My dog swallowed my entire bag of Scrabble tiles, so I took him to vet to get him checked out. No word yet.
9 Likes
I went to a school for magicians but I failed the final exam. They were all trick questions.
4 Likes
I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
2 Likes
I gave my handyman a to-do list, but he only did jobs 1, 3, and 5. Turns out he only does odd jobs.
6 Likes
What did the skillet eat on its birthday? Pan-cakes
2 Likes
My son likes elevators; my daughter likes escalators.
They are raised differently.
7 Likes
Where do BAD rainbows go?
To Prism…It’s a light sentence, but it gives them time to refract.
7 Likes
Warning, the following isn’t a corny dad joke; it’s a little risqué. But my dad would’ve loved it.
Two people are considering dating
Man: How often do you like sex?
Woman: I prefer it infrequently
Man: Is that one word or two?
2 Likes
Charles Dickens walks into a bar.. Says “I’ll have a martini”,
bartender says “olive or twist?”
3 Likes
Baby seal walks into a bar. Bartender says “what’ll you have?” Seal says “anything but a Canadian club”
2 Likes
Watch what you say around the egg whites. They can’t take a yolk.
4 Likes
Older kid dad joke true story.
Son calls me yesterday and said there was smoke coming out of the hood of his car. I asked black smoke or white smoke.
He said “there is white smoke what does that mean?”
In my best Leslie Nielsen from Airplane voice, I responded, “it means there is a new Pope but that isn’t important right now, back away and wait for AAA.”
He didn’t think it was funny but it did help calm him down when he realized I was calm.
11 Likes
What do you call a sheep who can sing and dance? Lady Ba Ba.
1 Like
I have a clean conscious—it’s never been used.
5 Likes
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
8 Likes
