Could your Frosh D date a senior?

Parent Cafe
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<p>First of all, I’m a 17-year-old, female, senior in high school. I don’t think that makes me any less qualified to state my opinion though, I also have experience on the matter.</p>

<p>I think it is absolutely fine for a freshman to not only go to a dance with a senior, but to date a senior, especially when the guy is older. In 9th grade, almost all girls have gone through puberty. At the same time, many guys have not. I know in 9th grade, many of the 9th grade boys were far too immature for me- the older boys had much more in common with me. I was also in classes with older kids, and socialized with them. I’ve had relationships with guys 2 years older than myself (that’s close enough), and both relationships were great; and, quite similar in all respects to those relationships with guys my own age. They were no quicker to make moves, and one lasted longer than any of my other relationships (1.5 years)</p>

<p>“I’m definitely with the why-would-a-senior-want-to-date-a-freshman group here.” -digmedia
Maybe the senior doesn’t want to date a freshman, but the person the senior wants to date, happens to be a freshman. Age isn’t so important to everyone. Trust me, at most schools there are plenty of girls, of any age, who are willing to have sex with most any guy. If that is all this guy wanted, he would not be going to the sibling of a friend- he probably genuinely likes her.</p>

<p>“She would be exposed to things her grade is not yet ready for: driving, drinking, drugs, sex.” -Sirwatson1
Ahh, the ignorance here…I hate to break it to you, but I have not yet met a single freshman that is not exposed to driving, drinking, drugs and sex. Sorry, but nowadays, people like that are few and far between. Many people drink, do drugs, and have sex in middle school. Plus, I’d hate to think that you’re keeping a high school student from being exposed to these things from the same sex. I personally have been involved in a religious youth group that has helped my personal growth exponentially. This group has members in 8th-12th grades. Do many members have sex? Yes. Do lots of them smoke pot? Yes. Does that mean I did either of those things? No. But, the group was a great opportunity for me to meet new people, have a great time, learn more about my religion, help the community, learn how to interact with people of all ages, and much more, and I would hate to think this opportunity would be taken from me due to age alone. Also, most people on sports teams and other clubs become very close to those of all grades on the team.</p>

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<p>Edit: I just want to add, I completely agree with you meeting with the date beforehand, having restrictions, having the brother keep a watch on them, etc. I just think she should be allowed to go to the dance, and date, if that is what it becomes.</p>

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<p>chocolateluvr88, I was not exposed to driving, drinking, drugs, and sex until my junior and senior years. I was speaking from my own experiences. I also have many friends who were not exposed until those years in high school. It is not ignorant on my part whatsoever. Should I agree with you and forget about the happenings in my own life? That would be ignorant. </p>

<p>When a kid has a car he has more independence, thus he can make decisions that he wasn’t once able to. These decisions can be bad and involve the drinking, drugs, and sex. Most freshman and sophomores cannot drive and therefore lack that independence and the ability to make such decisions (of course they can still do them, I just never found it as common in my school) This was the point I was trying to make. </p>

<p>*I went to a public middle school and then a parochial high school. I can definitely concede that the private high school was much more tame than the public ones.</p>

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<p>I agree with choclateluvr, a good majority of freshman have been exposed to the aforementioned “sins of the flesh” I mean come on, I can’t remember a party freshman year that didn’t have booze. Cholate, I’m also from MD so maybe our state is just sketchy, but I doubt it. I also don’t understand how people are like “why would a senior want to date a freshman” There are some REALLY hot freshman, duh…</p>

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<p>That is probably true that private schools are more tame than public ones. I go to a public school. But, also, I think it is MUCH different now than it was many years ago. I talk to my mom openly about these things, and she said when she was in high school- even junior and senior years- people did not talk openly about sex. Her experiences were different than yours though, lots of people were exposed to drugs and alcohol at beginning and end of high school- but that was in the late 60s/early 70s, so it may have been different for you if you were growing up in a different time period.</p>

<p>It has changed a lot since then…The fact that I only partake in relationships, rather than “hookups”, puts me in the minority (although this is probably untrue among college confidential people). Nowadays, girls and guys alike are bragging about who they’ve had sex with. Have you heard of rainbow parties? I don’t think I should explain on here, look it up if you don’t know what it is…but that is what high school is like nowadays. </p>

<p>Most parents have no idea how exposed their children are, since high school wasn’t like that for them. The best way to know what you’re children are up to is to actually be close to them. I mean, like, be willing to talk to them about what guy they made out with and if he was a good kisser, without telling them not to kiss. I mean, come on, there’s a point when it’s just too overprotective.</p>

<p>I do not blame you for speaking from your own experiences. I’m not saying you’re wrong. And I can’t blame anyone for wanting to protect their children. But oftentimes enforcing more rules only makes the child break the rules more.</p>

<p>And I know that’s the truth from personal experience. I’m never punished- no time outs, no phone or computer taken away, and certainly no spankings. I don’t drink, have sex, or do drugs.</p>

