<p>I think this original piece was more about how not to embarrass the living daylights out of your poor college-bound child than worry about how the parents were coming across to the school. It’s a good thing, however, that admission is not contingent on the actions/questions/dress of parents!</p>
<p>This has probably been said but parents do not attend classes with your child. Its ultimately their decision and you take up valuable room. When I was at Bucknell I’m pretty sure one history class was over the occupant limit.</p>
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<p>I actually don’t mind very much when people ask those questions on a tour. Sometimes the guidebooks are wrong, or your tourguide will know something that the guidebooks won’t tell you (i.e. “stated policy is that pets aren’t allowed, but I know a few people with small animals”). It’s also faster than looking it up in a guidebook, and it only takes at most a few seconds to answer.</p>
<p>The guidebook questions we do not like to be asked, however, usually regard admissions statistics and the like. Yes, I do know the answers to most of those questions, but that shouldn’t have any bearing on whether you choose to come to the school. Also, those are the statistics that are at the front of even the most basic guidebooks.</p>
<p>Really, though, don’t be afraid to ask a question if it’s on your mind. After the tour you’re going to regret not asking it, and asking can’t hurt. If you really feel uncomfortable about a certain question, talk to your tourguide after the tour. I always enjoy being able to answer questions on a more personal basis, rather than having to shout an answer over the heads of 10-20 people.</p>
<p>When we visited Brown, they gave a list of courses the prospects could sit in on. It wouldn’t even cross my mind to go in the classroom. As I was waiting for the class to end, saw several parents file out. My daughter even said one of them was asking her questions about the school thinking she was a already student there!</p>
<p>I confess, I broke many of the rules. I’m short, if I stand in the back of the group I will not be able to see or hear any of the tour. My son is shy, and hesitant to ask questions in a group. Many times the questions I asked were ones that we talked about afterwards. </p>
<p>My son dismissed a couple of schools early on because the tour guides talked about activites that he had no interest in and he assumed that there were no EC’s that would suit him On future tours I made a point of asking the tour guides about things that he liked to do. </p>
<p>We went on a couple of tours where the student tour guides were paired up with students interested in the same major as the guides. Those were the most productive ones. I think another key to a good tour is small groups.</p>
<p>Here is what I think should be an obvious don’t:</p>
<p>Parents, please refrain from having personal arguments in the middle of the tour.</p>
<p>I once led a small tour with just two families, one student with both her parents, and another student with just one parent. We were in the science building and I had talked generally about the science programs on campus and then asked if anyone had anything specific questions regarding the sciences or research opportunities. One member of the couple asked about something that I had just covered, but I didn’t mind going over it again. Before I got much into it, the other half of the couple angrily snapped about not paying attention and then the two went at it for a bit, exchanging some heated remarks. Yes, it was very awkward for everyone else. I could see that their daughter wanted to disappear and just melt into the floor. I tried to diplomatically talk about research projects and just move on.</p>
<p>I’ve seen plenty of students give their parents dirty looks or the rolled eyes, but at least there weren’t many vocal disagreements. I think it helps if families have a game plan before starting their college tours, i.e. who’s going to be asking the questions, what information is important to them, etc.</p>
<p>Wow, the idea of Northwestern and U of Chicago as match schools - I don’t think so. Having just gone through the round I can tell you that these are NOT matches, even if you are a legacy. These schools have so many applicants they can carefully pick and choose the soccer star who plays oboe in a national orchestrato round out their classes. Speaking as mom of a minority/IB diploma candidate/2300+ SAT/extremely high G.P.A. student/cello playing/soccer star: he still didn’t get into all of his “reaches.” Don’t count on it.</p>
<p>Just one little tour guide irritation: the English major at Dartmouth (a senior) who said “Fabulous” about 109 times in an hour. When I asked my son what he thought of the tour/info session, he said . . . well, yeah, you know.</p>
<p>I live in Maryland, and I know kids who thought that Georgetown and Johns Hopkins were matches. Many were disappointed. Some of them didn’t even make the waiting lists.</p>
<p>But those schools might have been matches for similarly outstanding students from other parts of the country. It helps to be from elsewhere. Quite a lot of kids from our area got into Northwestern and UChicago, including those who didn’t get into the nearby schools I mentioned above, which are supposedly similar to Northwestern and UChicago in terms of selectivity.</p>
<p>If you’re from the Midwest, I would caution against considering Northwestern and UChicago to be matches – no matter how spectacular you are. On the other hand, if you’re interested in Georgetown or Johns Hopkins, you might be very welcome at one of those schools.</p>
