Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
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Heard from a colleague…
I am the king of dad jokes, but I have no kids of my own. Does that make me a faux pas?
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What do you call a factory that produces good products?
A satisfactory!
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If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims
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My wife let me listen to her favorite audiobook, but halfway through I accidentally deleted it…now I’ll never hear the end of it…
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What do you call a Russian sitting on a box of crackers?
Putin on the Ritz
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When I was a kid, bedtime was 9 pm. l couldn’t wait to be a grownup so I could go to bed anytime I wanted.
Turns out that is 9 pm.
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I found a solution for the egg crisis. I eat oatmeal for breakfast now.
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Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
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They say a woman never reveals her age…unless she’s standing next to her husband. 
Why should you never iron a four-leaf clover?
Because you should never press your luck.
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Why don’t skeletons ever use cell phones? They don’t have the guts.
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My kids stopped asking about their inheritance when they saw me reading “Don’t be the wealthiest guy in the graveyard.”
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I ordered a chicken and an egg online.
I’ll let you know what comes first.
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I did not crop out the top part, because if it is indeed the verified account of Jason Derulo, that makes it even sillier (to me, at least).
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Took me a minute there.
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