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<p>I’ll weigh in here as the mother of 3 daughters (21, 17, 14).</p>

<p>I have no idea if your daughter should go with this “fine boy” or not. But I am sure that you do. You know your own daughter pretty well and can figure out what her maturity level is. Of course not knowing the boy makes it a bit of a wild card.</p>

<p>If your family is used to making rules and sticking by them no-matter-what, then I think that you should respect that and tell her that a rule is a rule. If this is a new rule made in reaction to this specific incident, then I think more thought is necessary.</p>

<p>I would let my daughter go if: 1) I knew the boy, 2) they were part of a large group of kids that I knew, 3) if the date was straight to the restaurant, then to the dance, then home. (non-negotiable.)</p>

<p>hehe…good luck! It only the beginning!</p>

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<p>Sirwatson – my daughter had classmates smoking pot and drinking in 7th & 8th grade. Some 7th graders got caught at school smoking pot so this was something well known to all the kids. Suburban public K-8 school. If you weren’t exposed to that sort of thing until much older… then it sounds like you did lead a rather sheltered life. I don’t think my daughter experimented with pot at that age, but she certainly was able to tell me exactly which kids did. </p>

<p>My daughter was also in cars driven by high school juniors and seniors when she was a freshman. She attended a school in a neighboring city and arranged carpools and got rides with kids from our community who had their license. </p>

<p>Anyway, I’m starting to think this thread is based on contributions from people who live on different planets.</p>

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<p>I was invited to prom by a senior when I was a freshman. I met him at a Catholic Boy’s School Sock Hop. I told my parents about it and asked that they reserve judgment until they met him. He came to the house in order to meet my parents, and stayed for an hour just talking to my parents. They let me go. No problem. It depends on the boy and the girl.</p>

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<p>I must be living in a totally different world. Haha. That is okay, I prefer this to the one you are all talking about. And to think, I live in liberal California!</p>

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<p>When our D was a freshman, she was invited by a Senior to the prom. We had heard that he was the most well-mannered boy in the class. They knew each other through a school EC, and neither was interested in dating. We felt very comfortable letting her go, and they had a wonderful time. He did ask her out a few times after the prom, but she politely declined, stating that her parents would not let her date yet.</p>

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<p>Sirwatson, hate to say it, but I think you prove my point. You are a kid who as a high school senior had less exposure to the world of sex, drugs & rock & roll than my daughter did before she entered high school. I don’t think it is a matter of where you live – but more of the lifestyle you adapt, and the peer group you spend time with. My son was less sophisticated in that way than his younger sister – he was a reserved, introverted kid who really wasn’t ready for serious dating until college. D. simply was out and about more, eyes and ears wide open. </p>

<p>Again… depends on the kids.</p>

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<p>I think you are right calmom.</p>

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<p>To me, red flags are raised when a Sr boy can only get or is interested in a Frosh girl</p>

<p>I think , well is he:
Too immature for girls his age, if he is still immature as a SR, that worries me
Has he gone through the girls his age
Is he a player
Is he really “nice”, cause I have to tell you, teen version of nice doesn’t match my version of nice - a couple of boys video taped a girl performing sex act with them, and my D said, but he is a nice boy!! I said, ummm, no nice boys don’t do that, and she and her friends said, well, he is nice to us, and in the hall, he’s friendly, etc, but I said, that is not nice. They got it, but what they see as nice can be VERY toleratant</p>

<p>As well, in my Ds large school, SR that go after Frosh are seen as having issues and are not attractive to other girls their own age or all kind of bad reasons</p>

<p>I just see red flags but I guess I am one of the few</p>

<p>And my Ds and their friends see flags as well</p>

<p>I see the Sr boys at their school, getting ready to join the army, go to college and we can’t imagine them being interested in a Frosh girl who is just out of middle school</p>

<p>If they have so much in commen, then that SR boy has mucho growing up to do</p>

<p>Or he is acting a certain way to get a Frosh girl, whatever it is, I say no</p>

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<p>haha, yeah alot of “nice boys” arn’t exactly nice. I’ve been referred to as a “nice boy” before, and trust me, some of the things I’ve done would not make any parent happy, especially my own.</p>

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<p>Citygirlsmom, your fallacy is in the concept that (a) a senior boy always asks a girl to the prom for romantic reasons, and (b) that he does so because he “can only get” that girl for a date.</p>

<p>By that rationale, my daughter’s male friend who escorted me to the theater when she cancelled at the last minute was really hard up - he could only “get” a 50-year old woman. The reality was that he and my daughter were simply being thoughtful - they had gotten steeply discounted tickets through the school to a performance that they knew I would enjoy. </p>