<p>I was a good mom and stayed fairly quiet on all the tours except one - our alma mater. DH and I had agreed not to say anything about both of us being alum until AFTER the tour, but I couldn’t help pointing out things to my son on the tour (that was my frosh dorm, dad & I took a class together in that building, etc.) I made a point afterward to tell DS that just because Alma Mater was a great school for DH and me 25 years ago, does NOT mean it’s the right school for him now. All winter he told us that Alma Mater was one of his top 3 choices. When he got waitlisted at one school, A.M. became one of his top 2 choices. It was the last one he returned to look at. In the end, he decided to attend Alma Mater - but told us he’d been lying to us all winter. He hadn’t wanted to attend AM because it is further from home than his other choice, and he wanted to go to his OWN school and have his own experience, not follow in our footsteps. He was just telling us it was a top choice because he thought it would make us happy. It was only when he went back a 2nd time, figuring he’d find a reason to write it off, that he realized it really was better than his other choice. (He made a list comparing the 2 schools, A.M. won 21 - 13). He is now REALLY excited about going there. </p>
<p>Meanwhile, I find myself sort of wishing he had chosen the other school, which is only 3 hours away and gave him merit money, instead of Alma Mater, which is about 5 1/2 hours away and gave him no money!</p>
<p>When we took DD to look at DH’s alma mater, the guide specifically asked if there were any alums on the tour, and she seemed very pleased to find one. She asked DH a few questions during the tour, like “Is this how it was when you were here?”</p>
<p>Marian, that is incorrect information about Gtown. The midwest is not a geographic novelty at Gtown, courtesy of the myraid of excellent Jebbie high schools throughout the midwest. Alaska is a geographic novelty at Gtown but a tiny one–but Gtown doesn’t give that much preference to geographic novelty. The SFS gives zippo. </p>
<p>Gtown is stats driven–incl compassionate EC stats that reflect the Jebbie mission. IMO the stats are simply lower for Jebbie educated applicants–or superlative athletes. If you don’t meet your school’s scattergram criteria for Gtown, you are not going to get an invite from them. Is my opinion.</p>
<p>Here are my tips:
- Don’t ask the guide to compare College X to College Y. The guide only goes to one college.
- Stay away from personal questions. SAT, GPA, Financial Aid (yes, it has happened). Don’t ask for the guide’s cell phone and don’t e-mail the entire campus trying to find the guide (that has happened too).
- The student guide is just that, a student. They don’t know everything about all the programs. They have a background in a lot but can’t tell you everything about the X Major.
- Realize you can’t see everything on the tour. Some complain the tour is too long as it is. It may be a huge hike to get the athletic facility or something like that. The guide will be happy to get you directions or there may be a student in the office headed that direction afterward.
- And yes, the guide would rather talk WITH you than AT you. Go ahead, engage them, it makes the tours more interesting for them. But don’t overwhelm them.</p>
<p>I know we’re getting away from the topic, but I also cringed a bit when I saw UChicago and Northwestern listed as matches. In all fairness to the poster in question, he/she did say “more like matches than reaches”, but it’s still really not true for almost anyone, especially in the midwest. From my school alone, which does not send particularly many applications off to top schools in general, we had 36 apps to the aforementioned schools, and I would venture to say that the large majority of those apps were sent off by kids with ballpark stats (25th to 75th percentile (or higher) scores and top 10% rank). Being that we’re only one of about a gajillion huge suburban Chicago high schools, and certainly not one of the more competitive HS’s at that. </p>
<p>Of course, I’m sure that Chicagoland is the most high-density area for NU and U of C, but the point remains. Honestly, unless you live in a region that is truly underrepresented at a certain school, if you come from a high population density area (like Chicagoland), few schools with national reputations–especially Eastern schools–are going to be particularly hurting for applicants. It might not be as bad as being from Long Island, but there are plenty of strong applicants from any highly populated area to most top universities and colleges.</p>
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<p>Laflum, what a terrific kid. He sounds really mature, to both be able to do that kind of objective analysis AND be happy about the results. Sorry he’s going to be so far though.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the great info. We’re from the Midwest and will visit 6 east coast schools on a 1-week trip in July - reach schools Brown & Tufts, match schools Syracuse & Wm and Mary, and safety schools UDel and UConn. I welcome your comments.</p>
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<p>If your family likes roller coasters or water slides, allow yourselves an extra day in Williamsburg, which has a Busch Gardens and a big water park.</p>
<p>This thread has made me think up some good questions to ask when I tour with my son:
“Will he have to sleep in a top bunk? I’m afraid he might get dizzy.”
“Are there any known positive or negative energy vortices on campus?”
“When asking for a roommate, should we mention my son’s bedwetting problem?”
“Which sorority has the ugly girls?”
“Do you think my son would be happy here if he is intellectually superior to most of the other students?”
“Would it be OK if I stay with him in the dorm for the first couple of months?”</p>
<p>How about “Where is the nearest liquor store that delivers?”</p>
<p>How about “Is it true that the wellness center provides free ear plugs and condoms?” ;)</p>
<p>Kelly’s Mom: I wouldn’t call W&M a match for OOS. I don’t know your itenerary, but there are many wonderful choices in areas byou’re visiting close to schools you chose.</p>