Could your Frosh D date a senior?

<p>Depends a lot on D’s experience and maturity up to now. If you allow it, then as already suggested, impose very strict conditions…Cheers is on the right track, I think, no unchaperoned situations–even if both kids are trustworthy and reliable.</p>

<p>I have a ninth grade daughter who wanted to date a senior. I asked her if she was ready to go to Planned Parenthood and she basically freaked out. My friends who dates seniors all told me they lost their virginity dating seniors. She is mature for her age but I still told her to forget it. He is a very nice guy, smart, athletic. But she is 14! now 15, but a child in my eyes. Luckily she found a sophomore boy who is 15 but after seeing him I must admit he looks as mature as the senior boy! She seemed ok w/ the decision…and I told her she can thank me when SHE is a mom!</p>

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I completely agree.</p>

<p>Lucifer: Maybe these kids wouldn’t be “losers” if you and your “cool” friends gave them a chance and invited them places?</p>

<p>I personally was a shut-in during high school, because no matter how many times I asked to go places, people would just ignore me. College has been a much different story, because there are less people like you who would automatically call me “loser”.</p>

<p>Back to the original topic, as a young sophomore, I dated a Junior. I personally regret it, because I definitely got used (But he didn’t go and plan it, he just had less of an idea of what he was doing then I did). At this point, I’m just happy I got it out of the way.</p>

<p>Sometimes “blanket” rules need to be judged on a case-by-case basis. Our D dated a few seniors as a freshman and we met all of them. They were nice, “straight” (non-drug, non-drinking) young men. Nothing bad happened! We need to give our children credit for forming their own judgments; otherwise, how will they make good decisions later in life? Obviously, if we had seen any red flags with any of these boys, we would have forbade her to date them. (As someone who was a teenager in the 60’s, I can spot red flags a mile away!)</p>

<p>Yes, we who remember the 60s know why caution is a good idea.</p>

<p>Screenname, i agree with lucifer. I was no stud in high school and I definately wasn’t part of the “popular group” or whatever you would like to call it. I was even pegged as a loser for being in school plays and playing in the band by a few of the kids in the popular groups who played sports. I didn’t really grow into myself until my senior year. But I got a date my own age to my sophomore semi formal, junior prom, and senior prom. And it never would have crossed my mind to find some 14 year old to go with me to my senior prom. I had my own friends, and I would venture to say that 99% of people by their senior year have their own group of friends. I’m sorry that you were unpopular in high school, but honestly, that has no bearing on the fact that its ****ing weird for a senior to want to go out with a freshman. If he just needed a date, why not ask a friend in his year or the year below him? Hell, I went to an all boys school and I got dates my own age. He’s surrounded by 100 or so girls in his own grade, and he can’t get one of them to go?</p>

<p>When I was a senior in high school, I was the leader of our church youth group. A girl from another high school showed up and I asked her out. Even though she looked older, it turned out she was a freshman. When I found out (on the date), it seemed so weird that I immediately took her home. When I told my friends, I was teased for a while as a “cradle-robber.” </p>

<p>I’m definitely with the why-would-a-senior-want-to-date-a-freshman group here.</p>

<p>Id have to believe if there is that big of an age difference then one of two things are going on. Either he cant get older girls to date him, or he wants to have sex with your daughter. Good luck.</p>

<p>Screenname, sorry you weren’t popular in HS but your post shows a lack of social skills - unless you’re friends with someone, you have to be invited places, you can’t just ask to go (at least not directly - i.e. you don’t call up a party’s host and ask if you aren’t good friends with them, you call a person already at the party who knows/is friends with the host and have them ask for you).</p>

<p>Also, unless you publicly do “loser” things (these depend on the school/region) or lack the basest fashion sense/hygene, it is very difficult to be labeled a “loser” from the get go. A loser is typically made through their actions - most frequently through bad social skills. At any reasonably large high school, there are going to be enough different groups (groups for partiers, for nerds, for X activity) that anyone who has basic social skills should have friends.</p>

<p>I understood this was a request to go to a prom, not necessarily an ongoing situation. My D who was a freshman last year was invited to the prom with a senior friend. His prior date and he had mutually decided not to go together on the day of the prom. We spoke with the boy on the phone and laid down the rules. They would go with her friend and her date and she had permission to go directly to the prom and directly home and no where else. We were clear that we understood the other three were seniors and we understood if that posed a problem but she was 15 and that was the condition. We trusted this boy and D’s senior girlfriend and her date. They agreed to the terms. They called as soon as they headed home and she asked if they could all come back to our house for a while. We were happy to have them here - D returned with her feet blistered beyond recognition but had fun. It all worked out but I was not comfortable with it at first. H and I felt better after we spoke openly with both D and her friend about our concerns which were mostly safety. At the time D and friend were not dating but it was unclear whether they would. We figured we would address that if and when it happened…it did not.</p>

<p>I think the gap between freshman and senior year is too far. Let’s be serious, guys in high school want to shag. If I had a daughter I would not let her go to prom with a senior. She would be exposed to things her grade is not yet ready for: driving, drinking, drugs, sex. </p>

