nor the person working at the front desk of the admissions office is taking notes.</p>

<p>You should absolutely ask questions on the tour. Tour guides hate awkward silences when they’re giving a tour, and questions help to break that. That said, asking questions in an info session is often a bad idea. Your questions are probably asinine and can usually easily be answered by going on the college’s website.</p>

<p>There are a few questions you should not ask your tour guide. First and foremost is anything about alcohol except the stated policy. No matter how honest a tour guide you have, you’re not going to get a completely straight answer, because we all try to walk the fine line between appeasing both the kids who want to drink in college and the parents who don’t want them to. Don’t ask silly broad questions like “what is the school like?” or “do you like it?” The school is different for everyone who goes there, and of course we like it–we’re tour guides. And DO NOT, under any circumstances, ask a tour guide what they did to get in, what their GPA was, what their SAT was, etc. Few questions make a tourguide more uncomfortable, and no question makes you look more like an ignorant fool.</p>

<p>Other than that, you can do whatever you want on a tour. DO ask a tourguide where he likes to eat off-campus. DO ask a tourguide what he doesn’t like about the school. Ask whether there are any silly traditions. If you’re an alum, tell the tourguide some silly anecdote. One alum told me a story I now use on my tours. Also, sometimes you’ll end up bringing up something the tourguide would LOVE to talk about, but feels a little uncomfortable bringing up. I never bring up Willy’s Pub on my tours, even though I know a TON of Pub history–bringing up the Pub inevitably leads to endless barrages of alcohol-related questions.</p>

<p>Otherwise, have fun. The only way in which School A’s tour is going to differ from School B’s is in the buildings and the random anecdotes–and probably your tourguide’s enthusiasm. After the tour, you really should walk around more and ask other students questions. You really shouldn’t feel uncomfortable doing so; we love being asked about our school.</p>

98

<p>Adding to the don’t brag about what you’re kid has done, don’t ask other kids on the tour what their GPA, SAT/ACT, EC’s are. Have had parents ask more times than I can count. Some looked like they wanted to see if their kid fit in, others wanted to be able to tell me their childs stats and how they were better.</p>

<p>After the first time of hearing, “well, my daughter has a x.xx and got a xxxx on the sat’s”, my standard response was “unweighted 4.0, 2380 sat, taken 13 AP’s, class president, played 3, 4 year varsity sports…” and said it so plainly that i never had anyone question me.</p>

99

<p>NYSkins, thank you for doing what you do, we as parents are truely thankful for the wonderful students who take their time to give tours</p>

<p>about the list, a tour can get very tedious if there is a parent or two who ask stupid questions that can be found in the guide book, on the website etc, or that are sooooo specific or obscure, no one else cares one iota</p>

<p>such as- what are the hours of the pool
how many engineering students pass their thesis or whatever
or can you keep pets in your dorm</p>

100

<p>Besides a general edict to not purposefully be obnoxious, I’d say just be yourself and don’t worry about it. If the kid wants their parents there, fine, if they don’t, that’s fine, too. If you like to ask questions, ask away, whether you be parent or student–my mother asked far more than a few questions on our tours, and I don’t think that anyone had a problem with it. Sure, if one person totally monopolizes the conversation, that’s going overboard, but I don’t think that you have to limit yourself to only a couple. You know your own and your child’s personality–act accordingly. I’m a sit back, listen and observe person, and my mother is a chatty person. It’s not that I couldn’t ask questions…I just generally didn’t want to. But my mother did, and every once in a while something interesting came up, either from her or another person. </p>

<p>There <em>were</em> a few things that I didn’t like about the other parents on our tours, which may or may not have been more my own personal pet peeves. I don’t mind introducing myself to other people and making small talk, but I do have to say that I really was not appreciative when other parents would start to talk to me like I was their kid’s good friend or something. Just because I said I was interested in math doesn’t mean that I am desperate to hear about your career as an actuary (yes, I mean YOU, woman on the Columbia tour), and the (non-interesting, non-special) fact that I play an instrument does not mean that I am dying to hear about your Johnny’s Cello talents (Princeton tour woman?). Maybe I just have boundary issues (okay, I do have boundary issues), but I prefer it when people stick to more normal small talk. </p>

<p>Generally, I think people should not worry so much about what kind of an impression they are making, at all steps of the process. No, I don’t think that parents should butt into class visits or insist on sitting in on the kid’s interview, but I don’t think that people should get so worried about the small things. No one is taking notes as to the last name of the applicant whose mother asked a lot of questions, or whose father dared to ask a dumb question about the coed dorms (or whatever). As an extension of that, it’s okay if your interviewer meets your mother (yes, gasp, I wanted my mother to go up to my Yale interviewer’s door (it was at her house)…the woman couldn’t have cared less, we had a great interview, she was great to me at every step of the process, and when I emailed her that I hadn’t been accepted and was going to Wellesley, she really couldn’t have been more positive. I can guarantee you that the fact that she met my mother did not affect anything!). I’m not going to say that it is impossible to seriously affect your chances (positively or negatively) with situations like this, but it is highly unlikely and not something that you should spend a lot of time and energy worrying about, in my opinion.</p>