<p>What really irks me about this thread is the stereotyped view of dating [i.e., boys only ask girls to the prom when they have romantic ideas] - when my experience teaches me that because of the expense of prom tickets, boys & girls generally like to make their prom plans well in advance; they usually each pay for their own tickets; they tend to also reserve space in limousines at significant expense; and they tend to make mutually agreed arrangements about who escorts whom among casual friends if they don’t have a steady boyfriend or girlfriend. Many high school senior boys are not ready for or interested in serious dating. At my daughter’s high school, many of the boys are gay, and the gay boys often go out with girls. Gay boys with boys are acceptable at the school’s prom, but gay boys also like girls as friends and like to dance with them – and vice versa. </p>

<p>A last minute invite to the prom is more likely the result of a cancelled date or changed plans than a kid who “can’t get” a date – just like the time I got invited to the theater. In other words, some kid’s date fell through - for all we know he was dating the most popular senior girl in the school and they just broke up because she’s now dating Napoleon Dynamite. By that time, all of the kids already had prom plans, so there weren’t any senior girls available to ask. No kid can expect to get a “real” date to a prom on short notice. So the kid thinks to ask his friend’s kid sister, knowing that she will of course be available, and thinking that it will be a real treat for her. </p>

<p>The other thing that really, really irks me is this stereotyped view of boys as being only out for sex or to use girls … along with some hackneyed view of 14 year old girls as being naive and innocent. Am I the only parent posting who has both a daughter and a son? I can assure you that my son is not and never has been a budding rapist, and my daughter is not and never has been an easy target for unwanted male advances. He respects the word “no”, she’d fight like crazy. She’s tough and sophisticated, he’s an intellectual who is probably somewhat shy around the ladies. I’m tired of seeing boys maligned as if they are all testosterone-driven gorillas - especially on an academically oriented forum where most of us have sons who are serious and responsible students.</p>

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<p>it does depend on the two involved
however the original poster said their daughter is not allowed to date seniors- period- I don’t think the opportunity to date a boy 4 years older should change that rule if nothing else has.
He respects the word “no”, she’d fight like crazy
lots of room inbetween- circumstances you would rather your 14 yr old not be placed in- fighting like crazy does not mean you will not be raped.
its true that lots of seniors are great company even with 14 yr old girls- but since this particular couple was not preexisting before the invitation- that leaves room to find out more
I wouldn’t want my 14 yr old to stop off at senior parties before the prom as is common in some areas, I wouldn’t want her to be scorned by the seniors who think that they are adults and that she is a child, it really depends on what is known about the school and the kids involved- but I don’t know much except that the brother approves and that they had a rule no seniors.
Lots of opportunties to go to prom later</p>

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<p>I don’t think my rational is wrong, any 18 year old that asks a 14 year old raises flags for me, sorry, but that boy would get extra extra scrutiny and from the boys my Ds talk about that ask out Frosh the vast majority are boys that girls their own age won’t go near, so the boys go to girls who don’t know them as well</p>

<p>This boy barely talked to this girl, so asking her cause the are friends doesn’t fly</p>

<p>Yeah, I would be really wary of my 14 year old going to a dance with a senior boy who barely knows her, and I would wonder, what is wrong with him that he doesn’t have girls he age he can ask</p>

<p>And I think my D is wonderful!!</p>

<p>I am not maligning boys, I would be just as concerned with a SR girl asking a Frosh boy</p>

<p>ANd sorry, but an 18 year old MAN shouldn’t be dating a 14 year old. Period</p>

<p>I may be harsh, but I still wonder about boys that want to date girls so much younger that they hardly know</p>

<p>Why can’t he get someone closer to his age?</p>

<p>My Ds were warned by older girls that as Frosh the Srs will try and get them to go out and those boys that do are bad news. That is the Rep those boys who go after Frosh have. SOrry, but true.</p>

<p>And the girls that are foolish enough to date Srs as Frosh, often get bad reputations, cause, sorry but boys lie and exagerate to look good.</p>

<p>Girls do the same things.</p>

<p>I don;t have a problem with friends as dates, I think that is great, but these aren’t friends. Read the original post</p>

<p>And, remember, what teens think is a nice boy or girl, well, may not meet the parents standards. </p>

<p>And, sorry, but I have a problem with a SR boy wanting to date a Frosh girl. It still makes me wonder. I never said budding rapists, and for all I know this boy may be just swell, but, why not be curious as to why he is interested in a girl so much younger? Not being mature as an 18 year old SR is not someone I want my girls around.</p>

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<p>If you know where the magic wand is that turns a 17 year old boy into a MAN (as you say) on the 18th birthday… can you tell us parents of sons where it is? My son hadn’t even reached his full height at that age.</p>

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<p>I think he has to graduate high school first
it is just amazing the change I see in boys 4 months after graduation- they are unrecognizable.
The girls have looked the same since about 10th or 11th grade- but the boys don’t change till they are 18 or 19 in some cases.</p>

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<p>Of course there are SOME guys who could be perfect gentlemen and have a wonderful time, but I’d put my money on the majority of guys in that situation arn’t interested in your daughter for her pleasant conversation. But that said, once again I do not think banning her from going will do much good in the end, at least if she’s like most of the girls I know it will just cause more problems and make her lie to you about it and other things.</p>