<p>On the other hand, I dated a freshman girl when I was a junior. I am still with her as I am now a freshman in college and she is a junior in high school. Her parents wouldn’t let me drive her, wouldn’t let me come over to her house, and would rarely let her go out on a date with me. However, I fell in love with the girl and withstood all of their rules until they realized that I was not just a guy trying to take advantage of a young girl. Happily, we are together and her parents trust and adore me now.</p>

<p>My advice would be to not let your daughter go with him, but if you somehow do…be extremely austere. This will weed out the bad seeds.</p>

<p>Comming from a senior guy: Odds are the guy is in it for something more than your daughter’s fine company, but that said I don’t think your refusing her to go would go over well. If it were me? I’d let her go and put some sort of restrictions to ensure nothing too bad happens, but sometimes they have to make their own choices.</p>

<p>jags: In the band/choir clique (which I was on the outside of), it was fairly normal for seniors to date sophomores, and the occasional freshman. It was also a weird situation, the district split its middle and high schools, and my school was the smaller of the two (<1000)</p>

<p>lucifer: It’s irrelevant – I knew everyone, even the people who were throwing the “parties” (I’m using this term loosely, it was where a lot of the people I knew and was friendly with just would go to hang out and watch movies). I just wasn’t wanted around. It was a small high school, and in the group of honors kids, who had been tracked together since middle school, there was nowhere to go.</p>

<p>(And it’s not like I didn’t have friends – they just went to different schools and we didn’t have other friends in common.)</p>

<p>See, if my social skills were so horrible in high school, I would still be having trouble being invited places now, but I don’t. It was just the people there, and the upperclassmen at the time liked me and were more friendly to me then my classmates.</p>

<p>3 years is a world of difference between ages 17/18 and 14/15. The only bigger difference I can think of is between ages 10 and 13.</p>

<p>I also vote no, because as an 18 year old guy, I can tell you where this dude’s mind is going to be no matter who he’s going with, especially if its a girl younger than him that he hasn’t built up a friendship and a mutual respect with.</p>

<p>Firstly, I’m speaking as an 18 year old , whose parents never imposed any sort of dating rules on her (had just turned 16 when I had my first serious boyfriend, an almost 19 year old) and who has never had any of the problems discussed on this thread (it’s enough to put a girl off dating :eek: Thankfully no guy I’ve dated has been only interested in sex!) </p>

<p>14 does strike me as a little bit young, but you know your daughter a lot better than I! I subscribe to the school of “age is just a number” personally. I think the important thing is how mature is your daughter. I, and several other friends, have always gravitated towards older company. Personally I would have been pretty nonplussed had an older guy asked me to a dance (though at my school we didn’t tend to go to dances with a set partner. I did end up dancing with a lot of older guys though). Probably the reason my parents have never been worried about me around older people is that they know I’m not easily pressured at all into anything, be it drinking, drugs, sex, or whatever. I feel those sort of things are more important than how old a person is.</p>

<p>Perhaps ask her about this guy, what she thinks of him, friend or date, if she knows his friends, etc. Your son knowing him gives you a good start, and you could possibly try to talk to him about this guy a bit more. I also think whatever you decide, you should talk it out with your daughter. My dad has always been a very authoritarian parent, telling me what I can and can’t do. I get on a lot better with my mum who talks to me like a big sister or older friend, because it makes me feel like I am trusted. Explaining your reasoning and concerns rather than just saying a flat out no will make her feel like she’s being taken into account, and may make her understand things a bit better. Plus, flatout nos are a lot more likely to lead to rebellion, whether it’s behind the back dating in high school or going off the rails in college.</p>

<p>Someone suggested a double date with your son and his date. A good idea imo. Certainly, if you are at all worried, insisting that she comes straight home afterwards is perfectly reasonable and gets a strong recommendation from me. :slight_smile: Talking to the guy as well would get your groundrules laid and give you an opportunity to size him up, and would possibly scare him off if he’s not so great. And if you do decide not to let her go, my suggestion would be to organise some alternate activity to keep her occupied that night. Having a great time doing something else when she could have been wasting her time being bored at a silly old people’s prom, rather than sulking in her room about the fun others are having.</p>

<p>You are obviously a very caring parent, where others might not take such an interest in their child’s wellbeing :slight_smile: I hope whatever you decide ends up good for all concerned :).</p>

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To me, this bridges the difference between those who say “No” and those who say “It Depends, some senior guys are fine.” To me, it doesn’t make sense for a Senior boy to take a freshman girl, whom he doesn’t have any prior friendship with. He should get a “fix-up” with a junior or senior girl - there are likely several dying to go to this dance. The reason to allow the freshman D to go is not to disappoint her or deprive her of the exciting formal dance experience. It’s OK to disappoint her, in the name of caution. She will have the exciting experience several times when her own time comes.</p>

<p>the majority of senior guys I would not want dating my daughter, and a word of caution to any seniors wanting to date freshman: a friend of mine is currently up on rape charges since the girl accused him of holding her down, a charge he denies but has admitted to the statutory. I feel really bad for the guy since he’s a friend and I don’t think he actually raped her, but he sorta brought it on himself by ****ing the freshman</p>

<p>Watch the movie Speak about a high-school freshman and then decide (available at Blockbuster).</p>

<p>Let her. It’s just a dance. However, I wouldn’t recommend any dating after that.</p>